My husband’s last relationship ended in 1998, we started dating in 2000 and got married in 2004. Our son was born in 2006.
My husband is an adventurous person, he has a big passion for mountains and the outdoors. I don’t share that passion, but I am ok with him going on climbing, hikes and other adventures. I am a simple person that has a passion for her family, I love my son and husband and love caring for them. My husband also has a passion for his football team, which I’m completely involved in this with him, we go to games together, watch the games on TV, dress in the team’s colors and apparel, etc.
My husband contacted his ex and saw her last July, he said they needed closure and they talked about their past relationship; my husband said he wanted to improve our marriage getting input from his ex about what he has done wrong in their relationship, if he was selfish about doing stuff that he likes to do and not stuff the other person wants to do. She loves trail running and loves the mountains as well, they met again in August to go over some maps and routes they have explored, but they also reminisced about their past experiences who got my husband confused (I read this in an email), he saw her again in September (I never knew he was seeing her at this point, he lied to me).
A few days after their last encounter my husband told me he had been in touch with her and that he needed to tell me because he felt terrible lying to me. He told me that they’re only friends and that they are going to keep that friendship. His ex said that he would not see him if he didn’t tell me that he was going to hang out with her, so he did, only because she asked him. When he told me all of this, I was very confused and felt betrayed because he had lied to me. He said he wanted to see her and go hiking with her and talk about mountains and hang out and also go have a beer from time to time.
I trusted my husband more than any other wife would trust his man (I really trusted him with all my heart), but after this he broke down years of trust, his email has no password on his computer and I usually helped him do business on his email before, so I went and checked his email and didn’t like what I found. There wasn’t really anything that talked about sex, but the way they wrote to each other really made me feel uncomfortable. He mentioned in one of this emails that his heart had been rattled. I told him I saw those emails and offered to set him free so he could be friends with anybody he wanted. I told him I wasn’t going to ask him to drop his friendship, because I am not the person that would do that, but that I would divorce him so he can follow his heart and passion for his mountains with her. He got mad at he and after days and weeks of talking he told me he wasn’t going to talk to her or see her again, which seems true at this point.
I emailed his ex and told her that I didn’t feel comfortable with their friendship, because it had the big potential of becoming an affair if they spend a lot of time together and that could damage our marriage forever, I read something online about Emotional Affairs and it seems that this is exactly what happened between them, but I believe they never slept together while they saw each other these 3 times.
My husband and I seem ok now, we’ve gone through some health issues at this point and haven’t talked about this issue for a couple of weeks, but we did almost every day for a month.
I want to improve our marriage, but I can’t go mountain climbing because it isn’t my thing. We used to enjoy white water rafting before, but since we flipped twice on a trip, I really got scared and he keeps telling me that he misses our trips together, but I often have nightmares about flipping and wake up very scared. Things changed a lot after we had our son, I used to work at home with him (he works from home) but with the economy problems I have working out of the house for 1 ½ years, I work 40 hours a week, have a lot of chores and responsibilities and he says that I don’t have enough time for him sometimes, that I don’t pay attention to his needs. I personally think he is selfish about this, because he gets to enjoy many outdoor things while I stay home taking care of our son and cleaning the house during the weekend while he is out having fun.
Please I need everybody’s opinion and advise on this.
