My boyfriend/fiance and I were together for over 7 years, mostly happy, and very much in love. We planned to marry when he finished college (which he ended up dropping out of once he broke off our relationship).
4 months ago, he broke up with me one night (out of the blue) crying his eyes out because while he still swore he loved me and wanted to marry me, he "needed to find himself." He said there was no other woman but did not want me to wait for him. When we talked a couple weeks later, he said this was the best thing for both of us because he felt like he lost himself in the relationship and now he is free to be himself.
That really hurt. I wasn’t the nagging type and didn’t keep him from doing things. I feel unfairly blamed! We barely spent time together anymore and I didn’t even call him that much.
But now I’m at a point where I feel embarassed! I feel embarrassed that I didn’t see it before. He must have stopped having feelings for me…or else he would not have seen me as pressure, a burden.
I am going through something with my best female friend—where I feel like she is not giving me enough space–and wonder if my fiance felt the same way about me! Yet…I did give him plenty of space. The truth must have just been that he didn’t want me in his life anymore.
Was I just his comfort zone? I feel so embarassed.
Just to clarify, I suffered the usual grief–denial, idealizing him, anger, sadness…now I’m just kind of "waking up" to the fact that he simply didn’t want me anymore…and feel dumb for not seeing it before.
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After cutting communication with an ex boyfriend for 6 months, I finally texted him telling him I never stopped loving him expecting him that he would feel the same way. Let me add the fact, that right now, he already has a new girlfriend and I found out the hard way that expressing your love to someone doesn’t guarantee they will feel the same way towards you and leave their current relationship. Basically, after telling him how I felt the whole time of not talking to him, I also asked him if there was still something there. He responded back saying "i don’t really know what i feel towards you. my question is, why did you wait so long to ask me this, why so many months." That crushed my heart once again. I told him the truth that finding out he had a girlfriend scared me and hurt me internally because of the choice I made to ignore him after I found out. I kept pushing it asking if his girlfriend knew about me, how it’s hard to not hear him say I love you anymore, basically falling into my comfort zone of asking him questions, expecting him to give me an answer expressing his feelings back to me.
Contacting him, from my own experience over and over again, basically made things REAL worse.
I found out the hard way because I just wanted to know for myself if he still loved me. I told him, sounding psychotic, that it would help me if he told me to leave him alone, and he said, please do. I responded you think I’m crazy huh and I never heard from him since.. that being the last text conversation we had. To top it off, a month later, I see him driving on the road (assuming his girlfriend is in the car) and I know he probably seen me also, but it’s as if we’re total strangers.
Do you think he cares at all? Should I just respect him saying please do, because I told him it would help me if he said that? I look so crazy because the last thing I texted him was you think im crazy huh..
It just felt so weird knowing we crossed paths on the road, knowing he seen me also..
I would love some inspirational advice.. what do you reccommend I do? Leave it alone?
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