married, in love with ex, don't know who father is?
Hey. Im desperate for some good advice. This is a very sensitive subject, and I already feel really horrible and bad about it, and I know Im probably a horrible person, but please try not to post too many mean, negative comments, im looking for advice, not judgment. sorry if this is long. Well, first off, I am married. For about a year or so now. I love my husband, I really do, but I’ve always still been in love with my ex boyfriend from high school. we really loved eachother, and still do I think. I should never have gotton married so young, I know. anyway. well, me and my ex have been having an affair for quite some time now. I dont’ sleep around, I just have all these feelings for him, and having sex is a way to still express them I guess. I miss him alot. and he says he still loves me. anyway. I ended up getting pregnant accidentally, and I had been with my husband and my ex around the same time, so there was no way to know who the father was. I have now had the baby, and me and my ex have done one of those home paternity tests that you mail in. Im waiting for the results right now. I havn’t told my husband, and I really don’t want to. It would hurt him so bad. he’s a great guy and I do love him, he’s like my best friend. I want our marriage to work. but I’ve dug myself a hole now. If the baby is my husbands, then thats good, and we can move on with our lives, and he’ll never have to know. but what if its not his baby, what if its my ex’s. my ex says that if its his, he wants to keep quite about the baby anyway until the child’s older anyway. first off, thats not right to hide that from my husband and my daughter about who her real father is. that would be wrong right. cuz someone told me that I should keep it a secret, at least until my child is older, so I don’t ruin my marriage, hurt my husband. and if It is my ex’s baby, and I tell him, down the road he might decide that he does then want to be apart of the child’s life, and then he will tell everyone and the secret will be out anyway. so I don’t know what to do. If its my husbands, then no one has to know, and no one will get hurt, that would be the best out come. but if its my ex’s, should i not tell him the kids his, or I have to because thats the right thing to do? also, what should I do about my ex. I still love him, but I know that it would never work out between us. we have a very strong physical connection and I do love him, but we don’t have a lot in common, and I just know we wouldn’t be happy actually being in a relationship together. but I love him, and I know I have to stop sleeping with him, but its so hard. and Im sure people would call me all sorts of names for saying that, but I can’t help it. any advice would be appreciated alot, and please not alot of negative feed back please, don’t trash me, I know how these forums are. please don’t judge me unless you’ve been in my shoes. I’ve made alot of mistakes, and I am very sorry. thanks. sorry so long again.
Also, I will choose a best answer for the best advice.
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Tagged with: best friend • cuz • feelings • good advice • having an affair • having sex • home paternity tests • horrible person • judgment • marriage • negative comments • quite some time • sensitive subject • sleep
Filed under: Ways To Get An Ex Back
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14 yrs ago my long term bf and i were fighting, bad hard fighting. i ran into my ex form highschool and went to stay with him. i already had a child and knew i didnt really want another at that time. he and i ended out having relations. within a week from my then b/f
so he my highschool bf and i ended out together and he went back up north to get his stuff he was moving back here to live together
i found out i was pregnant. well my high school b/f never came back and my old bf and i worked it out, got married and i had a beautiful little girl now i had 2. shortly after had a 3rd then adopted.
however i had the thought that she wasnt his. i knew she was my high school bf kid. last week i ran into his parents and first thing they asked was is my daughter their g child. i froze in my stepps and didnt answer then just nodded my head,. they had him call me… he is married with 4 kids and not happy, wanting to know is my daughter his. my mind says yes. i told him the truth. my husband however is livid. although he knows he is not the father weve only been marreid a few yrs.
i wish i could give myself the same advise about tell and get it out but as you are im scared. so i guess ill pratice what i preach and speak out.
Abortion, divorce, counseling.
In that order…and hurry.
The one way to make your marriage last longer is to tell your ex the baby isn’t his and your husband the baby is. However, this isn’t the right thing to do. The right thing to do is to come clean with your husband and tell him the baby is possibly not his. You might get served a divorce, but you might get one later anyway if he ever found out what’s going on behind his back.
I didn’t read past the part where you said that you have been having an affair. If you really loved your husband you would never cheat on him. You can’t love someone and sleep with someone else.
Your going to get trashed that’s just the way it is. I don’t really like the way your justifying your affair with your ex, it doesn’t make you seem too remorseful, you seem only remorseful that it has blown up in your face. If the test comes back as your husbands then don’t tell him, just do the man a favour and get a divorce, telling him will only give the poor bast*rd trust issues for life. If it is you ex’s and the baby isn’t very old, come clean accept what you did and deal with the consequences. You did it how sad that your husband has to go through this, shame on you…I doubt your ex will stick around either so you’ll be alone which is just what you deserve. Not telling your husband so he wont leave will kill him when eventually he finds out, not to mention the irreparable damage you’ll do to your child if you drag it on any longer.
Regardless of whose child this is, you need to be honest with your husband. You already know you are wrong to be cheating on him, so you do not need me to tell you that. I personally believe in abortion and believe this might be a good time for one. I don’t believe anyone in that three way mess is ready for or needs a child right now. You need to get your life in order (whatever that ends up being) before you involve a child.
First of all stop sleeping with your ex, in fact stop talking to your ex. You don’t have anything in common, except he likes your vagina and you like his penis. That’s it. We know this because you stated it, and you have no idea who you baby’s dad is.
Secondly, if the baby is your ex’s baby I would definitely tell your husband, because he will eventually find out when the baby ends up having red hair and you and your husband have brown hair. I don’t know your hair color just using it as an example. But anyway your husband will find out one way or another.
Thirdly, stop sleeping around and being an a-hole. Maybe you should tell your husband what you have done, or else you will have this guilt hanging on your shoulders for the rest of your life.
"I havn’t told my husband, and I really don’t want to. It would hurt him so bad."
What, like finding out that his wife has been f*cking her ex WOULDN’T hurt him?!?
You don’t really give a damn about HIS feelings. Quit telling yourself that you do. If you really gave a damn about your husband’s feelings, you wouldn’t be f*cking your ex.
"thats not right to hide that from my husband"
You’ve been f*cking your ex for "quite some time now" and only NOW you’re worried about hiding stuff from your husband?!?
God, do you have YOUR priorities screwed up.
So, it was okay to hide stuff from your husband as long as there wasn’t a physical reminder of the fact that you’ve been f*cking someone else staring you in the face every day?
"that would be wrong right"
Why should you start worrying NOW about what’s "wrong"? It obviously hasn’t bothered you before. And since it sounds like you’re still f*cking your ex, "wrong" and "right" obviously still don’t matter to you.
"and I know I have to stop sleeping with him, but its so hard"
Wah wah wah wah. Put on your big girl panties and grow up.
It doesn’t matter who the father is. Tell your husband the truth, because he deserves to know exactly the sort of person he’s married to. Then HE gets to make the decision about whether or not you’re worth staying married to.
HE is the innocent party in this. Him and your daughter. What YOU want and what YOUR EX want don’t matter for sh*t.
Advice would be hard to give with a holey story as this.a lot of growing is in need.
You are just trying to make up for the feelings of rejection you feel from when he dumped your ass the first time. Why else could you love an ex so much to ruin your own family, not to mention your husband whom you claim to love?
This is different than a one night stand, there are serious emotion issues that will not be forgiven by just a sorry. You don’t deserve forgiveness, that is to say, if the man forgives you, he is much too good for you. It seems to me that you will do this again, siting reasons like “my husband doesn’t make love to me the way i want” or something like “the guy was so hot and it was supposed to be just once” all the while playing the victim.
Remember, you made the mistake, and you are only saving your own feelings by not telling him. The longer you put this off, the more he will hate you.
you are asking whether or not you should be telling him. This isn’t the question you should be asking. Its HOW. pathetic..