lost my spouseHow often have you heard someone say I lost my spouse?  How did you feel when they said that?  Perhaps you are saying it yourself?   It is relatively easy to lose love.  Why?  Men and women are very different creatures and often they have problems communicating with each other.  Add to that the unrealistic expectations that Hollywood or TV productions nurture via their films and you can see why couples often split as soon as the going gets a little tough.

But the fact is that all relationships even the ones others consider to be successful will go through difficult patches. Ask any couple who have lasted the distance and they will tell you that it isn’t all moonlight and roses. You can be living with someone, married to them even and have kids together yet feel that you hate them with a passion you never knew you had.  You don’t really, well most people don’t!  Life has just got in the way and over time you two have forgotten that you need to nurture your love much as a plant needs watering to survive.

It is too easy to take someone else for granted and assume that they are happy with the way things are between you.  It is also easier to leave things be than to try and deal with any painful issues that may have developed between you. Sometimes there is an embarrassment factor as well. For example it is not uncommon for couples to start to experience sexual difficulties when they have been together for a while.  This could be something simple like one partner has a higher sex drive than the other or it could be a medical reason such as the menopause causing problems or the man having difficulties maintaining an erection.  Instead of dealing with these issues together, some couples let them come between then until such a time as the communication gap is so wide you believe you have lost love.

Other couples let their job, their kids or their friends take priority over their partners and this can cause anger and resentment. You should never let anyone not even your children come before your partner, at least not on a consistent basis.  Kids grow up and leave home, friends come and go but your partner is the one person you want to remain by your side forever. The key is to remind them of this fact on a regular basis.

The good news is that most relationship issues can be sorted out with a little bit of guidance. If you have already split up by the time you read this, don’t despair. It doesn’t mean you have to give up on your ex partner forever. You can get them back if you know the right way to achieve it.   So stop thinking I lost love and start thinking about all the ways and means at your disposal to rekindle love and passion.


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I think this fantasy may have started back when I was with my first real love and girlfriend. She ended up cheating on me after almost 2 years together, and I think thats when I started fantasizing about her with him. After I got over the anger and depression we resolved things and were together for another year. But all the while I couldnt stop thinking about her being with someone else, even when we made love, I got turned on like never before. I told her about it and she would try to play along in helping me fantasize but I think it made her uncomfortable. She ended up leaving me later on for another guy she had fallen in love with, behind my back.

SO I think thats when this started, I was emotionally scared, but for some sick reason I couldnt stop thinking about her being with another guy when I fantasized.

So since then, which was about 7 years ago, I’ve dated and have had a few more serious girlfriends in between. And with every girl I get serious with, I start fantasizing about it all over again, but with my current girlfriend. A couple of them I felt comfortable enough to tell them and one was again uncomfortable with it, and I think it put a damper on both relationships. Its not just that fantasy, but i’ve had other recurring fantasies, even some bicurious ones, and swinging. I know I’m not gay, and I dont believe that the bi-curiosity really has too much to do with this, if it does its just a tiny bit. But overall I think its the rush I get from the jealousy, and some sort of sick idea of how hot it would be to watch her with somine else while I was there holding her hand, but always in the end of the fantasy she would still go home with me, and still be in love with me. Maybe its like, I’m thinking I cant please her, and I her getting pleasure, so thats why I want this so bad. I dont know.

But with out trying to figure out why I keep having these fantasies, I want to know how I can stop having them. My last girlfriend, who I was totally in love with, we were having amazing sex and I wasnt thinking about this particular fantasy for the first month we dated (possibly because I had stopped masturbating until we started having sex). But then it crept back into my mind, and the sex although still good wasnt quite what it was in the beginning. And this really bothered me, because I kept growing closer and closer to her, and I thought she could have been the one, and here I was thinking about her having sex with other guys. It made me sick, despite the fact that it turned me on.

One part of me would like to think that somehow I could make a relationship like that work, where I let a girl be with someone else and I just watch, but I’ve read a lot of forums and have heard testimonials from people who have tried this, and the end result is usually a break up 8 times out of 10 it seems.

Needless to say, the last girl I fell in love with so deeply, left me for her ex boyfriend who she had been with for 5 yrs prior to me. So now once again, all I can think of now is her and this guy, every time I get off.

Yeah, I know this is all kind of messed up, usually after I’m done fantasizing and I can think clearly, it worries me as to why I like it soo much, and I wish I didnt.

The main reason I want it to go away, is because I dont want to find the girl of my dreams, and then mess it up because I either let her do this and it ruins everything we have, or I let it eat me up inside and it keeps me from fully enjoying the sex life that we have at that point.

When I think clearly, yeah, i’m like, why in the world would I want another dude getting with my gf??

So obviously, I’m probably not in the correct mental state where I could actually handle such a proposition becoming reality. Yet, almost every time I fantasize, it ALWAYS pops into my mind. Its my biggest turn on, and I dont like it , lol :P

So does anyone have any advice, aside from seeing a psychologist, because I cant really afford that. Also, I’m only 25 and I’m in good shape, I don’t have a super tiny package, and other than trying to find the right career I dont really have any major problems in life that I would think could really make me think I should like to feel sorry for myself, or would cause me to want to have this obsessive fantasy of having someone else have sex with the most important person in my life right in front of me.

Maybe I’m just crazy and therefore doomed.

Anyways, if anyone has and experience or advice on how to get rid of inappropriate sexual fantasies, no matter what they are… I AM ALL EARS! Thanks so much :)



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These are some of my favorite quotes,
maybe a little guideline for things that I’d like.

Leave any quotes that you think I may like.
Really, I’m open to anything. :)

-you can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks or even months over analyzing the situation, trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could’ve, should’ve, would’ve happened; OR you can leave the pieces on the floor and move on.

-In life and love, you learn that there comes a time to let go and move on.

-think how different it would be if you never met the one person who changed everything.

-sometimes you only forgive someone because you can’t stand not having them in your life.

-When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.

-The longer you put off making a decision, the harder it becomes to make.

-if you have something to say to a loved one, don’t wait until tomorrow. too late comes sooner than later.

-most people don’t aim to high and miss. they aim to low and hit.

-don’t make someone a priority if they only make you an option.

-if you don’t have a dream, how can you have a dream come true?

-don’t give up no matter how hopeless it seems. and when you’ve lost hope, ask yourself if you’re gonna wish you gave it one more shot. because the best things in life don’t come free.

-I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

-there are things you don’t want to happen but have to accept, things you don’t want to know but have to learn, and people you can’t live without but have to let go.

-As people grow up, they realize it becomes less important to have more friends, and more important to have real ones.

-To let go isn’t to forget, not to think about, or to ignore. It doesn’t leave feelings of anger, jealously, or regret. Letting go isn’t winning or losing. It’s not about pride, and it isn’t about not obsessing or dwelling on the past. It’s not giving in or giving up. Letting go isn’t about loss, and it’s not defeat. To let go is to cherish memories, but to overcome them and move on. Letting go is accepting. Letting go is having the courage to accept change and have the strength to keep moving. Letting go is growing up.

-missing someone gets easier everyday because even though you are one day further from the last time you saw them, you are one day closer to the next time you will.

-There’s nothing scarier than getting what you want, because that’s when you really have something to lose.

-Theres a little truth behind every just kidding, a little curiosity behind every just wondering, a little knowledge behind every I dont know, and a little emotion behind every I don’t care.

-If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep getting what you’ve always gotten.

-it’s hard to know you’ll never remember the things I’ll never forget.

-Smile big for everyone, even when you know what they’ve done.

-I’m not a perfect person. there’s many things I wish I didn’t do, But I continue learning;

-I look around at what everyone has And I forget about all I’ve got;

-I forgive, but I never forget.

-a day without smiling is a day wasted.

-Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.

-the only people you need in your life are the ones that prove they need you in theirs.

-Life’s not about the people who act true to your face. It’s about the people who remain true behind your back.

-live for the moments you can’t put into words.

-sometimes we expect more from others because we would be willing to do that much more for them.

-You better know that in the end, It’s better to say too much, than never to say what you need to say again

-i’m the kind of girl who doesn’t say much, but when i do, it means a lot;



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My boyfriend/fiance and I were together for over 7 years, mostly happy, and very much in love. We planned to marry when he finished college (which he ended up dropping out of once he broke off our relationship).

4 months ago, he broke up with me one night (out of the blue) crying his eyes out because while he still swore he loved me and wanted to marry me, he "needed to find himself." He said there was no other woman but did not want me to wait for him. When we talked a couple weeks later, he said this was the best thing for both of us because he felt like he lost himself in the relationship and now he is free to be himself.

That really hurt. I wasn’t the nagging type and didn’t keep him from doing things. I feel unfairly blamed! We barely spent time together anymore and I didn’t even call him that much.

But now I’m at a point where I feel embarassed! I feel embarrassed that I didn’t see it before. He must have stopped having feelings for me…or else he would not have seen me as pressure, a burden.

I am going through something with my best female friend—where I feel like she is not giving me enough space–and wonder if my fiance felt the same way about me! Yet…I did give him plenty of space. The truth must have just been that he didn’t want me in his life anymore.

Was I just his comfort zone? I feel so embarassed.
Just to clarify, I suffered the usual grief–denial, idealizing him, anger, sadness…now I’m just kind of "waking up" to the fact that he simply didn’t want me anymore…and feel dumb for not seeing it before.



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breaking up griefThere are five stages to address a relatively unbroken sadness, just like the five stages go through any emotional grief. Understanding where you are and knowing that you feel are all just part of the natural (though painful) process can help you through your tough time.

The first stage is denial. This is where you convince yourself (or convince yourself) that your driveway does not actually occur. This manifests the person you’re waiting for you to sit down for dinner, or pick you up at work. At this stage there is often shed tears, because the reality has not sunk in yet, or you do not accept or even admit their losses.

The next stage is anger. It can be directed to the world, God (“Why me?!), Your ex and yourself. This phase often do you want to get even your ex, or you act out on others who try to help you.

Then you need the negotiation stage. It may actually come before the share finally as well. Here is where you’re trying to get him back, begging for a person to return, or making deals. You could also have talks with God or a higher power level. . . “If you bring him back to me, I promise I’ll go to church every Sunday …” This step involves a lot of pleading, really desiring to go back to normal things.

The next step is dealing with grief, depression is relatively broken. At this stage you may feel very sad or completely overwhelmed with the hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, grief, and feeling sorry for yourself. All of us to recognize the emotions you are facing and they are in full force. You will see a different future than what you’re accustomed to and may feel numb and defenseless.

Finally, and fortunately, you hit the stage. Here is where you agree with these results and the mistakes you’ve made mistakes. Here is where you accept that man is out of their lives, or at least does not play the same role as they have, until recently. It is important to note that acceptance is not resignation. You do not opt out at that stage. On the contrary, it is only now that you can start to gradually build its own goals for the future and leave their past relationship.

Finally, get to the point that you can do what you have learned this hard period. There is also a good idea to help or have a good friend to confide in you on a regular basis. Remember that you are not alone and that you are in any way to survive, like thousands of others have when dealing with the sadness of broken relationships.


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