Save a marriage?
My huband I met when we were young (19 and 23). Now, after marriage, one child, bills, and stress, I feel very very far away from that free, in love girl I was when we first were dating. I know we are both unhappy. We both miss that, and life is getting very unsatisfying.
We don’t have the money to take a vacation, and I’m pregnant with our second now (due in May).
I know I’m supposed to be happy and moving on to a "new phase" in my life or something, but I can’t help think that the whole REASON for the house and kids is because we fell in love. Without that, it’s all sort of meaningless. There has been no infidelity. I just think we’re both getting sort of dead inside. How can I fix this and how can we become the couple we were again?
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Tagged with: huband • infidelity • love • marriage • money • stress
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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You are dissconneted. Happens all the time.
Need to schedule time for each other without the little brats around.
Make sure to keep to a schedule, and dont allow it to be changed. The issues will clear themselves up.
Just relax.
Like everything else in life, marriages go through good times and bad.
Now you need to grow up and act like an adult. You are right, that care free life of yours is GONE. Move on, grow up, and find the true joy in life.
Yes all those things can make a marriage not exciting,but if you truly love each other,then you have to be willing to work on it. You don’t have to have money for vacations,go to a park have a picnic go to a flea market walk around holding hands and sharing an ice cream,things like that don’t cost anything. Marriage like anything else is always good in the beginning,but after a few years,the newness wears off,but that doesn’t mean you throw it all away. Think really hard about not having him in your life and see what you feel.
You need to reconnect. Not just in a sexual way but as friends and partners. What did you use to do together before you were married? Try dating (each other!) again. Write him love notes, flirt, try whatever you can to rekindle the romance. Also try something new together that takes you outside your comfort zone. It will give you a new subject to talk about and you’ll be able to see each other in a different way. Above all, find a good babysitter that you trust. Spending time alone is the most important thing for your marriage.
Sometimes when life’s struggles get in the way, it’s hard to remember how you got there to begin with. I’m not sure there is a "perfect" answer to this question since no one really knows the entire situation, but I can tell you what works for us.
Sometimes when we are sick of looking at each other, or we are worn out from work and bills and the kids, we talk about future plans and wild dreams, what we would like to do, what would we do if we won a million bucks and so on and so forth, it takes our minds off of our current situation. Also we talk about how we first met, things we used to do, funny times we had. and it also helps. I have also tried leaving the house and just hanging out at a friends for the day, or my parents….sometimes when you have long distances between you both, it’s easier to appreciate the other person when you get back home. It’ll help remind you how much you love and need each other.
Now, I know these suggestions aren’t the best, but it does help for us. I definitely know how you feel, and i hope things get better for you. If both of you are willing to try, then I’m confident you can become the couple you once were.
First thing you need to realize is the new feeling always wears off and marriage is not a fairy tale. Its not always fun, its going to suck alot, times are going to be hard. It dont matter if you break up and marry someone else, the new will wear off again and the reality will set in. It sounds like you have a bit of depression with your pregnancy. That happened to me in my second pregnancy. I got really depressed and had to go on medication. Just realize that its not really as bad as it seems. Your still a family and you dont need lots of mony to be happy. You need to find a way to liven things up. How about after the kid goes to bed, toss a big blanket in the bedroom floor and have a pic nick right there in the floor. Get to know each other again. Try and remember why you fell in love with him in the first place. Spend time together and dont get discouraged by life. No matter how many bills you pay, there is always going to be more to pay. So forget the bills you cant pay and count your blessings that you have a good man who loves, dont beat you or run around on you, and a beautiful healthy child, and another beautiful healthy child, and that you are living here in America. Fix hubby a nice dinner today and even if you dont feel like it get up and give him a big hug when he gets home.
wow i feel the same way but i am trying to connect with my husband again because i know something is still there we have just got caught up in a new baby added to our family in the past year and his new job with added stress so it will work out i believe that it will for you and me