Why won’t my wife trust me? Will she ever again? Is there anything I can do to make her more secure?
Looking at my wife, you would say she is a 10 out of 10. Nearly every guy we pass makes eyes at her, and so on. There is one thing holding her back. She feels her womanly parts are unattractive. She has felt like this her whole life. It makes her so insecure that if someone she feels is good looking is comes across the television for one second she looks at me to see if I am looking. I do not "check out other women." I am much in love with my wife and think she is the most beautiful girl I have ever met. I have told her that her body is very beautiful all over (and I am being honest). It boggles my mind that she does not think so but I know I have no control over how she views herself. I guess I just want to make her feel beautiful. Telling her does not do it, and the ways that I have tried to show her do not seem to work either. She hides it during sex, and has only let me see it twice. She had an incident when she was younger, and I think that plays a large role of her feeling insecure. We have been married almost a year and have been together for three years.
To add fuel to the fire I made a HUGE mistake. She really enjoys sex a lot. Ideally, I think she wants to have it once a day. A few months ago, I tried to make myself be able to last longer at sex by "servicing myself" when I could so that when we had sex I wouldn’t finish so fast. A few times I looked at porn, and randomly one day she asked if I had ever watched porn. I was open and honest and told her a few times and I told her why. I said that if it didn’t make her comfortable I would not do it anymore. She said she didn’t care as long as I’m happy. A few days later I did not delete my internet history and she saw what I was looking at. She did not see what it was, she just saw it was porn and she flipped. She got so mad at me and said she wasn’t enough and was very upset. I said (honestly) it was a rare thing and she said it was ok, and I only did it to last longer. I apologized again and again and she says she forgives me but will never forget it and feels like I almost cheated on her and that I used other women to "get-off". She has lost almost all trust in me because of this. She thinks I am looking at other girls sexually all of the time. She does not want to even bring her friends around because she thinks I will be looking at them. She says I pay more attention to women than I do men when we have guests over. She is convinced all I do is look at their boobs, but this is not true at all. I look and talk to their faces and I looked at their boobs it was not on purpose and I was not checking someone out sexually. It seems like she wants me to only pay attention to the men and only talk to them or focus all my attention on them. Regardless, she feels that I cheated on her and she said that she could easily cheat on me, too. The fact the I looked at another girl to "get-off" was cheating, and she has lost her trust in me.
I am in deep and I feel so bad. Now we have next to no sex and I know its my fault. She says she doesn’t feel comfortable having sex with me anymore now. I screwed up big time and I admit it. And I’m truly sorry about it. I have apologized again and again but her point is that I cheated on her and if she cheated on me I would not trust her or want to forgive her. She bring this up every once in a while and it makes me upset. She says that I need to be a strong person, too. It is like she does not want me to be completely happy because I screwed up but she does not want me to be sad about it. I am at such a loss I do not know what to do. Could I try and talk to her best friend for some advice? Is there anything I can do? I just want to make her happy again.
I asked if we could go to counseling and she is totally 100% against it. There is no compromise here. I think the reason she does not want to go is because she does not want someone telling her what’s wrong with her. I can accept that I am not perfect I would do anything to try and make myself better.
