Cancelled my wedding and feeling very confused, hopeless. What should I do?
I dated my gf for about a year and we were supposed to get married this winter. However, I ended up cancelling the wedding for several some reasons that I thought would become big issues in the future: 1) she’s very close to her family and makes me feel like I will always be second best, 2) she’s vegetarian and expects me not eat meat at home if her parents/relatives are over – this means no BBQs, no family parties where I can have meat, etc., 3) she’s passive aggressive – keeps bringing up stuff even if we might have discussed them before to see if she’s get her way yet once more – this annoys the crap out of me, 4) she has a lot of beliefs about proper etiquette – when we were dating, she wanted me to pay for every dinner right from the beginning, which i did, but not once did she insist on picking up the whole check (my ex-GF couldn’t care less who paid for the dinner, but she does) …anyway, we cancelled our wedding.
I’m now feeling completely confused. I’m in my mid-30s and feel like I don’t have the energy to chase girls any more. Any girls I was ever "ga-ga" about didn’t want to go out with me, or gave me stupid mixed signals or were already taken. It’s now getting worse – I haven’t been going out in awhile and recently skipped a birthday party because some of my gf’s friends were attending (and I knew they’d ask about us). I’m just getting sick of the whole dating thing. Feel like I kinda blew my personal life. I should have started early and tried to grab a good looking, easy going, genuine, fun girl. It seems like a total long-shot now.
How do I shake this feeling? Did i over-react and cancel the wedding? Have people cancelled their wedding in their mid-30s and then come back and made it? There’s a big part of me that wants to reconcile, but I’m also very confused. Any idea what I should do – I know it’s ridiculous to ask a forum, but would love any words of advice. Thanks very much.
Related Information:
Tagged with: birthday party • crap • ex gf • family parties • girls • mid 30s • mixed signals • parents • personal life • proper etiquette • relatives • right from the beginning • words of advice
Filed under: Ways To Get An Ex Back
Like this post? Subscribe to my RSS feed and get loads more!
You had good reasons to cancel your wedding and your gf sounded like a very uncool person, but if you loved her then maybe you both can change for better? If she loves you she probably would do anything to be with you. However you didn’t mention that you still love her or you want to be with her.
Life doesn’t end here. You still have your life ahead of you and don’t let the woman ruin it. I’m a woman and I know that we are very confusing people. You should go out there an enjoy your life. Don’t try to force yourself to look for love. The best chances to find love are when you are not expecting it and when you are not searching for it.
Rethink your life a little bit and analyze your current situation.
Marry ur gf’s sister.
Dude, first off I’m not reading that wall of text. Second, why are you depressed? You either want to be in the relationship and get married or not. You chose the latter. So you should be happy. You’re single. Go out find a new girl. If not go get married. Stop being a chick.
Dude don’t throw your life away on a drama queen, go get you a mail order bride.No chasing involved. go get you a little Korean, phillipino or Russian girl that likes what ever you like, and dose what you do.You could be a 400 pounder with cheese and come home to a hot chick every night, also they are the only wife you will get with a warranty. if they divorce you before a set period of time they get deported!
http://www.hotrussianbrides.com
http://www.daterussianbrides.com
http://www.FilipinaHeart.com
http://www.dream-marriage.com
filipinas.us
http://www.philippine-ladies-personals.com/asian_links.html -
I think you cancelled the wedding for good reasons. If you had doubts and she wasn’t reassuring you or neither of you were openly communicating, marriage just makes that worse.
A healthy marriage works for both people, it’s not an opportunity for one to control the other. So her belief that you can’t have meat even though she’s the vegetarian is unreasonable. Bringing up old disagreements or discussions tells me she wasn’t satisfied with the outcome and so the issues needed to be dealt with. If she was using them as an opportunity to get her way, that’s out and out selfish. As far as her being close to her family, to be honest that’s usually a good thing. Families are what bind people together and make them stronger. Unless it was an unhealthy bond, maybe you’re expecting too much.
That being said, you haven’t ruined your life. You’re only in your mid-30′s. No big deal. I never considered any man worthwhile until he was at least 35 anyway. That’s when they finally grow up and become interesting people.
It’s obvious you need a break from dating and the whole relationship thing. You need some time to think and reflect. You need to realize that you’re not blameless in your former relationship. Be responsible for your part in it and take accountability for what you may have done or not done. Forgive yourself for being imperfect. Then you can move on.
You will find the right person and not have to settle. It’s not always easy, it’s not usually the person you think it’s going to be or the type of person you’re normally attracted to. Sometimes it takes a bit of time but it’s ALWAYS worth it.
It sounds like your reasons for marriage were because you were in your mid-30s and you dated her for a year. Not sound reasons to get married.
I don’t think you should reconcile. Not once in that long post did you mention love. It sounds like you feel like you should be married, not that you absolutely love this person.
She sounds like a pain in the a-s-s that would walk all over you. Not let you eat meat because she doesn’t? That’s nuts.
I think you look at this as a blessing. You did the right thing. Move on and find a person that likes you for you. You’re not too old. You have plenty of time.
well it sounds to like you were just settling for her because you don’t think you can find someone else…this is very wrong and will just end in you being miserable and also it is not fair to her that you are not with her for the right reasons…the fact that you mention an ex in this shows that she is not who you are looking for and you also never say anything good about your fiance…do you love her? can you see yourself happy spending the rest of your life with her? don’t marry her just because you feel like it is to late to find someone else…you should be marring her because she is your best friend your soul mate the person who understands you like no other person can…if you don’t feel that way about her then it is a good thing you canceled the wedding…you need to really think about this and look deep in your heart to make the right decision…and talk to your fiance tell her that you can’t live your life lieing to her family about eating meat or whatever she also needs to be able to accept you the way you are and not try to change you no one should ever go into a relationship trying to change another person…if you guys can’t accept and love each other for who you are then sorry but your shouldn’t be together…
Smart move on your part. Did you ever sit down and discuss these issues with her? Don’t give up on love so fast.
There are plenty of easy going fun loving girls out there, your just looking in the wrong places.
And don’t pass up party’s because you might have a mutual friend there. They need to hear your side of the story too. Good Luck.
Cancelling your wedding was the right thing to do. What bothered you before (and that’s why you cancelled your wedding) will bother you tomorrow, next week, next year and twenty years from now.
You need a relationship vacation. Go on in a "single cruise." Drink, dance, and party!
Answered by: A Certified wedding specialist / A Professional bridal consultant / A Wedding ceremony officiant
You only came up with four reasons to cancel the wedding?? I think you overreacted. She probably has to say equally a lot of things about you! But you should focus on what you did like about her. Do you think the good qualities can compensate for the bad ones? In the end of the time you can probably never find a person who is perfect. So what if you can’t have BBQ? I have lived a whole family life without them! And when you guys start your own family she will probably focus on you and the kids and less on her parents. And you say she’s passive-agressive…Just try to deal with it. I bet you have something equally annoying to her but she manages to forgive it. Oh, and the etiquette…When you are a couple the money is common, so it doesn’t matter who pays…Just talk to her, really talk to her. And I bet she will listen and you can find a middle path! Maybe you can have an etiquette-free day every month!! Good luck!
It sounds like this girl was a control freak. And having you pay for all of your dates was not based on etiquette. I feel that she was taking advantage of you.
I think that there are a lot of great girls out there who are also in their mid-thirties. Some of them are single mothers. Don’t rule them out.
A great way to meet people who share your values is to volunteer for a cause in which you believe. Or take a class. Or join a group which does a sport or other activity that you enjoy. Good luck.
I don’t think you over-reacted. I think you and she were just fundamentally incompatible… she sounds very traditional, and has some significant dietary restrictions (religious?). You may want a more modern woman who eats meat, or at least doesn’t care if other people do, and is willing to pay her own way, even if she doesn’t have to. These are kind of big things.
I’m sorry you’re feeling discouraged. I’m not going to pat you on the back and say, "There are plenty of fish in the sea," because the older you get, the less it’s true. You are right to perceive that your dating pool is smaller than it used to be, because it is. Far fewer women in their mid 30s are childless and never married than the other way around… so if you’re looking for childless and never married (in addition to good looking, easy going, genuine & fun), that’s a TALL order.
HOWEVER, studies have shown that most people who desire to get married eventually do. Studies also show that women who marry for the first time over the age of 30 have a VERY low chance of getting divorced. AND studies additionally show that people who are educated and marry older are at the lowest risk of divorce. So the good news is for you that if you can find an educated woman in her 30s who has never been married, your chances of happiness in marriage are high. Also, if she wants kids, she’ll be willing to have them soon, and if she doesn’t want kids, she’ll feel VERY certain about it. That’s an advantage of women in their 30s over 20s.
Yet at the same time, you shouldn’t completely discount women with "baggage." Be open to divorcees and single moms. Yes, it’s a risk to take on someone who’s had a significant history before you, but sometimes people make dumb mistakes when they’re young, and learn from those mistakes to do much better the second time around.
As a man in your 30s, your life is far from over. Finding the right partner will take the right attitude… you have to be someone a woman would WANT to marry… genuine, confident, happy, motivated. If there are some differences that’s okay, as long as you’re both willing to work around them. No relationship is perfect, and it’s unrealistic to want, but "pretty darn good" is completely doable.
I take it you couldn’t communicate with her? I saw this question because I am getting married and all we have been doing is fighting. I am only 3 weeks away and I don’t know if it will get better. It is like a constant roller coaster. Some days are amazing and then they can drop so suddenly. I don’t think enough of the women you talk about marrying at a younger age (a good looking, easy going, genuine, fun girls) actually exist for the majority of men. Some guys get lucky and find one and snatch her up quick (If he is smart). But for the rest of us we have to settle for what we can deal with. If you really think you are not going to find anyone else better you have to ask yourself two questions. Do I want to settle for worse or do I want to possibly wait another 20 years, or forever, for the "right one"? If the answer to both of those questions is know i think you should take a more proactive approach with your ex and be strong. Tell her how you feel and what you want and try your hardest to get what you want. It is never easy to be happy and becoming complacent is natural. Just remember that you need to make sure you have a life of your own separate from your wife.
Sounds like you made a smart decision. I don’t know her side of the story but let me tell you, I’m mid 30′s and going through a divorce because I am not compatible with my ex. We don’t have the first thing in common. Marriage is tough but I still hold onto the hope that I will one day find some really great guy whom I have lots of stuff in common with who will be my best friend for life and not let his family control every little aspect of our lives. I hear you on the in law thing. If they accepted you for who you are they would accept your beliefs and not shun you for not being like them. Been there, done that. Don’t lose faith in women or love, just be patient. You will find it.