Though i bet most of you have already seen this, i wish to post it anyway for lawls, tell me what you think

* POWER METAL
The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest.

* THRASH METAL
The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and fucks her.

* HEAVY METAL
The protagonist arrives on a Harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few
beers and fucks the princess.

* FOLK METAL
The protagonist arrives with some friends playing acordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls asleep (because of all the dancing). Then they all leave…….. without the princess.

* VIKING METAL
The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her belongings and burns the castle before leaving.

* DEATH METAL
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the princess and kills her, then leaves.

* BLACK METAL
The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in front of the castle. Then he sodomizes the princess, drinks her blood in a ritual before killing her. Then he impales the princess next to the dragon.

* GORE METAL
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in front of the castle, fucks the princess and kills her. Then he fucks the dead body again, slashes her belly and eats her guts. Then he fucks the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and fucks it for the last time.

* GRIND METAL
The protagonist arrives, screams something completely undecipherable for about 2 minutes and then leaves…

* DOOM METAL
The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks he could never beat him, then he gets depressed and commits suicide. The dragon eats his body and the princess as dessert. Thats the end of the sad story.

* GOTHIC METAL
The princess in a velvet costume starts singing soprano. The protagonist completes the duet by adding the beast part, while the dragon plays the flute. Suddenly he swallows up the pipe and accidently scorches the beauty and the beast and suffocates to death. All their souls are damned in hell’s eternity.

* PROGRESSIVE METAL
The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. The dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives to the princess’ bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and tunes he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess escapes looking for the HEAVY METAL protagonist.

* INDUSTRIAL METAL
The protagonist arrives wearing greasy overcoat, makes obscene gestures towards dragon, and gets escorted out of fairy tale land by security guards.

* SPEED METAL
Suddenly there, short solo, dragon is confused, someone’s screaming weird stuff, princess realizes she’s been deflowered, dragon and princess are still looking for the one who did this.

* CHRISTIAN METAL
The protagonist rides in on his way home from church and sings a mushy power ballad to the dragon about how much Jesus loves him and that the dragon should turn to Him. The Dragon is immediately converted, and when the princess wants to thank the protagonist he replies, "Sorry, but I don’t believe in having sex before marriage."

* GLAM METAL
The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy’s appearance and lets him enter. He steals the princess’ make up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink colour.

* BATTLE METAL
The protagonist arrives with a legion of a hundred brave footmen, war chariots and a dozen elite warriors and, as a master tactician, flanks the dragon in a bloody siege that lasts six hours. The princess gets bored.

* NU METAL
The protagonist arrives in a run down Honda Civic and attempts to fight the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic baggy clothes catch fire.

* EMO
The protagonist sees the dragon and moans about how hard it will be to get the princess to fall in love with him. He gets eaten. The princess is very happy, because he was a whiny dork anyway.

* GRUNGE
The protagonist doesn’t get eaten by the dragon because he stinks too much from not washing his hair in months. The princess won’t go near him either, and he ends up dying on the town hall steps with the other grungers due to the over consumption of white cider.

* POP-PUNK
The dragon can’t eat the protagonist because he can’t catch him because he keeps bouncing up and down. The princess won’t fuck him either, because he likes ska.
Avucular, what does that have to do with anything, and yes this has been around a while so you may have seen it already

Technorati Tags: axe, beers, belongings, Bet, black metal, Burns, carcass, death metal, doom metal, dragon, drinks, enchanted forest, escapes, gothic metal, guts, Harley, heavy metal, princess, protagonist, rapes, sad story, singing soprano, Skins, slashes, third time, Unicorn, violins, weird instruments

We were living together while I broke up with him, and before he moved out he broke many of my belongings. All in all, the damages come to at least a couple hundred dollars. What can I do in this situation to make him pay me back for what he destroyed?

Technorati Tags: belongings, couple hundred, damages, ex boyfriend

How do I cope with a break up?

I am 36 and my girlfriend just left and started dating her ex boyfriend with no warning. She was 22 and said that she needed to experience life we were together for 3 years and I gave her everything and more. She kissed me one afternoon and I never saw her at my home again till she picked up some belongings. I have never hurt like this before she is never coming back is there an answer is their help

Technorati Tags: 3 years, belongings, break up, girlfriend

My ex and i broke up in November, thing is she has some small items of mine that i want back, but i cant ring the house phone or go to the house cos her dad threatened me with the police last week, im kind of scared, what can i do?

Technorati Tags: belongings, dad

I am breaking up with my ex-boyfriend because now i know for sure he is cheating on me. The thing is we were planning on moving in together and I had bought some items which he has stored in his father’s apartment. I have receipts for all the items I purchased. How can I get these things back from him before he destroys them.

Technorati Tags: apartment, belongings, ex boyfriend, receipts

Ok..so my sister is getting bullied by these girls at her middle school….they are just so incredibly mean to her. My sister is the sweetest person in the world and it breaks my heart when she comes home and wants to cry everyday because of them. They try to damage her belongings and even mess up her class work that is hung up in the halls. I really want a way to get back at them and show them how it feels to be bullied.

Technorati Tags: belongings, Bully, Getting Out Of Hand, girls, heart, these girls

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight,put on some soft background music and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar and a bottle of Chardonnay.
When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods.
She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.
Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.
Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steamed.
Air Fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters,during which they had to move out for a few days,and in the end even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.
Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit.
Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit.
Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.
A month later, even though they had cut their price in half,they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.
Word got out and eventually even the local Realtors refused to return their calls.
Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.
The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house.
She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly,and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.
Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad t he smell was,he agreed on a Price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth,but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.
She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.
A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home….
including the curtain rods.
I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON’T YOU?????
Nope! It’s a ’shrimp’y deal!!!

Technorati Tags: air fresheners, background music, belongings, candlelight, carpeting, caviar, chardonnay, curtain rods, dead rodents, dining room table, divorce settlement, first few days, gas canisters, local realtors, new girlfriend, soft background, stench, suitcases, sum of money, third day