i have been with my boyfriend for 9 years and he has been sober 1 year 1 month. at first his drinking didn’t bother me cause it wasn’t bad or i thought it wasn’t. 2 years into our relationship i broke up with him because i didn’t like his drinking. we broke up for 6 month.he looked for me and we started talking but took a while for me to go back with him. he would stop drinking and then start again. we went through so many years like that till a year ago he said he was done and he hasn’t drank since. but just this past weekend we bump into friends and family he use to drink with and i think that is a dangerous situation cause i think he could start hanging around with them again and start drinking again. i told him what i was feelings about his old friends and it turned into an argument. am i wrong for not wanting him to talk to them anymore. he stoped drinking all by himself no AA. so i am affraid of him going back to the drinking. i would not want to be with him anymore if he starts drinking again. and its scary to loose him. but i don’t think i’m wrong by not wanting him to keep in touch with his drinking buddies. am i wrong? or should i trust him? its hard to trust him after so many years of me struggling with him and his addiction. one thing is for him to say HI! how have u been and saying see you around and not sit there and talk all night long. please give me some advice. what i should do?
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K brief story. I’ve been married many times (1 alcoholic, 2 cheaters). I was only really in love with my last husband who cheated on me many times. He made our lives a nightmare, the kids couldn’t make a sound while he was home, we had to live by his rules and there was no room for error. But I hung in there until he left. I even asked him to come home, how humiliating. Well I finally moved on with my life but a part of me died. The ability to truly be in love is gone and I don’t want it back. I miss it and am very sad about not having that being a part of my life ever again. But I never want to be hurt that bad again so I will not allow myself to fall in love again, ever. Now having said that, I remarried a wonderful man. But I am not in love with him, and it is getting harder to pretend that I do. I refuse to divorce. So any suggestions are welcome.
I think I did not explain enough. My husband knows how I feel, and I treat him like a king. I do care for him and take very good care of him. We are like a couple who has been married for 20 yrs. I was talking about the "your heart skips a beat every time you see them kind of love" I miss that. But then I am afraid to surrender to it also. And to inform the negative people that chimed in, first I am not a golddigger. I have always worked and never taken a dime from any of my husbands. Next, it is not my fault that my husbands cheated. How can you blame someone for somebody cheating on them? Now I knew that my first husband drank but I had no idea how much until after we were married. My second husband is weak, he will do anything anyone tells him to especially women, so when they began their "relations" it was because they pursued him and he just went along with it. My third husband, I knew was a cheater but I thought he was a christian and had changed.
I do not jump into marriage lightly. I dated each one of my husbands at least 2 yrs before marriage. I did not live with my husbands before marriage so I could not be aware of their "habits" until we started living together. Now my 3rd husband had everyone fooled, coworkers, church friends, etc. Then one day he just never came home, did a 180 degree turn on everyone. We were all in shock. I was married almost 10 yrs (each) to my 2nd & 3rd husbands. My first was less than 3 because I gave him a choice me or the booze, he choose the booze. And to answer why I got married again is simple, my husband while not perfect, is the kindest, most loving person I’ve ever met. If I let him get away I would never find anyone else like him. I am very blessed to have him as my husband.
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