(We started going out on April 15th, 2007)
Matt & I went out for 1 year 4 months & 14 days and we were perfect together. We loved each other more than anyone else could possibly imagine. Everyone said we were just so perfect and we were such a cute and perfect couple. For my Christmas and 1 year anniversary present Matt got me a promise ring, and promised to be with me forever. He had everything planned out and he even had when he was going to propose/be engaged to me planned. I was going to invite him to go to prom with me this year (2008-2009), but now that we’re not together I don’t know if that’ll still happen. Everything was perfect & I was so excited because I wouldn’t have to go through the pain of a heartbreak and finding someone to to spend the rest of my life with since I was with Matt. Matt was my first boyfriend, my first love, my first kiss, my first makeout, the first guy I really hungout with, the first guy I actually believed was different, the first guy I held hands with, he was just my first for everything.
Well as we all know that didn’t happen…everything changed. Matt & I broke up and yes my heart did get broken, and it still is. But…We’re still going to stay friends and still talk as friends, just not about the break up. I honestly wanted to try to make it work, I didn’t want to give up and I was hoping he wouldn’t give up either, but he did. Matt told me not to blame myself for the break up that it was all him, but I just don’t see how I couldn’t have any part in that…So I started thinking…if I would have just said yes to one thing I told him no to, maybe it would’ve worked out, maybe we would still be together. Such as dancing…I hated dancing, and I figured out why…because I never had a real boyfriend to dance with and I’d never danced before…but since I started going out with Matt he got me to start dancing, and I like it now, but it was only because it was with him, and I was in his arms. I just really wish that I could go back to every single thing I said no to, and change it to a yes. Since Matt was my first for/with so many things it’s harder for me to let go of him. I wasn’t Matt’s first for a lot of these things so it’s not as hard for him as it is me. We’ve cleared everything up about the break up and now it’s just a matter of time before the heartbreak will get over. I’m glad Matt is actually happy now and all I want is just for him to be happy!! Even though we’re not going out I am glad we’re staying friends, because I don’t want to loose him completely!! Yes talking to him is hard now because I can’t call him on the phone and talk to him like I use to. I also…can’t call him "sweetheart" anymore, I can’t say "I love you" anymore, I can’t say "I miss you", I can’t kiss his soft lips, I can’t just stay in his arms during a hug anymore, I can’t hangout with him like I use to, I can’t hold his hands anymore, I can’t call/txt him to say good morning or good night anymore, and nothing is going to be the same. So it’s going to be hard.
I’ve prayed to god every single night asking for just one more chance with Matt, and to have god just put it in his head, or dream of what use to be. But as of now, my prayers haven’t been granted…sadly to say. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to be hurt like I am, but I don’t want to forget/get over Matt either. I know deep down inside he still loves me because he’s told me so, but I don’t know anymore.
There’s just something about him that made me be myself. He brought me out of my shell, and I was so happy of the person I became, but now that I’m not with him anymore I can tell that I’m slowly drifting back to my old self. I was even going to ask him to prom, and everyone knows I hate to dance, but Matt made me like dancing, being with him and sharing that special moment with him. I just don’t know what it is about him, but I loved him and I loved who he made me become!!!!
(We’ve been broken up since August 29th, 2008)
On Tuesday, September 9th, 2008 i sent him a picture message, and his had a pic of me and the song what hurts the most attached to it. and then it said stuff like please don’t forget about me even if it is just as a friend and that kind of stuff. and he sent one back saying…
"Theres my pretty girl. Ill never forget u Krystal dont worry"
I get to see him next weekend at a small festive that our town does, and he said that I can still go up and give him a hug and talk to him like we have done since we were 8 years old (before we started going out) But he wanted to know what booth I was working and what times. So I told him and then asked him if he was wanting to know so he could stay as far away as possible, and his response was…"Na juss wonderin"
I’m sooo confused I don’t know what he’s going to do this next weekend, and when he broke up with me it took him like 10 minutes to say that he wanted to break up, and his eyes were all puffy and he was shaking. Also after he
Before he even could say that he wanted to break up, all he could keep saying is "YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU AND ALWAYS WILL LOVE YOU" and since that is all he could keep saying to me, it took him like 10 minutes to say he wanted to break up. Also after he broke up with me he started crying, and when I talked to him that night on the phone he said he cried the 20 minute drive to town and then 2-3 hours in his uncles arms. And when I talked to him on the phone 4 days after the break up he kept calling me his girl and saying I still love you, and I always will no matter what!!!!
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