Here we go… the basics about me: I’m 22, My parents were divorced when I was 10 (my moms fault, my dad wasn’t enough for her, she wanted more excitement in her life) and my mom married a white trash, violent abusive drug addict. I lived with them for 4 years where I watched him physically abuse my mom, verbally and emotionally abuse her and listened to him rape her. (IE, listen to her screaming no and crying and him telling her that she had no choice.) I was afraid to leave her and my new little brothers (they sometimes disappeared for a couple days at a time and I was worried about my family.) I’ve been diagnosed bipolar (unmedicated now because the meds just made it worse), anxiety issues, have had suicidal issues and extremely low self esteem.

Let me say up front that I KNOW that none of that excuses what I have done and the pain that I’m about to cause others. I just wanted to give some background… I’m not looking to excuse myself, I just want the full picture here. So, please if you feel the need get it out of the way to tell me what you think of me, I’m completely positive you couldn’t think worse of me than I think of myself.

I liked a guy at work and when I found out he was married I was disappointed, as I thought he was attractive and funny. He is older, he is 41. I started hanging out with him and a few of his friends (we work night shift and we would go out of a few beers in the morning) and eventually it led to him and I getting together. That was 8 months ago and since then we have spent some of nearly every day together and I love him. And he loves me. I never meant to end up in a situation like this, and I admit I didn’t truly understand the extent of what I was doing.

He says he never thought he would feel like this again, and that even if he wanted to he doesn’t think it would be possible for him to stop seeing me. He has 2 grown kids, 20 and 18. I have no idea how he spends so much time with me and to be honest I never wanted to know.

He is starting to talk now about how somebody is going to get hurt no matter what, that either I will get hurt or (he trails off here, he has never once mentioned his wife) and that no matter what he is going to end up hurt. I started to realize, however, the true extent of what would happen. If he leaves her… He already has kids and doesn’t want more, someday I will. Even if he truly left her I’m not ready to commit forever and I’d feel like I had to because he gave up everything for me.

This is going to sound stupid but he is very controlling and possessive, which I don’t mind when we are together but I don’t want to spend my entire life being told what I can and can’t do, and I want to travel and do what I feel like doing. … I’m not ready to settle down. This should make it seem like the easiest situation possible to work out but I love him. I feel sick at the thought of never seeing him again, when he holds me I feel like I’ve never felt before.

I know people will say he is a daddy figure – but I’m not actually lacking that because I have a very good relationship with my father (who I moved in with when my house with my mom got to much). I have never been able to spend more than a day or two with someone without getting irritated with him and I have spent a weekend with him and I wanted more. I don’t want to be selfish but I can’t stop because I want him, I want to spend my life with him…

Without him… I have moved on so much in my life since he has been helping me, I’ve been terrified to enter the world because I was so afraid that people everywhere would hurt me. He helped me get my place, helps me stand up for myself. He has helped me to get the promotion at work that I was scared to do. I think of life without him and I start to have suicidal thoughts.

I hate myself for what I’m doing, for the people I’m hurting and for not being able to end it. I hate to think of my life without him. I realize the mess I’ve made of everything, and I can’t stop thinking the only thing to do is end it with him so he can salvage his family and kill myself to stop everything from hurting.

Technorati Tags: anxiety, beers, bipolar, couple days, dad, drug addict, excitement, extent, low self esteem, meds, mom, night shift, parents, Rape, Sordid Affair, trash, white trash

My exwife has bipolar and borderline personality disorder, all I want is her to take me back so I can go home. Part two of this is her Father hates my guts. I really would like a way so that my ex would come live with me.

Technorati Tags: bipolar, Borderline Disorder, borderline personality disorder, Ex Wife, exwife, guts

My fiance and I got into an arguement and he kicked me out. Does anyone have anytips on how to make him come back. I’m losing my mind..
Well we got into a fight about him going out to drink with his boss and i had dinner ready so that when he got home we could eat. So i got pissy and told him do whatever he wants. So he comes home all pissed off and kicks me out. He’s bipolar too and he says he loves me but he is in a depression and i dont know what to do

Technorati Tags: arguement, bipolar, boss, depression, fiance, losing my mind, pissed

im n a relation ship but i dont really like the person im dating as more than just a friend. i have went out with the guy i love 2 times already. the first time we broke up is cuz he heard that i had cheated on him, but he didnt believe that i didnt till he was already goin out with sombody else. then the second time we broke up… i broke up with him cuz i was grounded for about a month and couldnt see him, and while i was grounded he spent all of his time with one of my best friends and when i would talk to her at school she would always tell me how much fun they were having. so i got the idea that he was cheating on me with her but he wasnt, it was just jelousy. he is bipolar and will start yelling at any moment, my parents dont like him cuz of bad first impressions and want even give him a chance now, and now he lives in a different town . but i love him to death and i would do ne thing for him and ne thing to be with him and now he wants me back.. should i get back with him or not

Technorati Tags: bipolar, Dating, different town, first impressions, love, one of my best friends, parents, relation ship, second time

i am extremely bipolar and I’ve been dating the boy of my dreams for about 5 months. i was mad at him and i dumped him because of a stupid fight. so i asked him back out and he said no. but i know i still have a really good chance in getting him back. I’m going to his house tonight for a plan me and my friend plotted. Don’t worry, it Isn’t bad, but what do i say to him to show him i love him so much and want to spend the rest of my life with him.

Technorati Tags: 5 months, bipolar, boy of my dreams, dreams, good chance, love, rest of my life, stupid fight

He wanted me to stop using credit cards and start paying them off. I stopped using them and have paid off some of them already. He wanted me to get my caps replaced and we agreed that I could save the money since I didn’t have dental insurance and didn’t want another monthly bill. I have saved money and am almost there. I have a 21 year old bipolar son. He has never gotten along with him and they have gotten into fights. He wanted me to get him on his feet. I told him that I would need time to do this because I would have to get my finances in control to be able to help my son out. The counselor told him that with the way my son is he would need financial help from me. My husband agreed. The counselor asked him how long I could have and he said 1 year. The counselor asked him what if it takes 2 years and he said that is okay I love her that much. The counselor said what if it never happens and he said that is okay I love her that much. He wants my son to get a drivers license. I have started letting him drive my car and will be getting him driving lessons. I wanted him to express his feelings to me more often. He is the kind of man that is always there for everyone else but he shuts me out. He came to me a month ago and said that he can’t live with my son and it was either him or my son. (We have 2 small children together.) I got rattled and thought here we go again he is going to leave. So I filed for a divorce to start financial protection for myself and our children. He changed his tune and I haven’t gone ahead with the divorce. Last night he comes to me and says that we are not compatible, we don’t have a marriage, we don’t know how to communicate to each other and nothing has changed. I’ve worked on everything that he wanted done and I still come last to him. I’m so lost. It sounds like he is asking for a divorce but when I come straight out and ask him he says how can I just walk away? Any insight?
I should add that my son does pay rent, has a job, buys his own medicine, pays for his nurses and doctors appointments. And he has psychofrenia affective disorder but I didn’t know how to spell it so I just put bipolar.

Technorati Tags: asking for a divorce, bipolar, caps, counseling, counselor, Credit Cards, dental insurance, driving lessons, feelings, financial help, insight, insurance, job, kind of man, marriage, money, Money 97, using credit cards, Work Wanted

My husband’s family believes he was fine until he met me, and I am starting to believe it as well and I cannot live with myself if I did. It wasn’t until a friend of his got involved that his family began to doubt me and now they have convinced him he doesn’t want anything to do with me. The only people he has left in his immediate family are his brothers and uncle neither live here. I am in nursing school and understand the disease process but did not know he was bipolar until a recent diagnosis so we argued.Now I know what he has and he is very delusional and has been ordered to commitment up to ninety days. Everyone is against me, his doctors never talked to me, I had medical power of attorney and he revoked it verbally while in the hospital. Theses doctors didn’t put him on Lithium until last week almost a month after I had pleaded with them to do so. They had him taking 800mg of seroquel once a day and cymbalta and ambien.I did some research and when his brother talked to the doctor they realized their mistake and changed his meds and the dosage from 800 to 300.Then they finally listened to me about putting him on Lithium. Of course his friends have convince him the problem is not that he has bipolar but our marriage. Yes, we have had our share of problems but looking back on things maybe it was because I was disagreeing with him during a manic phase where I know I cannot win that argument. Or before I knew he was bipolar maybe it was because I saw him spending everything he had on drums, ebay etc. What I want to know is from someone who has gone through this what can I do other than hire an attorney and fight like hell for him or leave. I want to save this and will take on the daily tasks of caring for him but I feel it is too late because he will not talk to me and his family blames me. I tried to get guardianship over him but after his "friend" got involved they sent emails to my attorney saying I was out to get him. I guess the errot with the meds, paying all of his bills, and not running away don’t count for anything. They actually think it is stress and the sad part is, since he is taking his meds in the hospital, and staying away from me, the medication is beginning to work…and they attribute his recovery with me not being there…What do I do? Thank you

Technorati Tags: ambien, bipolar, cymbalta, diagnosis, doctors, drums, ebay, hell, immediate family, lithium, manic phase, marriage, medical power of attorney, meds, mistake, ninety days, nursing school, power of attorney, seroquel, theses