My boyfriend gets upset when he talks about his ex. Is he over her, should I keep seeing him?
I’ve been dating this guy for 2 months, we have spent time together every day since our first date, we’ve met each others’ parents and friends, and we have been intimate. He is my first boyfriend and the first man I’ve ever been with. I’m starting to have strong feelings for him, and he says he cares a lot about me too. However, he just got out of a 2 year relationship just a couple months before he met me. He said he dated around a little and met some people before me, though I’m the first person after her that he has had sex with and been serious about, so technically I would be considered the first relationship after her.
The issue is that he brings her up frequently enough that I feel upset/bothered/worried/irritated by it. Hearing the story of their breakup is depressing to me, and I feel like now I know way too much about their relationship, I’d rather just know the basics. It was sort of a mutual falling out between them, she left town to go to school in another state, when she technically could have stayed with him, and generally she just changed as a person (had different life goals all of a sudden, stopped being affectionate towards him, i.e. forgetting his birthday after 2 years of being together, she got depressed or something). The real problem is that he will randomly bring her up (for example yesterday, I told him I liked his cell phone, which reminded him of how jealous she would get about his phone, which turned into a long discussion about her and their relationship) and when he brings her up, he gets visibly upset about it. The first time we talked about it (a couple weeks into dating we had a couple hours long conversation about her) he would get teary-eyed, lately he just gets angry about it. He has a slight temper and so gets wound up pretty easily I suppose, but the fact that he displays this irritation and anger about her behaviour and their past situation really negatively effects me. I worry that anything I say might bring her up and I hate hearing this anger from him. He knows this bothers me but yet he continues to do it. I’ve asked him continuously if he’s over her, he says he is, but because of their past he is now skeptical of women/relationships, which is understandable. He obviously knows I’m tired of hearing about her because I told him angrily one night, "I don’t want to talk about your ex girlfriend anymore!" So now when he talks about her, he starts by saying "I"m over it, I’m not in love with her anymore, but I still care about her and the whole thing worries me (that she seemed to become a completely different person in 3 weeks). Which is understandable, that is unnerving.
Is he just worried and skeptical about the future, because of his past experience with her and so he just wants to share this with me? Or his he really not over her, because he gets emotional talking about her? Should I call it quits before I get too far in or should I hang in there?
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Tagged with: anger • Cares • cell phone • couple hours • couple weeks • different life • feelings • first date • First Man • First Person • life goals • Met • parents • relationship • temper
Filed under: How To Get Him Back
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Well, my opinion is that, if he’s getting angry, there are probably lingering feelings. Two years is a long time, so it would be understandable. This doesn’t mean that he is in love with her the way he used to be. Once you love someone, that love never goes away. It’ll always be there, but it just takes on different forms and can begin to fade. Be patient with him about that.
Be firm about your position in this. Tell him everybody changes (sometimes in ways you least expect with unexpected lengths of time) and ask him if the past is more important to him than the present. Tell him that it makes you uncomfortable and ask him to stop (but in a firm voice). Also, add in the fact that you aren’t trying to force him to forget things (even if you feel you do), but you’re trying to help him move on and experience happiness. Tell him you don’t want to leave, but you can’t handle this either. Try to convince him that you aren’t going to do what she did (if that ends up being what this is about).
If this doesn’t stop, you’ll only be hurting yourself (and worse as time goes on). You aren’t his psychiatrist, you’re his girlfriend. He should treat you like one (the way you deserve).
I hope this helped some and I hope things work out well for you!
Thats what happens when you jump straight into another relationship right after a 2 year relationship.
He should of waited so he could of got over her, If i was in his position i would do the same but never talk to you about it. Its good that you told him that you don’t like it i reckon the more time you spend with him the quicker he will forget about her and you will be on his mind.
Or you can dump him and really fuck him up lol.