If you think I'm bitter about women's rights and the court system why wouldn't I be?
I’m a black male 35 y/o who got divorced seven years ago. I married a woman with two children and had a daughter with her. I worked hard and we moved from federal housing projects into our own home. She never worked more than part time during the marriage. We divorced as a result of her infidelity, multiple times during the marriage with the last one being with a close family member of mine. She got to live in the house rent free for three years afterwards and she got child child support for my daughter also during this time. I had to live with my mother. But I’ve managed to get the house back and now I have custody of my daughter. But what bothers me is because of all the financial stuff and the living situation, I have been unable to date or find a significant other. I’ve been alone for seven years and women have told me that I’m not marriage material because of my finances and the fact that I can’t provide for another family. So as women on this forum, how am I suppose to feel or react? Women’s rights or empowerment has done nothing for me and men like myself. Women who are financially stable or well off say that I’m a downgrade for them. So how am I suppose to feel about this? My ex-wife gets to date and sleep with whomever and here I am lonely night after night. Where’s the fairness and equality in that?
Related Information:
Tagged with: child support • empowerment • equality • fairness • family member • housing projects • infidelity • lonely night • marriage • marriage material • multiple times • part time • seven years • sleep
Filed under: Ways To Get An Ex Back
Like this post? Subscribe to my RSS feed and get loads more!
You are totally justified in feeling bitter towards a family court system that is there to serve women. We need a men’s rights movement because of this injustice.
Your finding the wrong sort of women. Try a church type who values what money can’t buy. You sound like a good guy to me. I had an ex that cheated on me then worked "under the table" to not pay child support. The Courts don’t always do right by women either.
You’re lucky the court didn’t make you pay child support on your ex-wife’s spawn as well.
I know several guys who have to pay child support on kids that aren’t even theirs!
i agree with you. many of us guys get the short end of the stick. is it any wonder we are bitter?
I’m sorry that you feel that way, but you’re looking at it completely wrong. Feel bitter towards your wife. Hate her if you like. But why on earth does that make you hate all women? News flash – I’m not your wife! None of my female friends (insofar as I’m aware) is your wife! Your wife screwed you over, women did not. You might not have wanted to split up with your wife but how can you oopse other women having that option? What happened to you has nothing to do with women’s rights (which aren’t technically supposed to benefit men, think about it, it’s in the *name*) it’s about one woman and your inability to move on.
Get some counselling and join and dating website.
I don’t think women having rights had or has anything to do with your situation. You are displacing your anger on women.
Your disdain for her is coloring your view. The fact that you mention her only working part time during the marriage was probably okay when you were together. That was a choice you made together. She took over most of the unpaid labor of running a household and saved child care costs I presume.
I would suggest you work towards getting yourself on sounder financial footing and look for companionship.
Murph
I don’t understand how this is grossly unfair- they had a home, he has the home and the child now. How does that equate to him being allowed to kill her? So she cheated. Lots of people cheat its not grounds for murder. How is she greedy and shallow?
I’m with you, buddy! My story parallels yours in many ways. And the court system is NOT fair to men when it comes to family law, and they realize it. I dealt with it by becoming active in legislation and I was able to change an important law that helped non-custodial parents have more quality time with their children beyone the every-other-weekend and alternating-holidays thing. It did not solve all the problems, but it felt like I finally WON one for not just men, but non-custodials in general, and the number of non-custodial mothers is growing as the lines continue to blur between traditional mother/father and care taker / bread winner roles.
One suggestion would be to think of your Ex as a chapter of your life that is over — at least insofar as your ever needing to compare your happiness to hers. You can always find someone to compare yourself to and see how you don’t have as much freedom, happiness, money, etc., as they do. I have not dated in years because I chose to focus on the family I have versus trying to start a new one with someone else which I knew would only complicate the family I already had. Yes I am divorced and have been so for 9 years. In my experience, every relationship I attempted after that always ended up being about HER. They want a new HORSE to hitch to their WAGON and for YOU to PULL IT! It’s not about your happiness anymore, in their minds, because like you, they have families of their own (typically) they want to take care of. So almost invariably, you will become subordinate unless you find some nice lady with no children or a mother mature enough to understand that spouse has some level of priority over children, ultimately, because the kids will grow up, move away and start families of their own. And then where will the parent be? Alone and lonely with fewer chances of finding another life partner. THATS why too many second marriages fail. One of the parents or both still keep their children in the top priority position for all things and the new spouse ends up feeling an also ran or back of the bus to the family who was there first.
Like you, I get lonely sometimes too. But then I look around and I see how many problems others are having in their relationships and how much work it takes to keep a woman happy in today’s throw away world of quickie divorces and laws geared primarily to advantage women, children, and their divorce attorneys — and I count my blessings that I am finally…at last, at last…FREE! And I can sleep at night and not have to worry about something I said or didn’t say, or did or didn’t do or think, that has landed me in some woman’s doghouse because that’s where they want to keep you, just as a matter of principle.
You can come and go and do as your please right now, my friend. Do you know how many poor suffering dumb S.O.B.’s out there would give anything to be in your shoes right now, just to have a little freedom and the peace of mind knowing that they are finally RIGHT..and not always WRONG as long as SHE is around? I’m sorry, but a little squeeze every now and then isn’t worth the sacrifice of all your freedom, your money, your children, your peace of mind and even your dreams because they want those too. MAYBE there is a good woman out there for you somewhere who will love you for the person you are versus the weight of your wallet. Let me know if you find her and ask if she has a sister. They will talk a very altruistic and non-selfish game in the beginning, but once they have you, you will learn that it is ALL ABOUT THEM!
Don’t worry. You’re beautiful. Be happy and let God lead your way.
what is done to men in these cases are criminal and unjust. When I hear about men killing their exes in situations like this I think it’s almost justified homicide. The laws need to be changed. But you shouldn’t hate all women over the greedy, shallow ones. Anyone who believes in equality should believe in changing the court system.
Next time choose a better partner.
Sorry for your luck with this one.
At least you have custody of your daughter. From what I understand it is difficult for a man to gain custody unless the mother is a total fry.
Most of the men I see complaining here are making a fuss because they don’t get the kids or the house. You have them – and now you know it’s hard to date when you’re a single parent. Guess what, single mothers find it hard to date as well. If you didn’t had a child, I’m sure you could go out to a pub at night and pull some and "sleep with whoever" – which it sounds like something you’d value more than what you’ve got. I fail to see how women’s rights and the court system are responsible for your lack of dates, it’s probably being a single parent and your bitter personality. As for the woman thinking you’re not "marriage material" because you’re not making enough, I guess you’re finding the wrong type of women.
Harriet
I do not even understand how I finished up right here, however I believed this put up was great. I don’t understand who you are but definitely you’re going to a famous blogger when you are not already. Cheers!