Need relationship advice! Please help!?
The reason I am posting this question in the Ramadan forum is because I think I can get more realistic advice from other Muslims, preferably those who are familiar with Lebanese culture.
To make a long story short, I was in a Mut3a with my ex for nearly 5 years. We are both Lebanese, and I began to get fed up because we were not married or even engaged after all that time. There were things that I could’ve done to better the relationship but I was stubborn and chose not to do so. We broke up in November 2008. I thought that it was time for me to get married, so I became engaged to another man in April. (We did not get married Islamically, we only did an engagement party with family.) All during this time I could not stop thinking of my ex, but I went on with the engagement. I ended my engagement 2 months ago because I cannot deny the love I still have for my ex. He is my 7ob, my hayati, my one true love.
Here is the bad part. His family found out about my engagement and he says that there is almost no way that his parents would allow us to marry because I went ahead and got engaged to another man. Wallahi I swear on the Quran that I realize I made a huge mistake and I need to fix it. I made istikhara and it tells me to keep pursuing this. My ex has always been good to me, even when I didn’t deserve it. I hurt him so much by getting engaged so soon- he had even bought an engagement ring for me before he knew that I was planning on getting engaged. However, I was talking to my now ex-fiance at the time so I turned him away. I need any advice on how to get back into his family and to show them how much I love and care for their son! Please help!
I don’t need any haters saying that Mut3a is haram- if you are not Shia and you want to knock Mut3a then please do not answer! Also… for those who may not know, Mut3a is not necessarily used for sex- it is a also way for Muslims to get to know one another and be able to spend time with one another.
I should also add that before all this happened, his parents and siblings treated me as part of the family. They were always telling him that he will not find anyone better than me. But now they have began looking for a girl for my ex to get engaged to because they feel he needs to get married since he is their only child that is not married. I don’t know if his family knows that I am not engaged anymore as I haven’t talked to them.
12 hours ago
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Tagged with: 7ob • engagement party • engagement ring • fiance • happ • haters • hayati • lebanese culture • mistake • muslims • parents • quran • Ramadan • realistic advice • relationship • true love
Filed under: Ways To Get An Ex Back
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May Allah save the Muslim sisters from prostitution
Okay…
wow, the dude even bought u an engagement ring. such bad timing on ur side. tbh, i have no idea how u can amend things, but if u are serious this time round, then you need to show his family that you still are a good person, and that you made a mistake. obviously nothing happens between a couple who are engaged, and i see nothing wrong with your previous enagement.
i hope it works, out, sorry cant be more help.
@sonja: well why should i be offended by ur comment in the first place, when in my sect mutah is not harram. so shut ur mouth lesbo.
@sonja: well the asker has her own mind, and if she does like my post then its up to her. so mind ur own business. and secondly, i can tell how much u liked my post. im not stupid, nor am i a fool. so play ur games with someone ur own size.
May Allah ease ur pain….and reward u with wat u deserve…………
Does he love you? That is step one.
Will he forgive you? That is step two.
If the answer to the above two questions is yes, you can then go to his family and talk to them. Tell them
1. You thought he was playing with you and never going to move forward.
2. Your engagement was not serious; you were in love with him but angry and trying to get back at him. Foolish? yes. Immature? yes. And you’re sorry.
3. You are willing to do whatever it takes to make up for this.
They may accept you and they may not.
However
It is likely that even if he forgives you and they accept you it is still likely that there will be lasting suspicion and anger throughout your life from him and his family.
I’m afraid you made a huge mistake and sometimes there is no way out of these mistakes.
Mutah is wrong, you shouldn’t have done it, you should repent and maybe with forgiveness will come a return.
Yes take ELDA’s (***E*** ) advise. She is our local mutah counselor, with MUCH MUCH experience.
ELDA, I liked your post, so i suggested (it) to the Asker. No need to be rude lil girl.
.
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I don’t understand why people opt for Mutah…? Clearly if one is not ready for marriage they should not commit to one another, and if they do it should be done the proper way i.e Marriage.
-Sorry I can not give you any advice but I ask Allah (swt) to save us all from this and to make things easy for you (ameen).
the prob with some Lebanese families that once they decide to forget about a girl they really forget about her…
But Nothing is impossible i see.
i am against the mut’aa and i remember the shiaa istikhara, well u cant know the answer of the istikhara .. if the fate made u both leave and live far away then the answer is No ur not good to each others, and if they forgive u then the answer is Yes, u are for each others.
i know u wont understand how we (SUNNI) do istikhara,,,
well if i were in ur place, Honestly my advise to u is :
Rou7e 3endon 3al bet ziyara … akid ma 7aykouno ha zyede merte7in, bas rou7e w jarbe tet2arrabe mennon….elilon l7a2i2a, ma fi a7san mnel 7a2i2a.
elilon enik tarakte 5atibik li2anik ba3dik bet7ebbe ebnon, elilon eno ma baddik ela ridahom ta terja3o la ba3ed… elilon enik bet7ebbiyon w eza 3ale2etkon betza3elon fa enik bteterke ebnon bas tama tza3liyon.
farjiyon enik ktir bte7termiyon w badik ridahom… hek bi2amnoulik w bye3tfo 3layke.
jarbe kamen te7ke ur Ex w elilo enik bet7ebbi w hekkkk etc… so ma ma bta3erfe barke eza chefo ebnon mayet fiki marra tenye fa byerdo fiki again ta yese3dou.
Allah yerz2ik zawj sale7. amin
assalamo alaykom
salam sis well my advice to u will be talk to the guy and tell him to talk to his parents maybe he can convice them and also talk to your parents tell them to talk to his!
i hope everything goes well 4 u, dont wrry
ALLAHHAFIZ
The first thing you need to try and find out is if he is still in love with you the way you are with him because sometimes just because something seem or feel good does not mean it good for you. By the way why are you in a rush to get married? let god decide that for you dont go rushing and regret again if he is your husband then no force on the earth will stop you two form being together if he is not your husband no matter what you do it will not work out so my advise is this stay put dont try to convince him or his parents just be yourself and if he is not convince then he does not love you the way you think.