Destination wedding, everything paid in full, guests have bought airline tix. He says he shouldn’t repay. Any comments?
My parents, who are retired, have paid for everything except the rehearsal dinner. Our guests have bought their own airline tickets, which I’m sure are non-refundable. I don’t care about keeping the ring. He called it off due to cold feet. He says he still loves me and wants to just postpone the wedding. I’m 47 years old and no fool, but I do love him.
My ex and I were together for 18 months. We got engaged and I got cold feet. I withdrew from the realtionship. For the last two months I was very cold and I have to admit that I treated him poorly. I still wanted to be with him him. I just needed some time to adjust. The relationship went sour and he was hurt very badly. We broke up. Now I want him back. I have told him how I feel, that I was wrong and I love him. He tells me everyday that he loves me, but that he doesn’t know what he wants.
First, How do I get him Back?
Second, if you were him would you take me back?
I met my wife when I was 26, we fell in love so hard and fast. We got married exactly a year later. Before her, I was having way too much fun with more than one. I loved her, so I made a commitment and asked her to be my wife. A month before the wedding I kept thinking about how this was it, no one else.. I was getting cold feet. I married her though, and married life scared me. I was childish and immature. I told her it was a mistake and I had growing up to do. After being married for five months, I ran away and I never looked back. I cut all contact from her and I told her I didn’t want to hear from her. I moved back to Australia from Canada.
Four years later, she still remains the love of my life. I’m ashamed of not being able to be the man she saw the potential of emerging within me. Since she realized I couldn’t be a husband, she thought I couldn’t be a father. I never knew I have a three year old daughter until eight months ago.
I’m back here in Canada, and I am being a father to my daughter. I know my wife still loves me. I have grown and I am the man I couldn’t be back then. She has had a serious relationship with her boyfriend for a little over a year. I know for a fact she still loves me but she doesn’t want her heart broken by me again.
I made a big mistake four years ago. I realize she wasn’t going to wait for me. Is there any hope? She is my wife for God’s sake. I wasn’t a husband to her before… but now I am ready.
What do I do? How is my wife feeling over this? Last we spoke, I put her in tears because I told her she is my wife and I love her with all my heart, but she said she needs a man who won’t desert her.
A week ago my wife says she didn’t love me the way I deserve. She ways I’m a great guy, I treat her better than anyone has ever treated her, I’m her best friend, she loves being around me, and that I make her happy. She says that there’s just some emotional spark missing. She tells me she has felt that way since a few days after I had proposed to her. We are almost now almost two years married.
She has come from a broken home, has an alcoholic father, has a sister that has never been married to a man she loves, and most of the people in her family are in loveless relationships. Yet, she says her upbringing has nothing to do with anything.
She gave me the it’s not you it’s me speech. We have started counseling but I’m nearly convinced she’s not trying. I asked her if there is someone else and she says there isn’t. I’m inclined to believe her because there isn’t any time for that. Nor is there for me either. We wake up together, go to work and, until very recently, met each other at the gym before heading home.
I asked her if she really wasn’t in love with me then why did she marry me. She said she thought it was cold feet at first, then she realized she wasn’t in love with me but then didn’t want to hurt me. She said she saw her father hurt her mother over and over again and she didn’t want to become her father.
Also during our first year of marriage my father fought a battle with cancer and died. The whole time my wife was there by my side. She was there the day my brother was shipped to Iraq. She tells me that’s what she’s "supposed" to do if you’re someone’s wife. To which I say, "If you didn’t love me and didn’t want to be there, you wouldn’t have been there." If she was so not in love with me as she says she is, we wouldn’t be here now.
I don’t think I smother her. I tell her she’s beautiful every day, she hangs out with her friend and I hang out with mine. More often than not we hang out with them together. We do a lot together. We travel, hike, work out. We do things that couples do.
I don’t understand how she says for all this time that she didn’t love me. Why put yourself through that? Why torture yourself that way? Though she said it was never torture because she loves being around me. It’s like she’s sending mixed signals. If you don’t love me, then why are you there. Why did you go through all of hurt, pain, joys, and laughter if you weren’t in love? Can someone, anyone, please explain this to me and tell me what to do?
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