I have searched, and searched for any real negatives out there about swinging. All the negatives I found were most from YA over the last couple of years which all were based on the myths of swinging.

Myth Number One: It will ruin your relationship with your spouse.
-This is sometimes true, but only for the couples that use it as a way to save their marriage. They were doomed before they showed up.

Myth Number Two: There is a smorgasbord of STD’s in swinging circles. According to the CDC, most of the STD’s are found in high school and college kids, African Americans and Gays (summarized from various diseases). Swingers are no where on the report. It seems they take safe sex to a new level, far and above what a high schooler would, even with just a condom. Everyone should know condoms in themselves are not enough protection. Just a start.

Myth Number Three: Ironically, monogamy is a myth. This is no joke, a real book from real scientist uncover in their "The Myth of Monogamy: Fidelity and Infidelity in Animals and People." that very few animals in the animal kingdom (including humans) are really that monogamy. Serial monogamous at best.

But what do I know? Instead, I invite anyone and everyone to find a book or website that talks about the negatives of swinging. If you can google or yahoo anything outside the religious circles who are against any form of sex outside of marriage, I would be grateful.

This is all I found:
http://www.ejhs.org/volume3/swing/body.htm
http://www.mobileswings.com/faq/benefits.htm
http://www.libchrist.com/new2002/collegepaper.html
http://www.libchrist.com/swing/began.html
http://www.couplestouch.com/
http://www.marriedswingingcouples.com/

No negatives, at least the ones I did find outside the religious circles, were all ironically from YA, from the people who tend to understand it the least.
The types of searches I did were like, dangers of swinging, STD’s and swinging, negatives of swinging, Is swinging bad, the cons of swinging, the problems with swinging, does swinging destroy marriages, beware of swinging and does swinging kill?
My single line of question, where is it that swinging is actually bad? Point me the way, don’t throw 1950’s style ignorance of sex at me, when it was said that masturbation would make you go blind.
I remember a time when people criticized people who wanted to make flying machines. These insane people were constantly told that if God wanted them to fly, they would have given them wings like a bird. Now flying is normal. Very few, at least if they do not have a unfounded fear, question the act of flying. It’s a paradigm shift, much of how Swinging should be considered now. We are still stuck as a people on either some silly notation that God will hate us, or we will spread STD’s. If God wanted us not to be swingers, he would have not make it possible for condoms, and other forms of protection…
My first post is made up. It exposes the double standard of ignorance among many, especially on YA.
I am technically an out swinger. A non-practicing swinger. Me and the wife use to mess with it when we first got married. Now, we just don’t have time to mess with it, plus I have high blood pressure so I cannot drink like I use to. But I now stand to protect and promote a good healthy lifestyle.
Celtic G: Well the world also knows that drugs, alcohol and smoking are very unhealthy, yet there are more websites dedicated to showing the truths and statistics. If people are not smart enough to avoid those vices, what then about swinging? They are smart about certain things they never talk about, never read up on, never explore, yet have a problem with stuff they do know and try. Check your logic.
God didn’t create marriage. Man, moreover, woman really evolved that part. Marriage was an arranged business dealing that had zero love in back in the old days, back when the Bible was being written, long before it was translated, and re-translated.
Celtic G: You are breaking away on me. You cannot defend the fact that many cannot avoid the "biggies" yet can somehow avoid the small stuff on being smart enough to know, yet they do not know, or even want to know. If they read it up, really thought it about, discussed with with some people before they came up with a conclusion, I would not have a problem with their ideas. But when they, people like you, just up and say stuff that is not true, unfounded, only sounds creditable like an urban legend, pretty much coming up with mistruths, that is something else.
I have never had an STD. I have known a few who had, but not a swinger. Most were single, and in the scene with bar flies and freaks.
I take it no one could find a negative website with real facts, or anything meaningful?

Same old rhetoric without any meat…

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My ex want to get back with me. The only thing is that he is still with his girlfriend. Now he and I where together for 2 years. Thing went bad when I found a condom in his wallet. Mine you we didn’t use them. So now its been like 6 7 years later. He tells me he loves me and that he want what we had back. But every time I ask him what does he plan on doing he never answers the question. I think that he wants his cake n eat it too. Can someone tell me what they think I should do.

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Trust me, you are about as safe with a condom as a rehabilitated crack head is in a crack house. Those things break. I know from experience. The only true way to be safe is to stay away from premarital sex and cheating in marriages the way God intended. 2Timothy 2:22 says, "Flee from youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart." If you have heard Christ calling you, please come to Him, be saved from all sins, and gain eternal life(Romans 10:9-13 – that if you confess with your mouth Jesus [as] Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved…) Condoms will break, soon…..but God never fails!
Trust me cheap or not, they break. Don’t put your trust in a…….bag……please.
The only fool proof way is to stay away….
Amen "JC follower"….and for those wondering, this is not a Christian vs. everybody else question. It’s meant to spread love and "true" awareness.
For all those who see this as a time to joke, please go and find some people that are truly suffering the consequences of such actions. Ask them how they feel…….listen……please

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My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 years. For the first 3 and a half we were on and off and everywhere inbetween just because we were young, naive, and unsure of what we wanted. He was my first boyfriend, first kiss, first love, first to take my virginity, first of literally everything. I have always felt a deep love and a gut feeling towards this man. During the times we weren’t together, just considered "sex buddies", it didn’t matter how great of another person I had found to date I dumped that person immediatley just to have a one night with my ex. I took every opportunity to be with him.

Towards the end of those 3 and a half years, both of us were going down a horrible path. Him with his drinking and drugs, and me dating several men at once and doing adult modeling. We realized at the end of those 3 and a half years where we were headed was a dead end and we needed to get our stuff together and we did. We jumped back into a serious relationship and helped each other turn our lives around. Over the last 2 and a half years we’ve hit a couple small bumps in the road but we’ve easily overcome them and it’s made us nothing but stronger. We love each other very much, we’re each other’s best friends, we both know our world would come crashing down without each other. We’ve been planning our future, saving up money to buy a house together outside the state, planning on marriage someday (when the time is right), and growing old together.

About 3 weeks ago, he did the unthinkable. He cheated on me. I shocked me, it shocked him, anyone who hears the story and knows my boyfriend well would be in complete shock. He payed a prostitute to meet him in the middle of the night for oral sex. Thankfully he used a condom the entire time. And thankfully it wasn’t someone he knew where something like this could turn into a love triangle. He told me a week later what he did, how incredibly sorry he was, how sick he was that he did it, he couldn’t explain his actions, he couldn’t believe he went against his morals, religion, everything he’s about. He couldn’t believe he could do something so horrible to the woman he loves the most.

Some would tell me to leave him. Some would tell me to seperate for awhile. I decided to tell him I’d work it out with him. We’ve come so far and gone through so much. I told him the bare thought of being without him hurt 100x worse than accepting that went behind my back to shove his dick in another woman’s mouth.

He keeps telling me I deserve better but I refuse to believe it. During those 3 and a half years when we weren’t together I found another boyfriend. Before that man asked me out I thought "what if my ex comes back? I guess I can dump this guy and go running back to my ex cuz he’s what I really want". 3 months into that relationship, my ex did come back. Breaking up with this dude was no easy task. He was very controlling, very minipulative and I felt I was being guilt tripped and forced to stay. So I cheated on him with my ex…. 11 times in those last 5 months with that man. I almost feel I deserved this like karma is kicking me square in the butt. It was very wrong for me to cheat and even though the guy treated me like crap, didn’t justify my actions.

Do I trust my lover? Absolutely not. That part is shattered. I spent a whole week asking questions. I wanted to know the whole story. I wanted to know all possible reasons that could have lead to him to cheat. He also has a problem with instant gratification, he wants it now and we’re also working on that. I told him trust takes nothing but reassurance and time. Forgiveness will not happen in a day or a week or even a year. Takes time. He has to learn patience. I hate to pull the leash so tight and lock him in the dog house but it’s not my fault he got there. Even if it’s something I had done or didn’t do, it’s his fault for not communicating that to me before this happened. So, I made him get tested. Condom or not, there are possibilities of disease. His porn is trashed, deleted, and banned for a long while. His jerking off every day, every night has to come to a stop. A possibility of him cheating could have been a sex addition, a porn addiction, boredom (he’s unemployed right now) and I will do everything in my power to make sure we cure those possibilities. I email him throughout the day everyday, I want to know what he’s up to. We don’t live together which is hard for me to monitor his every move but I do see him almost every night for a few hours after my work, and all day through every weekend. I do question him a lot and exect answers. I tell him he MUST tell me everything no matter if he thinks it’ll hurt me. It’s best out than kept in. If he’s not satisfied in the relationship for some reason or another he MUST tell me so we can fix it so he can be satisfied again. Communication is vital in our relationship if he wants this relationship to last. I’ve been asking A LOT of questions and he’s been good with answers. I told him if he is unfaithful one more time, I DO NOT tolerate a man who constantly cheats. I deserve a man better than that. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

I spoil my man rotton and have. I cook from scratch for him often, sew up his torn and broken jeans, I take him out to amusement parks and other fun activities and shower him with gifts for his bday, our anniversary, xmas, and valentines. He spoils me too, just differently (he pays for all of our weekly fun like all dinners and movies and stuff). I give him massages and backscratches. I help him go fishing, I help him re-load his guns when he goes to practice his shooting (like a shooting range). I do everything in my power to be the most perfect girlfriend for him. I read up on sex, sexual techniques, and pay attention to his likes and dislikes so he can be sexually satisfied always. I listen to him. I understand him.

He’s been good so far and is definately changing for the better. We’ve been talking more, he’s coming up to my work to take me to lunch once a week, he’s being more active instead of sitting on his butt being bored. He’s been telling me how much he truely loves me, how truely sorry he is for screwing up. He’s been doing a lot more to please me. He even put a promise ring on my finger, promising to never leave me, to never cheat on me ever ever ever again, and to be the best man he can for me. I like it and all and I think it’s very sweet of him… i just hate knowing how it got there, what hurdle we had to jump over for the ring to appear on my left ring finger.

I guess what I’m looking for in response is am I doing the right thing? Is working through this, both him and I praying over the situation and bettering ourselves, and me keeping him on a tight leash in the dog house is the right thing? What would you have done if the man you’ve been loving for 6 years stuck his dick in a prostitute’s mouth?

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I met this amazing girl at an after party in my apartment. We ended up sharing a bed and kissed/cuddled/talked all night. The next morning she and he girlfriend drove home. Later she sent me a text. And the following days, we planned to meet again. The next time we met, we shared a bed again but this time we had sex. And the sex was really good, for both of us as far as I can tell.

Okay this was the beginning.. we slept together many more times in her apartment and in mine. But it wasn’t all sex of course. We met at a restaurant sometimes and talked.
Everything was great. She likes to go out and drink in the weekends and so do i, so we would always meet up when we went out and mostly sleep together after I love her so dearly.

Im not portraying our relationship in the best way. Please keep that in mind.

When we we’re alone together we could talk about anything… ;P A couple of times we had sex without a condom even though I brought one with me. Which was stupid, I know

But we would both just joke about it. And she didn’t worry that much about getting pregnant she said. I of course expressed my concerns a little bit. We ended up discussing silly baby names and laughing about it =)

We are both just over 20.
I basically stole her from her ex-bf who she had been with for several years, he was manipulative and refused to let her go. He showed up when we would go out and they would go outside and discuss… Eventually he gave up. And she told me how happy she was to be rid off him. All her friends was very happy I had "saved" her from him.
She told me they had been on and off before. Also told me that she could’nt believe she was together with that unstable guy.

After about 2-3 weeks, she travelled to another country for a week with a member of her family. I was fine with this, though I told her I missed her, and we both texted eachother a lot while she was gone.

Then after around 2 more weeks, she travelled again with her friend to another country for a week. Before she went she told me how much she didn’t want to leave me. And how much she didn’t want to go. But she promissed her friend.

Now comes the crushing part.

She texted me many times the whole week she was gone. How she missed me, and how she wanted to be with me. How she wanted to sleep with me. How boring it was there.

When she got home, she texted me to let me know she was back.
Now the confusion starts. The next couple of days she was back, she tells me she is sick with flu. And we text a little with bit with eachother, but the next days im always the initiator. I always texted first, else she wouldn’t send me anything. I tried to invite her over, but she was bussy helping a girlfriend. Then after 2 weeks of not seeing eachother. I ask her, "is everything okay with us?". She says "I don’t know, I think too much".
Then I say "Please tell me now if you don’t want to continue with me".
She says "I don’t know, I don’t think im ready for a relationship right now. I need to get over my ex, I’ve been with him for so long I need some time alone".

I said "ok". But at night it gets to hard and I text her, telling her how I feel and how much I like her. And I don’t want to loose her. She texts me back saying "I like you very much, I don’t want you to think anything else. But I need to be alone".

I tell her" I understand and that im there for you if you want to talk."
She says "thank you I like you so much".
The next day in dispair I loose it and send her 2 more texts, telling her I need to speak to her and if she has any feelings. She has to come and talk to me in person.

I get no reply on any of my texts. She removes me from facebook and probably blocked me on msn. I sent her a last text where I said I was sorry for texting her and that I like her a lot. And that I understand she needs to be alone.

No reply of course.

I understand she needs time. But the no reply completly blocking me out is scaring me. I don’t understand. We haven’t been together for 2 weeks, I haven’t seen her since she left. I mean if everything was fine before, how can it not be now when we haven’t even been together.

I know she haven’t cheated. Because she isn’t like that. We was together for probably around 1 month. And it was the best thing that ever happend to me. I love her dearly and can’t live without her. Seriously, I can’t. Im so unstable right now it’s unbelievable..

I haven’t terrorized her. I haven’t called her. Only texted and not a lot. Only maybe 2 days after she said she needed to be alone. And im stopping now. (I only texted on cellphone, not facebook or msn)

Is she coming back? what is going throught her mind?

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