why don’t men ever leave their wives even when they don’t love them?
How do they have it in them to stay just for the kids or just because of money – isn’t happiness and love all that really matters in life?? Won’t the kids be happier with happy parents apart than miserable parents together?
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Tagged with: happiness • love • money • Money 97 • parents
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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Divorce and separation may sometimes make parents happier, but it tends to make one parent or the other more distant from the children.
Today’s court system is quite often pro-mother custody even when a man may be the obvious best choice. Many men understand this, so choose instead to remain in a less than desirable circumstance in order to be able to spend more time with their children.
Once you have kids, it’s a whole new world. Relationship isn’t what matters as much anymore, your kids come first in every way.
thye stay in it becasue they want the wife to do everything for them, and they know that when they leave them they will have to do all there chores for themselves anyway.
Sounds like you are the "other woman".
Why won’t he leave? Well, he’s got it all. He’s got the family and the home and the toys…and it sounds like he’s got you on the side.
Why would he leave when he’s already got it all?
Guilt. Or they want to keep the wife and still have the chick on the side.
YOU ARE GENERALIZING….many men do leave their families…you hear it all the time. Though they leave their families when they are REALLY in love with the other woman. You sound like a spurned lover, who got used. Because regardless of what he told you, he’s still getting some nooky from her too.
Well, you got married for a reason. So do you really think that he doesnt love you? He does…..Just obviously doesn’t know how to show it.
This may require some help from your end. Communication….
Get that loveof your life back into your life.
You dont have to live miserably. And your kids dont either.
It seems to me that the majority of men are afraid of change. Unless the situation is horrible and tense, they would rather just stay put (and sometimes stray for excitement) than rock the boat.
no, not mine.
i got a cheating hubby and my 16 y/o begged me to stay anyway. Im here for my son…hes my rock. I will not do anything intentionally to hurt my boy. I have 2 young daughters also, who couldnt deal w/missing 1 parent. My life is comfortable. Yes, my marriage sux but I just leave the door open ajar…if prince charming "happens" to bump into me-Id be game to be swept off my feet! Until then, Ill stick it out w/the cheatin hubby.
Well, if it’s the USA, it’s the same reason we have prudish, dysfunctional ideas about sex – we’re stuck in the Victorian era.
If you think about it, the rest of the western world went through the Victorian era and got over it. We never did in the USA.
That’s pretty much it, in a nutshell. Read up on it and you’ll understand the societal/social pressure to do what you’re talking about. It was the worst mistake I ever made. My kids thank me ever day for getting a divorce.
It depends on the situation. They would rather their kids have 2 parents other than 1 and 1. It may also be a religious thing. Like i know that some religions frown upon divorces and splits between spouses. Hope i was some help.
Many men come to rely on their wives to keep them in order and provide company – cook for them, wash and iron their clothes, do all the orgainizing, care for them, etc. This is hard for men to give up, and I think that’s one of the major reasons why men are so much more reluctant to up and leave a marriage than women. (Unless they have another woman on the side who will ease the transition)
I have seen alot of "Cake Men". Men who want their cake and eat it too. They want the stability of a home and family, yet want to still experience a single man’s lifestyle.
They just tell you (the other woman) that they don`t love their wife so you keep giving him what they want.
Because no matter how much they dislike their wife, they will always love their children.
In the end, it’s the kids that matter most. They want to ensure that they get raised properly and have everything the need to grow up happy and healthy.
If only it were that easy.. When you marry everything that was once yours and mine is now "OURS" and divorces are costly as a mother f*. and to go through the whole process which can take 6mo-3 years to figure out.. then you have to worry about custody battles and how your gonna split everything up.. back in the day love was all you needed but the way the world works these days its easier said then done.. this isn’t the 60′s kid.. welcome to modern day.
What if the man loves her and she doesn’t want him anymore.. ever think of that..? I’m a femme but women are straight up bitches. and hoes. It takes more than love to make a marriage work.
yes i agree totally w/u but its just not so for some, i really don’t know how they do it, i know i can’t stay in a love less relationship worse yet a love less marriage!
There may be too much involved financially and if the men invested allot they know that for a divorce everything is 50 50 and that alone stops them from divorcing, they don’t think that the wife should get 50% of stuff when they "think" she didn’t work for it…so they prefer stay and be unhappy.
I wonder why wives don’t leave their men when their men aren’t happy? If he isn’t happy she’d know about it just by the attention he’s giving her. She has the right to leave too.
Each man/woman is different, it depends on their morals, if they eventually are holding on to hope that one day things will change, they are remembering the person they once fell in love with, yes its possible to fall out of love but still they hold on to the memory.
As for the kids sake, well a lot of ppl in todays world grew up without parents, they want to provide for their children what they themselves did not have.
some other people dont think like that, and they still leave their families, children involved or not.
my personal opinion would be to MAKE IT WORK.
you married, you took vows, you made promises, you made a family, now MAKE IT WORK.
of course a marriage is hard work to keep, of course it is, but you fight for what you want, since when is something that is cherished so easily attained? it isnt.
Men and women do the same because they don’t take the time to sit down with their kids and explain what they plan on doing. IT takes a lot more than just walking out the door when kids are involved.
My ex husband left me……….for many other woman, so they do leave, eventually. And yes, me and my kids are MUCH better off without him and the chaotic life we had. We are at peace, finally.
that’s life, mind doesnt want cheating, if you are guilty of one particular offence
Guys like security. Its nothing personal. If youve built a marriage, a home, a family, and so much more together, its hard for them to just throw it away because you dont get butterflies like you did when you were 16. Its already hard for most guys to commit, then having to toss it all and start over, a total guy NIGHTMARE! thats why theyd rather cheat, have affairs, sleep around… whatever you wanna call it. Men want to have their cake and eat it too. They never think about how hard it is for the other woman who actually will be better for them. They think about theirselves and how stuck they are in a loveless marriage. Too bad men are just too big of idiots to sensibly resolve these situations. Always looking for the easy way out, even if they seperate, still doesnt spell divorce.
there are many reasons. it could be because they don’t want to hurt the children, and if you aren’t a parent…you don’t understand. it could be because "it’s cheaper to keep her". money might seen insignificant, but that depends on how much money that we’re talking about here. it could also be because of being comfortable. new women might be thrilling and exciting…but they aren’t going to clean for you, cook you chicken the way that you like it, or rub your back after a crappy day.
Staying married is convenient, there are the perks and benefits and besides, it is harder to start anew with someone else.
I answered one of your questions yesterday. You are the man that won’t leave your wife. You need to get some backbone and decide if you are going to stay married and work it out or move on. You need to quit stringing your wife and your lover along.
Some men are afraid to admit they’ve made a mistake, they are afraid of being alone and being frowned upon after having left their wives (social status). These days, men are afraid to get married because they don’t to end up in a bad marriage, that’s the other side of the coin.
Being the "the woman" never works out!!!! The wife ALWAYS wins in the end. It is a rancid roll in the hay a foreign peace of tail……. leave the scum now honey it’ll never work out. You will always be the one hurting, once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They stay for security reason. Simple as that !
Sometimes in life the changes that occur are severe enough where in this case she cannot work anymore. I have to take care of my wife for the rest of my life no matter what.
My mission is to take care of her and keep her alive at all costs even if it means risking my life to save hers. Love? I’d rather not talk about it.
Ok, men don’t EVER leave their wives? Wow that’s weird cause I coulda swore I knew a bunch of men who did that, even though they didn’t love their wives.
What a ridiculous generalization..
wives are a mother replacement, sort of a lateral upgrade, if you will. wives nurture and care for their husbands as a mother would do for their child. a husband, no matter what the current circumstances, will always depend on this security from their wives.
we really do play an important role in their lives….which is why we get so frikkin pissed off when another woman tries to step in the picture. it’s also why we don’t budge when we know she’s there. we know she’s temporary.
You must be the homewrecker in this mess!
I hate the argument that you should not stay togehter for the kids…remember, they did not ask for this or to even be brought into this world. They suffer the most during divorce…separation…way more then the miserable feelings you guys have towards eachother right now. So for the sake of the kids…..maybe we should just be happy and honor our decisions to have a family…and be strong throughout the tests of time. Sorry if your hubby is not on board….but I can guarnatee if you just love him in spite of his ignorance…it will turn around in time…this goes both ways. Kids suffer trust me….divorced kids are 50 % more ikeley to develop addictive behaviors…have trouble in school and social issues will arise….insecurities….look it up…..
Darn it stay together! Work it out! Love! Love Love! Its a choice not a romantic flame….flames burn out…and if you meaure love like a romantic feeling or flame or any feeling at all…feelings change over time…so i question if you ever loved at all.
I think because they are afraid to be on their own and have to do all the things their wife normal does for them. I think it is sad and it is the kids that will suffer in the long wrong. Kids learn by example.
Married man not going to leave their wife because he love her,event the wife found out a bout his mistake she can forget and forgive him, she love him and he love the kids that is everything in his life.
You should not get involved with a married man in the first place, so you going to end up with hurting!
people are selfish. it isn’t just men, but women also. people stay in relationships because it’s easier. they don’t want to give up the money, the lifestyle, the ‘things’, the house, the ease of not having to find someone new. it’s sad but few really stay together for the kids. they may use that as an excuse but it isn’t usually the case.
What ? Just because we aren,t happy with the woman doesn,t mean we are not happy with the kids. So why doesn,t the woman go . Why is it that no matter who make the mistakes through out the marriage or who is unhappy woman expect the man just to uproot and go ? Why cant woman understand that it hurts us not to see our kids or see them with moms other man and they call him daddy ? Do woman really think we are that heartless?
I see more questions in here from the guys saying the wife cheated on them but they love them and how to get over it . But the woman say husband cheated how do i leave and get support and alimony out of the bastard lol and who gets the house .
Woman need to realize in America you are NOW equal to men . That means you can do what ever a man does and same with the man he can do what ever a woman does and that includes keeping the kids .
I am one man among many today that has my kids . My ex to out farting around catch her in my bed with this moron big fight i get stabbed in arm and she wants me to go. Well i didn,t go just like many more men today aren,t going . We dont have to anymore . Woman wanted to be equal and this is just one thing that makes them equal . They have the right to leave the kids to .
Times have change and woman really need to take a good look at the changes . A woman rights just wasnt about equal pay it was about everything not just money . There is allways bad that comes with the good ……..
I personally think that the kids would be happier if their parents were happy. Who really wants to live in a home where NO one talks and all they see is their parents fighting. Is that really a healthy environment to bring up children in? If a man stays in a marriage based on the sole fact that it is for the kids….. then he is selfish and only thinking of his needs and not the needs of his kids or his so called wife.
Well sometimes the person you married is "not exactly as advertised", and what they are like before you get married and have kids is a lot different than what they are like now.
And so what happens when what they are like now isn’t someone you would have ever married? And they have no interest in changing and talking is only fighting?
But it’s not just you. You have children who depend on you now. It’s not their fault that your marriage is a nightmare. You also know that your actions all play a major role in their development and emotional well being. And a divorce and fracturing of the family is devastating for everyone involved.
So do you sacrifice your kids for your happiness? Or do you sacrifice yourself for your kids happiness? If you’re not fighting with your spouse (much) in front of the kids and until they go to bed maybe your life is generally pretty happy. Once they go to bed, you just busy yourself with something else and try to forget about your crippled marriage.
You carry on and keep smiling. For your kids.
This is what I think happens based on my situation.
These married men are missing something in their life or their relationship. They find someone who is willing to give them what they need and who will tolerate their married life. They get you hooked on them and they know that you will never leave. So now, they have the best of both worlds.
These men also have a secure life with their wife and children. They may really be decent guys who do love their wives, just not the "in love" passionate way they love their mistresses. When the wives find out about the mistress, they will do whatever it takes to keep their husband. It’s based on pride, comfort, etc, but the truth is they don’t want to lose what they have with their partner. They know how to push their husband’s buttons. They tell them that they know that they are not as horrible as they seem by having an affair. They cry and remind him of their life together. And of course, they use their children as leverage. They threaten that they will take the kids away, and say things like "I can’t believe you would ever hurt our child" "I can’t do this on my own". Of course the man is going to feel obligated to be with his wife and children. He convinces himself that he wants to be married because that is the easiest solution. There are no more tears from the wife, he gets to be with his kids but he will feel a loss for the mistress. The only way to keep his family intact is to leave the other woman behind. It may not be the "right" thing to do, but this will allow him to keep his children happy and let them know they are loved. That is what matters in life…the children. Sorry to say that, but it’s what helps me get through the sadness.
You have to tell me, do you have children?
It makes a huge difference.
I completely agree with love and happiness. And I too would like to experience it, before I leave this earth. But at the expense of destroying my children. That is incredibly selfish.
You cannot have happy chlldren if you are not happy yourself. Duh. Children are not stupid. Look at what you are teaching them. You are teaching them to settle for unhappiness in their lives. You can be there for your children if you really want to be. In most cases…you got married before children were in the picture. Your wedding vows have NOTHING to do with offspring. If the vows are not being met and your are unhappy and you no longer see a future for you two than a seperation/ divorce needs to happen. But be there for the kids. It’s simple.
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