How did shakespear find his inspiration
did it come from personal experience i donr know
i think so
this story goes back half my life
its about love
loss
and happiness
joy
and life
every day we are given choices
my father has always said that "no decision is a decision and its always the wrong one"
he is right

19 years ago I was 16 it was summer and i was working at my first real job i was doing dishes. after a few weeks of being there i met her.
She was a tall brunet with thick long slightly curly hair. she was quick to smile and her eyes squinted at the corners when she did.
Built Like Marlin Monroe such amazing curves. her eyes i can never forget peircing brown sparkling with inner light
beautifull clear skin with a tinge of somthing exotic. I was horsing around with her and her best friend as she walked away i snapped a bar towel at her playfulley
it was the perfect snap right off her 18 year old but it was not my intention to hurt her in the slightest i was trying to be cute.
after the towel snapped she jolted ramrod straightand her eyes flashed fire then she quickly turned and walked away from me. I have thought about than moment more times than i can count
how it has reverberated through my life.
i thought her friend was going to dump hot coffee on me.
i quickly went after her to apologise i caught up to her and she had tears in her eyes,my gut churned and i was so sorry, those eyes burned into my heart that day.

She forgave me, and even concented to go out with me even though she was older by 2 years and went to a different high school which is a big thing in a small town.
so we dated kinda on the sly.
our second date
we ended up on a bluff overlooking the town at night.
we smoked some pot and were chatting away listining to music the timing was right

the chemistry was right
and we kissed, it was perfect.
for me it would be the kiss all others have been measured against, and found lacking

i didnt even have my licence yet, or a car she was very popular had lots of friends played basketball
I knew i was in for a tough sell with this girl, but i was hooked
then it came apart
her ex boyfriend came back into her life he was older was more exciting was a bad boy, and they had history.
so we were just friends then and worked together.
over the next few years we grew into great friends, we had common friends and hung out all the time,
in fact her best friend eventually married my best friend they have a beautifull family and are happy
i had girl friends, but she was still in my head.
she told me he had asked her to get married, she had agreed. i was happy for her, kinda.
but there was still chemistry between us and we always found ourselves drawn to each other
we always honered our promises to others but we had become best friends confidonts.
things started to go wrong for her when she was about 19
her relationship was devolving into somthing bad and dangerous he was becoming more erratic and hard drugs were being abused.
she was a mess emotionally, then her father got laid off from the paper mill ( thanks spotted owl)
he found another job but is was in vermont and they were moving away.
she stayed in their house and tried to make a home with him she payed the mortgage worked hard
and i was her only outlet
I fell madly in love with her
i knew she loved me but she couldent say it, she was so sad
we were spending more and more time together
and before long she told me she loved me too
everything changed then
things with him went from bad to worse
and she was torn she loved him too, he could be dangerouse and unpredictable though
the next few months we saw as much of each other as we could, I thought if i could love her enough she could get the strength to finally get him out of her life
and everyone be safe.
for a few months though we were magic
I held her in my arms, she loved me it was good
sounds silly and cliche, but it was the happiest time in my life
but after a time i realized somthing was wrong
with reflection i have come to realized that I had become connected to the past. I couldent understand that then
I could feel her pulling away emotionally and the rejection was tormenting
i thought if i held on tighter i could hold this thing together
she was for the first time as an adult now enjoying her freedome. and I was too much of a reminder of pain
I reacted with anger jealousy my heart was breaking this wasnt supposed to happen
we rerely spoke any more
i sank into depression drugs and self pity
all the things she hated
and i loved her anyway
we drifted apart i would see her from time to time but everythinh had changed she looked at me with contempt
then I saw her dating a friend of mine I was filled with rage at him, at her, at myself.
I felt such a fool
i felt so used
i was so hurt
i wanted to hurt her so bad, I wanted her to feel the pain i felt this betrayel
FOR THE REST OF THE STORY GO H
go here…http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.ListAll

Technorati Tags: 19 years, bar towel, brunet, chemistry, choices, clear skin, Curly Hair, curves, doing dishes, Feedback, half my life, happiness, hot coffee, inspiration, intention, job, love, marlin monroe, personal experience, second date, smile, tears in her eyes, those eyes, tinge, town at night

I came home from work and my wife of 19 years was gone. She didn’t take much except some clothes and a few things. She left a lengthy note which was dated a few weeks ago telling me that she’s in love with someone else and is pregnant with his child. She says she’s sorry but she hasn’t loved me for years and it’s all been a show until the girls grew up. She says she’s not coming back and I’ll get divorce papers in the mail. I called her work and her boss said she gave her notice a couple of weeks ago and she’s been gone for a week.

I feel like I’m going to throw up. Our twin 18 year old girls are away at college and don’t know she’s gone yet. I don’t know what to say to them.

I feel like just driving off a bridge. I feel like drinking until I pass out. I feel like emptying my bank account and spending it on hookers or just trying to pick up some girl at a bar and screw her. I just want to feel something good. I can barely feel anything except agony.

I did virtually nothing at work today but fight back tears and hope nobody came by my desk or talked to me.

I don’t know why this happened. I loved her to death. She was everything to me. We laughed and spent wonderful time together. We almost never fought, we talked, flirted, went out dancing just like we did 20 years ago and had a wonderful time… all the time. She always had a huge smile, ran to me when I came home, and did everything I thought a loving wife did.

How could I ever love again? I can’t tell the difference between someone who loves me and someone who doesn’t. Can one of you ladies in here explain to me how someone could masquerade as a loving wife for so many years and never give me a clue that she was unhappy? Why wouldn’t she just tell me she wasn’t happy and then maybe I could have fixed whatever was wrong.

Technorati Tags: 100 Girls, 18 year old girls, 19 years, agony, boss, bridge, clothes, clue, desk, divorce papers, hasn, hookers, love, loving wife, mail, masquerade, smile, wonderful time

I came home from work and my wife of 19 years was gone. She didn’t take much except some clothes and a few things. She left a lengthy note which was dated a few weeks ago telling me that she’s in love with someone else and is pregnant with his child. She says she’s sorry but she hasn’t loved me for years and it’s all been a show until the girls grew up. She says she’s not coming back and I’ll get divorce papers in the mail. I called her work and her boss said she gave her notice a couple of weeks ago and she’s been gone for a week.

I feel like I’m going to throw up. Our twin 18 year old girls are away at college and don’t know she’s gone yet. I don’t know what to say to them.

I feel like just driving off a bridge. I feel like drinking until I pass out. I feel like emptying my bank account and spending it on hookers or just trying to pick up some girl at a bar and screw her. I just want to feel something good. I can barely feel anything except agony.

I did virtually nothing at work today but fight back tears and hope nobody came by my desk or talked to me.

I don’t know why this happened. I loved her to death. She was everything to me. We laughed and spent wonderful time together. We almost never fought, we talked, flirted, went out dancing just like we did 20 years ago and had a wonderful time… all the time. She always had a huge smile, ran to me when I came home, and did everything I thought a loving wife did.

How could I ever love again? I can’t tell the difference between someone who loves me and someone who doesn’t. Can one of you ladies in here explain to me how someone could masquerade as a loving wife for so many years and never give me a clue that she was unhappy? Why wouldn’t she just tell me she wasn’t happy and then maybe I could have fixed whatever was wrong.

Technorati Tags: 100 Girls, 18 year old girls, 19 years, agony, boss, bridge, clothes, clue, desk, divorce papers, hasn, hookers, love, loving wife, mail, masquerade, smile, wonderful time

i made a question earlier about how my 2 year gf left me, when she moved to uni, and got with another boyfriend just 2 weeks later. i was so mad and felt so betrayed, i posted pics on facebook of her naked, that just made me feel worse,

she left me a month ago, she made no effort to contact me and is very clear she doesnt love me anymore.

how ever, everyday i still wake up and she is the first thing i think about, when i was with her, i really did stop thinking about other girls completely.

my whole life i only ever wanted one girl, just one a perfect girl, i really thought she was the one.

problem now is, i have 2 mates who never do anythink, no contacts, no way of meeting new people, im scared i will never find anyone special again,and worse is it posible to truly love again? does love ever die?
will i always be afraid to open my heart to some one again, will i always fear love. will i always live in fear of it happening again?
does it ever get easy?
how can love be so painful?

Technorati Tags: 19 years, break, facebook, first love, gf, girls, Girls Life, heart, mates, People, perfect girl, whole life

I want my husband back!

My husband left 7 months ago but didn’t file for divorce until 4 months later. He told me he wouldn’t come back no matter what I said or did. The back story: We met almost 19 years ago when I was dating another guy. He and I hit it off immediately but because I was in a relationship, we had to be “just friends”.

For a year and a half he followed me around as I did things with friends and invited him along, in addition to him showing up and calling me at work a lot to “check on our computers” (since he was our computer repair guy). My boss said we never got that kind of service from him before I started working there. He’d take me out as “friends” when my boyfriend was working or out of town, etc., and we always had a blast.

As soon as my then boyfriend and I broke up, my now husband was there to catch me when I fell. The blinders came off of my eyes and I finally saw what a wonderful guy he was and I fell for him, hard. We dated, moved in together months later, lived together over a year and then married. We were a couple for 17 years and we’ve been married for 15 years, plus the 7 months we’ve been separated. About 4 years into the marriage (about 7 years after we were were a couple) I started rescuing dogs and placing them in new homes whenever possible, until the homes started drying up.

We had as many as 12 dogs (and a cat) at one time. When he left me we still had 9 dogs (and the cat). He told me he left because I wouldn’t get rid of the dogs as he kept asking me to do, and that I was emotionally abusive to him and treated him like a doormat. I disagree, and I reminded him of how I had been in a severe depression for over 5 years, and that’s why I couldn’t part with the dogs then, because I needed them more than they needed me (I hadn’t been feeling the love from him for a long time, but they made me feel loved).

Since he left (saying he wasn’t coming back no matter what I said or did) I told him I’d get rid of the dogs and go back to marriage counseling, but he said it’s too late. Later, I found out he told his best friend (who’s also my best friend) that he would have gotten rid of the dogs the next day if I left him and they were his dogs.

When he left he said he wasn’t coming back, no matter what I said or did, but I still tried to find the dogs homes one by one, in case he would change his mind seeing that I was able to let them go now. He told the friend he didn’t think I was serious about placing them.

Anyway, now that 1 dog has been placed and 2 have since died, and the others will be placed very soon, he’s saying it no longer matters because he’s just not coming back.

Now he says his counseling is helping him learn about himself (from the marriage counselor we had both been seeing, but that I had been seeing with him but had left for good reason), and he says if he would have known himself then the way he does now, he wouldn’t have gotten married. This from the guy that followed me like a puppy dog for a year and a half, while I was with another guy, and even dated my roommate at my request so he could spend more time with me (he told me this a couple of years after we were married).

I don’t know what to believe now. He wanted me, waited for me, married me and now says he knows himself better and wouldn’t have married me. All this was said AFTER I got rid of the dogs that he said he wanted me to get rid of (the ones that were supposedly the main reason he left me over, in addition to my supposed emotional abuse of him). I feel he thought I was emotional abusive because he kept things inside and I always tried to get things out in the open. He hates conflict of any kind, because of his parents’ tumultuous relationship during his childhood.

Is there any hope for us? Does anyone out there know what’s really going on inside his mind (and NO, he’s never, ever been unfaithful, ever, me neither), and how I can reach him? He’s VERY prideful and doesn’t want to admit to ME that I hurt him by not letting go of the dogs and that he felt I didn’t love him enough and loved them more than him (which was NEVER true).

He’d tell me that in the past, but I didn’t think he was serious. Now he’s told friends that too, but he won’t tell me now that it’s part of it (mainly the biggest part of it according to our friends, and to me). Please help if you can figure him out and have answers for me. And please hold the negative and mean comments, I’m very emotional right now and raw, and I don’t need that kind of thing, trust me. All legitimate helpers with possible helpful answers are much needed to reply.

Thanks.

Technorati Tags: 17 years, 19 years, 4 months, 7 months, blinders, boss, Computer Guy, computer repair, divorce, dogs, doormat, just friends, long time, love, marriage, new homes, quot, relationship, repair guy, severe depression, wonderful guy

I love my friend she is the most amazing girl ever. She knows I like her A LOT. We were supposed to hang out yesterday but she never called me back:(, I don’t know why, she asked me to see if I wanted to hang out. This isn’t the first time she backed out at the last minute on our plans. We have been friends for 2 years and we have hung out A LOT before she got in trouble recently. Her parents are kind of strict which might be the reason why she couldn’t call me yesterday but do you think she will call me again? I don’t talk to her or see her that much anymore because she got in trouble:( this is such a Bummer! because I miss her a lot and I can’t stop thinking about her! What should I do? I want to move on and not think about her as much but it seems like wherever I go something reminds me of her!

thanks

BTW I’m 19 years old and she is soon to be 18 years old and she wants to move out ASAP when she turns 18.

Technorati Tags: 18 years, 19 years, asap, bummer, last minute, love, parents

How do u get ur ex back in a difficult time 4 u?

My girlfriend broke up wit me 6 weeks ago cus of something i said in bad temper. I was stressed at finding out my mum mite have cancer again and i was very sick myself.

She said she only broke up wit cus wat i said meant i didn’t trust her. we were really in love and she said that when we broke up up she wud still always love me but when i pressured her she said she didn’t love me.

I have found out that i mite have cancer at 19 years of age and im nervously waiting on test results, i love her and need her support. how do i go about getting her bak cus i really need her now

I really love this girl and i really want 2 b with her,I always trusted her.

Technorati Tags: 19 years, bad temper, cancer, girlfriend, love, mite, test results, wit

How do u get ur ex back in a difficult time 4 u?

My girlfriend broke up wit me 6 weeks ago cus of something i said in bad temper. I was stressed at finding out my mum mite have cancer again and i was very sick myself. She said she only broke up wit cus wat i said meant i didn’t trust her. we were really in love and she said that when we broke up up she wud still always love me but when i pressured her she said she didn’t love me.

I have found out that i mite have cancer at 19 years of age and im nervously waiting on test results, i love her and need her support. how do i go about getting her bak cus i really need her now

I really love this girl and i really want 2 b with her,i always trusted her.

Technorati Tags: 19 years, bad temper, cancer, girlfriend, love, mite, test results, wit

We have beeen married 5 years. Normal ups and downs. Second for both. He is 56 I am 48.

I am unemployed but have been looking for work for a couple of years now. no jobs in the only thing have ever done-dental office for 20+ years. We were making it on his pay-but no more luxuries like when I was working.
His ex-wife who is out of state called him out of the blue a few months ago. After 19 years apart. They have one daughter 30, and she knows he remarried. She is going through a bad divorce and now realizes after all these years my husband was the only one for her!
He left her because she cheated on him repeatedly.

I found a text on his phone-a gut feeling told me to check. She left him one saying she was so happy he would be giving her another chance and she would never hurt him again!

Long story short, he is leaving me for her. I was a good loving, faithful wife. I made a nice home for him and denied him nothing. She makes good money and part of me thinks he is sick of supporting me and going without, With her they would live high on the hog.

I am in shock. I am hurting so badly because I cannot even imagine why someone would choose a cheater over the real thing. She told him she changed. They have been emailing for a while, and I asked him why as it was disrespectful to me. He said she was only calling him because she has no family and no one else and it would stop. It didn’t and escalated into this. After 20 years apart?

The house was mine when we married-in my name only. There is zero equity in it so if I sold it I might not even break even. I have no money of my own. Even though i could temporarily stay with my parents for a while, I will be homeless without anything but the clotthes on my back. I can’t afford to store my furniture with no money.

I spoke to a lawyer and he said the most I could get for alimony is maybe 0 week for a couple of years. I am losing not only my marriage but everything I worked so hard for all of my life. i have no choice-my family has no money either. My 18 year old son from first marriage lives with me. he is crushed as he really loved his step-dad. Now at 48 I will be moving in with my parents and filing bancruptcy. No money to pay credit cards, car ins., etc.

What was he thinking? The money? That she really changed? My lawyer said she didn’t really want HIM, but the security and familiarity of him after her second husband left her.

How can I cope? My world has disappeared in a matter of days. I know I could never take him back after this (IF he ever wanted that) I am just so confused-what was he thinking????

We are living our lives, she calls out of the blue after no contact for years, and now my marriage is over. Please advise I am losing everything I ever had and I am crushed in every way.

Technorati Tags: 19 years, alimony, cheater, dental office, divorce, Ex Wife, faithful wife, furniture, gut feeling, high on the hog, jobs, lawyer, luxuries, marriage, money, out of the blue, parents, shock, ups, ups and downs

I had my heart broken when I was 19 years old so I stopped dating for 7 years.

Finally in October of 2008, I got my confidence back and I began dating again.I was 26 years old.
I have had no luck in the love department.

I’m going to be 28 years old in February and I still have no husband or children and it really hurts.

I really want to get married and have children someday.I love children and I want children of my own someday.I also want to be happily married like my parents.
I tried these free online dating sites and I have had no luck.I am enrolled on eHarmony.com.Eharmony is a little expensive but its worth it because at least the members are screened first.But these free online dating sites are no good.I have had no luck.

Some of my relatives have no respect for me because I’m not married and I have no kids.Some of my relatives think I’m a total failure because I’m in my late 20s and I’m still not married and I still have no children.

I’m working on my Bachelors in Arts in early childhood education, I work full time,and I have my own place, but still no men seem to want me.I thought men liked women who were educated and self supporting, but I guess thats a lie.I have my own place,I work,and I’m in school but still no men are tugging on my line.

I’m thinking about giving up on love just like I did before.I didn’t date for 7 years.I’m thinking about giving up again.Or maybe I should wait until I move to the south to try love again.I live in Chicago and the men up here are very different from the men in the south.I’m moving to the south when I obtain my Bachelors in Arts.I have a friend who had better luck in the love department when she moved to the south.

How can I cope with being single and childless? I’m going to get 2 cats soon, but the cats can’t replace my desire to have children.
How can I face my family? Some of my relatives still see me as a little girl because I’m single and childless.Some have even dared to question my sexuality.How can I cope with the mean way my relatives view me?

Should I give up on love?

If by the age of 32 no man has come along,I’m going to adopt children and go to the sperm bank and have children artificially.

My biggest fear is that I will get to be an elderly woman who never married or had kids.I don’t want to be the lonely old lady who never married or had children.

I feel pressured to get into a relationship before I turn 30 because my relatives think of me as a failure because I have no man or kids.

And my ex boyfriend said I’m too ugly to procreate.He said I will always be the second best to all men and that I will always be a man’s doormat.He said God doesn’t want me to procreate because Im too ugly.

I’m beginning to believe that my ex boyfriend is right.I’m going to be 28 soon and I still have no kids or husband.And once again some of my relatives will whisper what a failure I am and they will think of me as a child and have no respect for me.

How can I cope?
Should I give up?
If I’m so pretty then why am I still single?

Technorati Tags: 19 years, 28 years, bachelors, better luck, cats, confidence, Desire, early childhood education, eharmony, failure, free online dating sites, full time, giving up on love, heart, little girl, love, no men, online dating sites, parents, relatives, sexuality

I was married to the love of my life for 19 years and then suddenly alone, she left me a shattered man. That was 8 years ago, had a girlfriend for 3 years, she verbally abused me then sent me packing once she found a replacement. When the money dries up so does the relationship. people say time, the right one is out there etc etc. Find it hard to believe but the only woman I can trust is my daughter and my mother. I don’t know if I could ever ever handle another broken heart as I only have one and it never never healed. I miss my ex wife even after 8 years has gone. I am bitter, hurt and my attitude really sucks. I am soo sad, soo lonely and dread the idea of christmas coming and new years again on my own. To stay on my own, whilst lonely, at least stops me from falling in love again and setting myself up for a big thud of a fall again. I am now 48 yo and maybe this is just the way it is suppose to be until my final days.

Technorati Tags: 19 years, 3 years, 8 years, attitude, broken heart, christmas, dries, falling in love, girlfriend, love of my life, money, relationship, thud