Christianity, depression, and shoplifting addiction…how to answer?!?

My Best Friend sent this to me and wanted answers…what’s the best way I can talk to her about this??? …Btw, she said she’s already emailed a minister, a Bible teacher, and a devout Christian a ways back with no reply…she is very discouraged and I’d like to help her back to her faith. Thanks.

When my oldest son was just a toddler my husband and I had our difficulties(this is our second try at marriage). He was very controlling and obsessed with video games(we found out last year, unofficially, that OCPD can account for most all the difficulties we’ve ever had). Jesus’ words in the Bible kept me in the marriage, specifically "Matthew 31 It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement:
32 But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery." I knew that if I divorced I would want to remarry someday so I stayed and tried every way possible for things to be different. Nothing worked, I couldn’t fix it no matter what I did. I fell into a deep depression because the situation was so difficult. …and I still stayed because I didn’t want to sin. Eventually there was no joy in my life. My children are my world and mean everything to me so I hope I can convey how serious things were for me that even my son didn’t give me joy at the time. That’s when I started shoplifting – it was my coping mechanism. The adrenaline rush I got from it was the only ‘joy’ I felt at the time so it quickly turned into an addiction. I sought help, counseling and and antidepressants…it was the absolute hardest thing that I’ve ever had to go through. I really believe if I would have stayed in that situation I would have ended up dead or in prison…my son did not need that. I left when I realized that and I’ve been happy and healthy ever since…and with a different outlook on life and Christianity. I think if I hadn’t have been so devout I wouldn’t have fallen so far away from a religion that I held so dear at one time.

BTW(some people just don’t get this so I have to reiterate)Shoplifting was not me. I am an honest person and I always will be. It was not about the items at all…most of the time they were just thrown away. It was honestly the only way I knew how to feel good when I felt so so bad all the time. So I hope you don’t feel any differently about me for that period in my life. I certainly don’t condone any activity like that. I feel very strongly about doing other people right and having respect for each other. If you don’t have that what do you have?? :)

My biggest question is that it’s pretty well accepted in the Christian faith that the Bible is God’s Word…but if that’s true wouldn’t there be a way where I could have got out of my situation without sinning. God is perfect so His Word should be perfect. Why did Jesus’ words leave me in a place of utter despair?!?

PLEASE give me some sort of answer…I just don’t know who to turn to! :(

Love Always,
*******


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I feel like I have fallen out of love with my husband…?

My hubs and I met in high school. We dated 6 years before getting married. We waited until after college. We’ve been married for 7 years and we have 2 children under the age of 3.

We’ve been happily married until our children came. I LOVE our babies more then anything. We were always the couple that were touching or kissing, holding hands….

After the birth of our first child I tried really hard to not put my hubs on the back burner, but after awhile I realized I was paying more attention to the baby then him. I tried to fix it and we were ok for a while. Then my hubs started working on a “hot rod” car that he bought to fix.

My son and I basically spent every weekend w/ my mom, even spending the nights b/c hubs was in the gararge from sun up to sun down. My hubs never gave me a break to sleep in. He did care for our son when I specifically asked him too.

Soon I went back to work full time not getting off until 6pm. It was usually 645pm before I got home with the baby while hubs had been home since 4pm. He didn’t help w/ the chores or doing dinner, always working on the car. We grew distant and I actually started taking antidepressants b/c I was so unhappy.

I tried a MILLION times to talk to him about how I felt, he said he was sorry and would help out for a few days… then back to the old ways. I started feeling better when he sold the car and came back to us. I got prego again and was put on bedrest w/ our daughter at 28 weeks. I quit work and stayed home all day w/ our toddler son (ON BEDREST). Again, not much help from hubs unless I specifically asked and had to ask a lot.

After our daughter was born he had 2 weeks off-spending most of the time on projects around the house and helping only when I asked.

He went back to work and worked 1 month straight with no days off (at a power plant) working 16 hour shifts. We never saw him. He came home to shower and sleep only. So I had to take care of a newborn and toddler by myself. I was resentful towards him for not helping out, when he could have asked off…. especially when he decided to go hunting out of state and asked off a day from work!!
Now our daughter is over a year old and I feel nothing for him. I’m angry a lot of the times for him not helping me out, for not giving me a break. I’ve stuffed my face w/ food and gained weight, I don’t care about myself at all. I have no self esteem b/c he’s also been hiding an addiction to porn all these years. I’ve caught him looking at it online so many times and he’s promised to stop, but always looks again soon. I feel like I’m a failure as a woman and don’t want him to even look at me.

Everything makes me mad at him and everything irritates me. We haven’t had sex in over 2 months and before that it was 1 month for sex.

Tell me what to do! How do I get those feelings back? I don’t want a divorce. I’m a Christian and have struggled with these feelings. I know I should love my hubs. He’s a great provider, he is great with the kids, he’s nice to me. I should be so thankfull.

I remember what it was like to love him. I just don’t know how I got off track. I’ve talked to him until I’m blue in the face, HUNDREDS of times. Things are good for a few days, then back to normal. I’m tired of living this way, tired of stuffing my face full of food (as my only comfort), tired of feeling inferior to those porn girls he looks at, tired of having no self esteem, tired of crying. I don’t want to leave him, I just want to feel better and love him again.
Checkita: My mom tells me the same thing. She says marriage is the hardest when the babies are small and things will get better when they are older. I just don’t know where I went wrong. I always thought we would have a great marriage, we used to talk about everything…..

Now I don’t say anything half of the time b/c I don’t want to be a “nag”. Thank you!
Miko: He’s always looked at porn, since high school. I just didn’t know until after we were married. I am not taking any anti-depressants-I stopped when I got prego w/ our daughter.


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How Do I Get My Ex-Boyfriend Back, Its My Fault?

My ex and I broke up 1 year ago because I thought he was getting too close and I didn’t see him like that. I mean he treated me like a princess and was thinking about getting married and but I broke up with him because I didn’t feel the same way. At first he wouldn’t let me go and cried a lot and begged for me to stay but I told him we’re through and stopped seeing him. He went into depression and had to take antidepressants.

In the mean time I started dating other guys and got into a few small relationships but I never really liked any of them too much. And recently I started thinking about my ex and how good he treated me. I also heard from his friends that he never dated or thought about any other girls. So I went to see him and he didn’t really show any emotions. I told him I still have feelings for him and asked him if he wanted to get back together. He said he’s done with girls and relationships and when I left him, he promised to himself he never love anyone again. He told me to leave and he never wants to see me again.

I’ve been crying all day, I know I’ll never find anyone who loved me as much as he did. I was stupid then but now I’m more mature I really love him and want to be with him! Did I just loose the love of my life? How do I get him back?


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