What mental disease do I have?

*loner

*i do the same thing everyday with a slight variation (these variations i purposefully do to throw "people" off who might be watching me)

*when standing at the bus stop, i tend to turn away when cars pass by, trying to avoid eye contact with drivers and passengers… i hate when the light turns red and the cars pile up near me by the curb… i scratch my eyes, try to look away naturally, look at my feet, do anything but look at all the drivers and passengers who I think are all looking at me until the light turns green and they go away

*(this one is odd) while on the bus or at school (the only time i’m out in the world), if some good-looking girl or a girl my age approaches me or is near my vicinity, seating behind me or across the room, i begin to flirt on my own (i hate when this happens because i look like a freak and i don’t even know the people, it even happens with my professors)

*i have a mild stuttering problem (probably the reason i try to avoid social situations)

*when i walk i don’t know what to do with my arms, i try to swing them like "normal" people but i know i look like a fake when doing it

*i’ve grown accustomed to wearing my backup when out in the world, when i take it off i feel naked and unnatural… i see my backpack as something that hides my hunched back, i think i have a hunched back (maybe only when around people) and as something that shows people i have purpose when walking to and from school

*when near people i cant help but imagine what everyone around is thinking, i play in my head all the possible social situations i might get into and how i might have to act… even when in the classroom i get into the habbit of doing some odd rituals to appear normal: i take out my cell phone and pretend im looking at text messages but the only numbers i have is to my home, mom’s, dad’s, and borther’s cell, i stretch, get up to go to the bathroom when i don’t need to… things like this

Some questions you might ask:

What do you do when you’re not out in the real world?
A: I stay in my room on the computer, reading news articles, forums. messing around in photoshop, playing with excel, astronomy software, downloading music (i like classical and ambient music), google earth, sketchup etc.. when not on the computer i have my celviano (i taught myself hot to play it but my fingering is horrible… something I’m gradually getting better at), there’s my superficial book collection, a mix of scifi books and books i needed to read for school (small collection), i have my treadmill in the garage i use a lot while listening to music, i play with my 2 dogs

Family life?
A: My family sees me as a quiet "individual". I’m 20 and still live with my parents. I just started learning how to drive, but what I hate thinking about it what will I do with my driving ability after I get my licence? go to school and back, small errands like going to the barber? My parents are odd. My dad is fat and my mom doesn’t do anything as far as hobbies (she is on antidepressants). I lover her but I also see her as a robot (dare I say slave?) but I hate thinking about that. It makes me sick. I try to be conservative at home in everything I do from taking showers, using paper plates, etc.. I don’t want to be a hassle. 3rd year of community college (I might have to stay a 4th year). Why am I taking so long to transfer? Because at first I did not have a major and took a bunch of classes I was not interested in (i failed in some from not wanting to go to class), but then I discovered I was good at math in my third retry or college algebra and now I’m taking Calculus 2 and doing well in my science classes (hopefully my GPA will rise from a 2.5 after finally waking up from my academic stupor) ex radicals use to confuse me and give me trouble, but now I know the derivative of coth-1(x), so i’ve made some progress

What are you not telling us?
A: Well… I don’t think I have a porn addiction, but I do sometimes look at porn and masturbate (who doesn’t?).. what else? I don’t know at this moment

more details about me:
Age: 20
Sex: male
Ethnicity: hispanic
Country: united states
Height: 5′ 11”

What do you see yourself as?
Well, I have read the symptoms of aspergers and know that 99% of people who read about the symptoms diagnose themselves with aspergers, so i know labeling myself that is non sense, but it does make a nice excuse for the way i am… there is also the russel crow movie "a beautiful mind"… i see myself as that but i am no genius

Please help!
I just wish I could be like other people in social situations, carefree and natural at what they do, being in a conversation without thinking and worrying about what to say. I feel like I have this open buzzing space in my head that unconsciously tries to play out everything, and if I were to extract it somehow I could act like everyone else I see and finally be normal.



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My ex broke up with me 2 months ago, but gives me MIXED SIGNALS?! What do I do? I NEED her back! PLEASE HELP!?

Run down is my ex left me two months ago, I mistreated her, we were together for a year, I’ve got excessive anger/depression. I didn’t know I was treating her as bad as I was. But I’m tryin to change that, she’s all that’s kept me alive for the past year, literally. This isn’t all that’s happened, A LOT has happened before this, but this is the most recent, at some point, she wanted a restraining order on me, that should tell you how much she was mad at me. I go to her school, to pick up my jacket her friend stole from me, since her friend had some sort of detention, I wasn’t able receive my jacket, so I hung out with some people who apparently "know me." One of em tried to steal some kids phone, I lifted em by his shirt, told em to give it back, my ex saw me, pushed me back, rested her head against mine, and asked what I was doing. I told her I’m gettin some kids phone back. She gave me a hug, and started to walk off, I got the kids phone back, and went to see how her and Logan are, she said he still isn’t talking to her. I asked if she wanted me to call, she said yeah, so I call. He says there’s nothing wrong, she thinks he’s mad at her, etc. And that he’s in Mississippi now, and pretty much he has to go. She eventually tells me that she thinks he’s coming to see her, but he always takls about how he’s coming down here to kill me, and run away, then says that he doesn’t even say he’s goin down here to see her. She says I’ve changed, and that she likes it. So we make small talk on the way to her house, I carry her backpack, etc. When we get near, she says she shouldn’t have made me walk all the way here, cause I’ll have to walk all the way back. I asked for a hug, she hugs me, and I told her it was worth walking. She says the least I could do is come inside and get a drink, so I do. When I get in, her dog pretty much jumps on me, cause he loves me, haha. She says he missed me, which I can see, seeing as he always would lay on me, and he’s a bigass dog lmao. She kisses me goodbye like 93848397 times. She said she’ll get my jacket back as well, and give it to me whenever she sees me again. Then I leave. She also contradicts herself later on that night, she says she’d never take me back and that she doesn’t feel the same, then she says that she likes how much of an effort I’ve put in to change, and it flatters her, but it doesn’t completely love her. I need help, what do I do in this situation? How do I get her back? If you have any sort of advise, please help. Sorry for the length of this post. Thanks in advance

I do not go to school, so don’t assume I do.


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My ex left me two months ago.. I NEED her back, please help!! I’ll do anything.?

Run down is my ex left me two months ago, I mistreated her, we were together for a year, I’ve got excessive anger/depression. I didn’t know I was treating her as bad as I was. But I’m tryin to change that, she’s all that’s kept me alive for the past year, literally. This isn’t all that’s happened, A LOT has happened before this, but this is the most recent, at some point, she wanted a restraining order on me, that should tell you how much she was mad at me. I go to her school, to pick up my jacket her friend stole from me, since her friend had some sort of detention, I wasn’t able receive my jacket, so I hung out with some people who apparently "know me." One of em tried to steal some kids phone, I lifted em by his shirt, told em to give it back, my ex saw me, pushed me back, rested her head against mine, and asked what I was doing. I told her I’m gettin some kids phone back. She gave me a hug, and started to walk off, I got the kids phone back, and went to see how her and Logan are, she said he still isn’t talking to her. I asked if she wanted me to call, she said yeah, so I call. He says there’s nothing wrong, she thinks he’s mad at her, etc. And that he’s in Mississippi now, and pretty much he has to go. She eventually tells me that she thinks he’s coming to see her, but he always takls about how he’s coming down here to kill me, and run away, then says that he doesn’t even say he’s goin down here to see her. She says I’ve changed, and that she likes it. So we make small talk on the way to her house, I carry her backpack, etc. When we get near, she says she shouldn’t have made me walk all the way here, cause I’ll have to walk all the way back. I asked for a hug, she hugs me, and I told her it was worth walking. She says the least I could do is come inside and get a drink, so I do. When I get in, her dog pretty much jumps on me, cause he loves me, haha. She says he missed me, which I can see, seeing as he always would lay on me, and he’s a bigass dog lmao. She kisses me goodbye like 93848397 times. She said she’ll get my jacket back as well, and give it to me whenever she sees me again. Then I leave. She also contradicts herself later on that night, she says she’d never take me back and that she doesn’t feel the same, then she says that she likes how much of an effort I’ve put in to change, and it flatters her, but it doesn’t completely love her. I need help, what do I do in this situation? How do I get her back? If you have any sort of advise, please help. Sorry for the length of this post. Thanks in advance
Those ignorant ones out there, I’m not in school. So don’t assume.


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2 dreams I had this week involving: magic powers, toilet, travel, shower, stripper pole, arousal, shame, etc..

1. I had the magical ability to go anywhere in the world by flushing myself down a toilet & traveling through the plumbing system at light speed. I just had to concentrate on the address & repeat it along with the word "travel" over & over whilst standing in front of any toilet, & soon enough I was able to just dive in like you would off of a diving board & go right down the drain. (cont…)

2. I’m in the shower, & there’s a 15ft stripper pole going from floor to ceiling right in the middle of it. The soap is on a shelf 12ft up so I have to climb to reach it. It’s wet, slippery & very difficult, so I keep shimmying up and sliding down. Making no progress, but I start to get sexually aroused b/c I’ve got my legs wrapped around it, and you know…I won’t be graphic but it gets a bit erotic/noisy & then suddenly there’s someone looking through the glass shower door at me going "wtf are you doing?" and I’m mortified. Felt like a kid caught at something naughty by a parent. (cont…)
(both continued…)

1. Early on things went smooth & I was alone, but the second part of the dream was different. I found myself in a public bathroom w/ 2 other women who had the same power as me, & we were in a frantic rush to get into the toilets & go somewhere, as if we were being chased by something & needed to escape. I had problems trying to stuff my backpack down the drain ahead of me (which I hadn’t done before), & I couldn’t concentrate enough so the "spell" wasn’t working & I felt afraid. I do remember repeating the address though, and it was full of sixes. The #6 was very distinct in my mind.

2. The person was unknown to me but I got the feeling she had been woken by my ruckus & was annoyed. It’s not important who it was – roommate, houseguest, etc. Point is the shock it gave me & the shame/embarrassment it made me feel afterwards were quite palpable.

That’s all I remember, but I feel like the two dreams are connected b/c of the common bathroom setting maybe. Any ideas?


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