hey, i’m 19. me and my ex-lover who is also 19, had an honest, solid relationship. we were really close. i became unhappy in our relationship because i realized how much more mature i was than he is. i love this guy but he is so immature. i wanted to find someone who was more like me, who wanted to travel, was more mature and spiritual, looked different, etc. i started getting close to another guy, and i wanted to try having a relationship with him because i wanted to explore. my ex was my first love and i wanted to try things with this new guy. i explained everything to my boyfriend. he did NOT like this, and it hurt him. i hurt him a lot. we were so close. i wanted too much, tried to perfect my love life but it backfired and now i miss my ex so much and it made me realize how important he seriously was to me. he made me happy and i got bored and distracted by this new potential love-interest dude who turned out to be so much less than i had imagined and i lost touch with the fact that my relationship with my ex was soo great and vital to my life.
we broke up about a week and a half ago. after we broke up, me and "the new boy" hooked up. during the "hook-up", all i could think about was my ex and how much of a mistake i was making for us. it wasn’t until then that i realized all this. all i was trying to do was get an ego-boost from another dude. all i really wanted was to express myself and have other people to recognize me for being beautiful and smart and whatever else i wanted. i wanted someone to be into me and make me feel important and amazing. but it was stupid and dillusional, what i did. all i was doing was not appreciating my boyfriend and thinking all about me.
so anyway. what should i do????? or not do??? to make him want me back. because i know he still loves me, this guy was totally in love with me. and i hurt him a lot. i know he HATES cheaters. but i know that i was honest with him about this and didn’t cheat. and he admires that but i know what i did hurt. but what can i do to make him want me back regardless of that mistake i made and how do i approach him about it without seeming like i have no pride
please help thankyou for readinggg
Here are som good tips on how to save a marriage after cheating.
If you’ve ever been in a relationship where you or your partner cheated, you may wonder how you can ever move on. The question is for cheaters how can I save our relationship? There are many things you can do to move your relationship forward after one person has been unfaithful, but you have to keep in mind that sometimes a relationship simply cannot be saved.
If both parties want to try to save the relationship and move on after an affair it will take a lot of time and maturity. It’s really tough to trust again after someone has taken your trust and thrown it away. Some people will not be able to get over it and it will not only end their existing relationship but that lack of trust can follow them to relationship after relationship for the rest of their lives.
Because the hurt you can cause another person could literally scar them for life it’s really important that you really think it through before you decide to cheat. After all, is a little fun on the side, or a quick ego boost really worth the pain you’ll be causing another human being? If you are so insecure that you think it’s worth it just so you can feel better about yourself and more desirable you should probably not be in any relationship and spend some time in a therapists office.
One of the biggest things you will need to do to move your relationship forward after an affair is to have both parties be brutally honest about the initial breakdown of the relationship and their part in it. Blame for ruining a relationship is always shared by both parties, not always equally, but there are reasons the relationship fell apart to the point that someone thought they needed to have their needs satisfied by someone else.
Once you can honestly admit what went wrong you can solve the problem if you and your partner can communicate effectively. This means you have to avoid name calling, finger pointing, and accusations. If you can communicate in an adult fashion about the problems in your relationship and what you can do to fix them you might be able to salvage your relationship.
The bottom line is that not all relationships should be saved. If you are involved with someone who has a long history of cheating you should just move on. They are obviously too concerned with their own selfish wants and needs, and they will never change. If, on the other hand, someone just gave into a moment of weakness you might be able to work together to save your relationship. So ask yourself: cheaters, how can I save our relationship?
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K brief story. I’ve been married many times (1 alcoholic, 2 cheaters). I was only really in love with my last husband who cheated on me many times. He made our lives a nightmare, the kids couldn’t make a sound while he was home, we had to live by his rules and there was no room for error. But I hung in there until he left. I even asked him to come home, how humiliating. Well I finally moved on with my life but a part of me died. The ability to truly be in love is gone and I don’t want it back. I miss it and am very sad about not having that being a part of my life ever again. But I never want to be hurt that bad again so I will not allow myself to fall in love again, ever. Now having said that, I remarried a wonderful man. But I am not in love with him, and it is getting harder to pretend that I do. I refuse to divorce. So any suggestions are welcome.
I think I did not explain enough. My husband knows how I feel, and I treat him like a king. I do care for him and take very good care of him. We are like a couple who has been married for 20 yrs. I was talking about the "your heart skips a beat every time you see them kind of love" I miss that. But then I am afraid to surrender to it also. And to inform the negative people that chimed in, first I am not a golddigger. I have always worked and never taken a dime from any of my husbands. Next, it is not my fault that my husbands cheated. How can you blame someone for somebody cheating on them? Now I knew that my first husband drank but I had no idea how much until after we were married. My second husband is weak, he will do anything anyone tells him to especially women, so when they began their "relations" it was because they pursued him and he just went along with it. My third husband, I knew was a cheater but I thought he was a christian and had changed.
I do not jump into marriage lightly. I dated each one of my husbands at least 2 yrs before marriage. I did not live with my husbands before marriage so I could not be aware of their "habits" until we started living together. Now my 3rd husband had everyone fooled, coworkers, church friends, etc. Then one day he just never came home, did a 180 degree turn on everyone. We were all in shock. I was married almost 10 yrs (each) to my 2nd & 3rd husbands. My first was less than 3 because I gave him a choice me or the booze, he choose the booze. And to answer why I got married again is simple, my husband while not perfect, is the kindest, most loving person I’ve ever met. If I let him get away I would never find anyone else like him. I am very blessed to have him as my husband.
I cheated on my ex for reasons I cant really explain. Every time i tell the story why I cheated I think im trying to convince myself. Although I was a little younger then and naive and liked to play games. Well in any event I did love him and I still do love him and miss him sooo much. He is very stubborn and he like hates me but I want him to realized that i know what I did was wrong I do love HIM despite what ppl would say "if you really loved him you would not have cheated" that is total b.s and only a person who never cheated would actually believe that. So how can i get him to at least acknowledge my presence…Or should I just be direct and apologize and say i would like to at least be his friend because I miss his companionship (it is the honest to god truth)
O did i mention that I know he cheated on me before. When we first go together we were cheating on other spouses…so we knew we were both capable of cheating. His problem was that I cheated well went on a date with a friend of his but I didn’t sexually cheat im no whore. I think he was ready to settle down with me and I was still being immature
im sorry but your that comment was not neccessary nor wanted….just because your a little bitter bitch who obviously has no luck with the opposite sex….to be well informed before you comment because although ignorance is bliss for some it just makes me laugh in the inside….I nver stated that I had sex with anyone. cheating does not have a definite definition. Secondly GOD does not judge nor criticize one so you will burn in hell just for that comment….GOD HATES CHEATERS?? Really since when does god hate anyone you embisile. and dont say your source was god because you never talked to him before
