If you love something, set it free…..
"If you love something set it free; if it returns it is yours forever
If It Never Returns, It Was Never Yours To Begin With."
Until recently, I perceived this quote as romantic…. but unrealistic….
Until recently, until a past love re-entered my life, did I actually start pondering its proposal.
Can it be? If I chose to let him go because things were not right for us at that time and my lost love has returned now, is it mine forever, my true love? Did the universe decide this is the right time for us?
A little background on my "freed love". We were young, I was 16, and he was 18. We were crazy, about both life and each other. He had just graduated high school, I had just moved back to the states from Colombia. We wanted to just have fun. We both had that “let’s live life to the fullest” attitude. Everyday was an adventure with him. I remember one day laying on the couch with him and saying “I want to go camping”. He was all forth it, “let’s go! Tomorrow, Friday, ill go to Wal-Mart buy some grub and we will go camping!” And we did. We invited friends, made it a huge camp out and had the time of our lives. Many times we had the time of our lives, just being spontaneous. He was an amazing man, if he could bring the stars down from the sky one by one for me he would.
But with so much passion during the good times there was that same amount of passion during the bad times, rage. He had an anger problem. It did not help I was a depressed manic! I had lost my grandma, my world, and it brought me into the darkest depression anyone can endure. I almost did not make it out alive. I was hospitalized for three weeks under antidepressant medication. He was there for me in my hard times, but he could not understand my actions half the time. We would fight continuously, aggressively, screams and shouts, and often physical.
I graduated high school and decided to go to college locally, for both him and my mother. However, once there I needed freedom to live the college life, to be completely young and stupid, before I could be grown and mature in the real world. He wanted to give me enough space but he could feel me slipping away from him. He proposed that first year of college because he wanted me to be with him for the rest of his life. We thought we could make it Trough College. But we did not; I broke up with him at the end of my first year in college. I broke up with him because I needed to live life and see what was out there for me, before I could settle down.
The break up was horrible. It was physical. The cops got involved. We both threw objects and punches at each other. I broke his heart and he broke mine……and we went out separate ways.
I am now 23, five years have passed since our teenage romance, and he has entered my life once again. Facebook is the culprit (I swear even president Obama probably has a fb account lol.) I was surprised to hear from him, I felt I had broken his heart so gravely even if I were to see him again in my life; his words toward me would not be pretty ones.
I was speechless, excited, hopeful, frightened; every emotion was felt at least once. We spoke on the phone for about three hours, about where we are in life, our goals, our adventures, and of course our love.
He lives in North Carolina (after I broke his heart he had to move out of Florida!) I still live in Florida. I am still in school; he has finally started his own business. I am independent; he has taken proper steps to manage his anger issues. He is single, I am single. We decided to catch up because we each hold a special place in each others heart. But here I am today wondering, contemplating this quotes proposal. Is this man in my life for a second chance at our love? Is he my one true love?
I am due to go see him in North Carolina in about three weeks….but I do not know if it’s the right choice? To fly 800 miles to go see a man who I had such a dangerous relationship with, whose heart I broke into a thousand pieces. We say we have no expectations, but I know we both feel like maybe this is our second chance at great love and maybe this one time we will be together until we grow old. And what if I do fall in love with him yet again….have I experienced enough in my life to finally be with him. am I worthy enough of his love, Will we be abusive to each other again!?
I know I need not the what if’s, but This is a complicated decision for me. I try to talk to my best friends about it they are no help lol sam tells me go for it he is your lobster, but nat tells me I am making a mistake. I know I am suppose to follow my heart, but the heart knows no logic, and sometimes you need logic…..
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