What would do if forced to live with someone you couldn't stand and moving out was not an option?
About nine months ago, I became my mother’s caregiver. Everything was going fine until January, when my mother announced a foster child she had raised was coming home for a "visit". I begged my mother not to let her come because 1) I am not particularly close to any of my foster siblings 2) I didn’t want my peace and quiet disturbed by a third person in the house 3) I didn’t want anyone getting in my way as I tried to take care of Mom and 4) I didn’t trust that this was just going to be a visit.
Of course, I turned out to be correct. Shortly after she returned, my foster sister announced she was pregnant (which is why she came back for her "visit"), with no job, no education, no money, and, as far as I can tell, a baby "daddy" who really doesn’t give a crap about her (not that I blame him). It is now April, and she has parked herself comfortably in the house. It annoys me every time I have to look at or listen to her. It is real aggravation to know she’s stuck in the house and there isn’t anything I can do about it. My mother claims my sister plans on leaving once the baby is born, but I don’t believe that for a second. Where is she going to go wtith no job, no education, and no money?
I am 38 years old, male, and resent being in this position. I could easily put my mother in a nursing home and move out but I love my mother too much to do that. I could hire a professional caregiver and move out, but I would still feel as if I were abandoning my mother out of anger. My mother has had some health issues over the past few years. There is the possibility she will pass away and I would then be able to kick my foster sister out, but I do love my mother and would rather not anticipate that "resolution". Here are a list of reasons why I can’t stand my foster sister:
I’m 38 years old. About nine months ago I moved back home and became my mother’s caregiver. My parents raised three foster children. In January, my mother moved one of those foster children (now age 25), back into the house. I really, really can’t stand this chick and my mother is constantly arguing with me, trying to get me to explain why I don’t like my foster sister. My premise is that as a grown 38-year-old man, I am entitled to my likes and dislikes without explaining them to my mother. Here are the reasons why I can’t stand my foster sister, whom I will call "C".
1) She’s pregnant with her fourth child and no husband.
2) She is the kind of woman who has different children by different fathers.
3) She’s a major freeloader.
4) When she moved back in, she took over a wing of the house that gave her four rooms to herself.
How many rooms does one non-rent paying person need??
5) She has a loud, ghetto way of talking.
6) She is one of these people who is ALWAYS on the house phone (and of course doesn’t help to pay the phone bill).
7) Everytime my mother calls me, "C" comes running. Doesn’t "C" know what her name is?
She is interfering.
9) She walks around acting as if the house belongs for her. For instance, the other day the landscaper was picking avocado off the tree in the back yard. I always let the guy takes as much as he wants, but I heard her loudly telling him not to pick too much. WTF? Who the eff is she? I happen to know I will be the sole heir after my Mom goes, so this chick is setting herself up for a rude shock if she thinks this is "her" house.
10) She has no house key, and whenever she comes home she likes to stand at my bedroom window shouting at the top of her lungs for me to let her in. OMG it will be such a sweet day when I can tell this chick to get out of MY house and never come back.
11) My mother is incontinent and I need to do her laundry daily. My foster sister will take clothes out of the machine, throw them willy nilly, or just meddle with the way I have things organized. If I had my way, I would tell that non-rent paying chick to go to the laundry mat. But then if I had my way, she wouldn’t be living here at all.
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Tagged with: aggravation • anger • caregiver • childre • coming home • crap • education • foster siblings • foster sister • getting in my way • health issues • job • mom • money • Money 97 • Moving • nine months • nursing home • parents • peace • peace and quiet • professional caregiver • third person
Filed under: How To Get Him Back
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Try sitting this woman down for a meeting and laying down the law. Tell her that she needs to at least make herself useful around the house since she has to stay there and that she also needs to be thinking about how she will support herself and her kids when the new one is born. Tell her that your mom is too sick to take care of her and her kids and that you need to take care of your mom and can’t take care of another adult and a bunch of kids. Tell her that everything that she uses or consumes costs money and she needs to contribute.
Talk to your mother and let her know what has been going on. I know that she is sick and you don’t want to bother her with this but she needs to know what is happening. Somehow you have to get your mom to see that you may need to take action against the "foster." This way, the woman won’t try to get sympathy from your mom and make you look like an ogre. I hate that she is taking advantage like that.
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