He’s Torn Between Leaving And Staying:

How Do I Make Him Stay?

My boyfriend and I broke up less than two days ago. I love him more than anything in the world, but I made our relationship very difficult because of my emotional instabilities.

I will do anything to get him back.

I am going to counseling to deal with my issues (they apply to my life in general, not just to my relationship with him), I’m reading self-help books, and I’m giving him as much space and time as he needs. I’m not forcing him to come back, but I hope more than anything that he does.

There really is no one else for me, and I think that I can really make him happy once I become a better person. But I want to be a better person not just for him, but for myself, for everyone else I love.

How can I convince him to give me another chance? He loves me dearly, I know. He told m yesterday (he sought me out himself) that he’s miserable without me, but the thought of getting back together doesn’t make him happy either, because I hurt him so much. He hugged me for half a minute, kissed me very passionately, told me he loved me, and then said “I shouldn’t have done that.”

He’s torn between leaving and staying, and I just want him to stay, to just give me another chance to make him happy like he made me happy.

I’m leaving him completely alone so that he can make a decision on his own. I’m trying to exemplify the person I’m promising to be in the future by being supremely kind, understanding, and emotionally stable. I’m a determined person, and I really can change. Not just for his happiness, but for my own.

I even wrote a letter to him explaining how committed I am to making us work, how even if he chooses not to stay, I’ll find a way to repay him for the wonderful things he’s done to me, that I’ll love him forever (I haven’t sent it to him yet. Don’t know if I should).

But is there a way to convince him to stay, to give me a chance to make him happy? Am I doing the right thing now? I don’t want to push him, because I want him to be happy and secure in his decision. But can I convince him somehow without pushing him?

Oh and we’ve had some fantastically good times, too. We both know this. He’s just overwhelmed at the moment by the not-so-good ones. All I can think about are the happy times, and how I want to make them happen again.

Any advice for me?

Technorati Tags: better person, counseling, doing the right thing, half a minute, happiness, instabilities, love, relationship, self help books, space and time, wonderful things, World 98, Yest

Ok I’ve been dealing with my depression now for a while and I’ve tried everything I could think of to get out of my depression.

1.) I’m going to counseling and that doesn’t get rid of it.

2.) I’ve picked up smoking cigerates and that doesn’t help

3.) I’ve tryed changing my religion and that doesn’t help.

4.) Tried making friends but that always goes wrong with me.

5.) Tried drinking that doesn’t help.

6.) Tried writing down the way I feel in a note book but I always feel awful even if I do.

7.) Tried weed but I still felt like crap even when I was doing it so I don’t do that anymore.

8.) Tried making pretend friends for myself I wanted to buy some fake GI joes and they could be my friends and I even wanted to buy a blow up doll and make it my girlfriend so I could have someone to talk to but I’m still depressed.

9.) Tried magic spells and that doesn’t work.

The only thing I haven’t tried is anti-depressants. What should I do to get over depression?

Technorati Tags: anti depressants, blow up doll, cigerates, counseling, crap, depression, gi joes, girlfriend, Magic Spells, note book, religion

I have not been diagnosed yet or anything but the descriptions of this disorder fit me almost exactly. Especially feeling abandoned & unloved to an overwhelming degree because of minor things. I got it in my head that my husband didnt love me therefore I should not love him. So I treated him like dirt even though I still loved him to death. I made him so miserable that he left me & he says he needs time to think things through to decide if he will come back. I’m trying to get counseling but its not easy where I live. I guess I just need to know if I should even hold on to any hope that I can get treatment and save my marriage. My husband is a wonderful man who does not deserve the way I have treated him & what he has had to put up with from me.

Technorati Tags: amp, Borderline Disorder, borderline personality disorder, counseling, dirt, Fit, Guess, love, marriage, unloved, wonderful man

My husband and I have been married for 18 years and just recently I felt a distance and I confronted him about it, come to find out he says he loves me doesn’t want anything to happen to me kind of love wants to still be in the same house for the kids sake tells me he has felt this way for probably 3 years now but is tired of lying to himself and to me he cries says he doesn’t want to hurt me and that he doesn’t want to feel this way but he don’t know how to get it back he says he crings when I touch him and that the only time he feels close to me is when he is horney and we make love but once were through its back to disgust I have noticed that the nights we make love he wakes me up in the middle of night talking to me being intimate telling me he wants and needs me but then when I talk to him about what he did he doesn’t remember it and were back to the distance again he tells me I need to make him fall in love with me all over again. Can anyone help? Its killing me
everyone has to know the reason I say 3 years it was about that time that I cheated on him which I horribly terribly regret because it was a huge mistake he told me he thinks that that is what this is steming from feeling he was 2nd best he took me back and we went on with our lifes he really is sincere in his words when he tells me he doesn’t want to feel this way he wants to love me he wants to be loved he just don’t know how to get back and he don’t know if it will ever come back he wants me to find myself, be happy, don’t push and maybe it will bring the feeling back
and what I don’t understand is the middle of the night intimacy thing, where is that coming from I mean I swear he truly talks to me likes he is awake. Example: This happened last night he told me how badly he wanted me and needed me and that he didn’t want anyone else to ever feel this. I truly believe there is no one else because it seems this is tearing him apart as well and no he doesn’t want to go to counseling he said how is talking to someone going to make him love me again
and just so everyone knows he says its definately not me as far as the way I look actually I have lost so much weight because of this he tells me he can tell me he loves me act like nothing has happened but he says I’m beautiful but he doesn’t want to get me false hope

Technorati Tags: 18 years, 3 years, counseling, disgust, intimacy, love, mistake, sake

We have only been married 18 months and she is very controlling and abusive. She wants to spend all of her time in the bar. It also doesn’t help that she works in a bar as a bartender. I could handle it at first but now she gets very mean. I tired to get her into counseling a year ago and she refused. For a while, she got a lot better and now she has relapsed again.
Yesterday she worked an eight hour day shift and I showed up right after she was done to pick her up. She wanted to hang out for a while so we ran into some friends and were having a great time. Then our friends left and she demanded that we stay for four hours even though I hadn’t eaten at all that day and it was now after 10pm. Then on the way home, I started getting screamed at and she hit me. She then kept screaming at me to give her the money she had given me and told me under no circumstances was I to give her the money. She was so drunk she fell trying to hit me again and then said "I made her fall".
She has had a rough life and went through things as a baby and child that no kid should have to. She constantly ditches me for the bar. I drink too, but not near as much or as often as she does. I cried my eyes out most of the night and told her today that I wanted to separate. She then asked if we could finally try counseling. I really love her and want to find the woman I love again. She refuses to go to AA and refuses to even acknowledge that there is a problem. If I mention anything, I’m nagging and have to get off her case or get screamed at. Do you think counseling will even help? She is also very jealous and has driven away 90% of my female friends, yet she is allowed to have as many male friends as she wants. She does not drive, so often I am her ride and have to stay at the bar until she is ready to go no matter how tired or hungry I am.She can be very sweet and has had a hard life. I know if I do leave, she will be crushed. What do I do? Sorry for such a long post.

Technorati Tags: aa, bartender, circumstances, counseling, day shift, ditches, Drunk, female friends, great time, having a great time, love, male friends, money, rough life

My ex fiance and I ended badly, I fell in love with his best friend and now my ex will not let go. It’s run to the point he’s calling me every few days, watching where I go, stalking me, having people keep an eye on my comings and goings and he’s going to counseling. I wish him the best, I want him to let go and move on with his life but this has consumed him. As a practicing Wiccan, I want to gently offer him a reprieve but not give in to his demands that the only way he’ll heal is if we get back together. I have searched for a good spell for him to forget me and move on but it seems all I can find is healing spells for those that want to forget the ex that dumped them that they are still in love with or those that desperately want thier ex’s back. Does anyone have any spells that might help him forget his pain, forget me and move on to heal. I want that for him, as I do care for him and want him to heal from this. I am better with candle spells than anything, but would appreciate anything anyone has to offer. Thank you and Goddess Bless.

Technorati Tags: best friend, comings and goings, counseling, few days, fiance, Goddess, Healing Spells, love, People, reprieve, spells, Stalking, Wiccan

My husband and I have been married for 7 months and about 3 months ago he left, over some jealousy issues and his family was encouraging the leave. I was helping my sister with the youth group at our church and some of the kids started texting me. The one that the problem was over was a 17 year old male. He said ‘love you’ a couple times, but in my church we say that. I’m not justifying it because it was wrong, but nothing to leave over. We were together for 5 years, before we got married. My husband left that day (in August). Right after the leave, he told me he wanted to work things out and get counseling. Then about two weeks later, he filed for divorce. He changed his phone number so for about a month, I couldn’t call him only email, but he would never respond. I called a couple times to his parent’s house for him and his father said "stop calling here, WE got rid of you"! By the way, since 8th grade and dated, his parents never liked me, and didn’t approve of us dating. Didn’t even approve of us getting married.
In October, his work moved him to Chicago for about a month, and before he left he came by, we looked through wedding and honeymoon pictures, we had sex, and he left. He stopped talking to me for about a month, while he was in Chicago. I drove up to Chicago to surprise him without him knowing, and he made me leave, and it was a 4 hour drive. He started saying things like I don’t love you anymore. I don’t miss you. We’re going through a divorce.
In November, all month, he was texting me, calling me, coming to our house, being a little more kind, and saying he’s contemplating things. He came by one night and said he misses me and wants to work things out. Then after working 3rd shift, he texts me and said that what he said was a mistake. But he kept texting me and coming home. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t for sex. We did have sex but not every time. He comes home after work from time to time and we talk. I ask him if he wants counseling and he says no, I ask him if he loves me and he says no. But he will never look me in the eye. One night he came over to stay the night, we watched a movie and went to sleep, and I asked him “Do you want out or you want out because it would be easier and he shook his head yes. He left at 5:30am because his parents were getting off a 6am and would know where he was at. But he breaks plans with me still, like stands me up. Its like he won’t come when I ask.
He asks me questions like why was I at the church when there wasn’t service, and why do you have people over at our house, etc.
In December, it’s gotten better. We’re talking more, he’s coming over more, and sometimes just stops by before work to talk. But he will talk to me, and then go a couple days without talking to me and won’t answer my calls. My lawyer called me asking what is going on, because there has been no word about the divorce at all. Like, he’s not pursuing it to his lawyer. Please help me figure out what is going on? What is he thinking and feeling?
Let me know if you have any questions about any detail?

Additional Details

Also, he made a facebook when he left and won’t add me. He told me Sunday night, that there is nothing to worry about. Also, about two months ago, I was checking his voicemail and there was a voicemail from his ex in high school Saying "If you don’t want to talk to me anymore just tell me"!!

No. He left her for me. Since that day, they never spoke. And that was 7 years ago. I have no idea how she got his number, probably from his parents.

His parents do not like his ex. They have never liked a single girl he dated. No one was good enough. He didn’t leave me for someone, if he did he would being too busy with them than for me.
Yes, but I’m trying to get some more input

Technorati Tags: 3rd shift, 7 months, coming home, counseling, couple times, day in august, divorce, honeymoon pictures, jealousy, mistake, parents, phone number, saying things, texts, youth group

My wife and I have just celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary on Nov-18th. we have been married since she was 18 and I was 22. We are now 34 and 38. We have 2 boys ages 7 and 12. She is a Nurse Anesthetist and is currently doing her residency. I guess it was right around our anniversary that i noticed something just wasn’t right. I asked her about it and she assured me it was nothing could explain and she said she would get over it. I decided to just drop it.Then that fateful day came when I had left the house for a little while and came back to find a letter that she was leaving and we needed to separate for a while. I freaked and immediately started calling her and texting to get her back home. I agreed we would go to counseling and after most of the afternoon she finally returned I helped her unpack and we talked, this is where I did what I always did and just blew her off and never really listened to what was happening. She told me that I never help around the house with laundry and dishes and with kids. While she works 65+ hrs a week. I am a local truck driver and work about 45 to 50 hrs a week. We never went to counseling and I said I would change and start helping and never realized I was still being the same old me and nothing had changed. She noticed and we fought again. I finally ended up leaving this time and realized that night I screwed up bad. I called her and said I was sorry, and I was coming home to make things work. She said thank you for trying. I came home the next day which was a last Friday and I washed all of clothes in the laundry room and put them away, I washed the dishes and put them away, their was also clean dishes in the dishwasher that I put away, I cleaned up the kitchen and had the boys squared away before she got home around 6pm. We talked for several hours when she got home and I assured her I changed and I really listened to her and never raised my voice at her not even once. She told me it’s just something she feels and has felt this way for over a year! She said it was something she needs to work on. I assured her this was the "new" me and I am a changed man and I was sorry it took this long for me to realize what I was doing. I think we made love that night then I went shopping with her on Saturday and we made love again that night. we went to church on sunday (something we hadn’t done in many years). We just talked for a while telling each other that we loved one another and made love again. Monday I went to work and she texted me that afternoon saying that she would be late working, I told her no problem that I had to drive to McAllen Tx that night which was 9 hours away and I would ask my mom to come sit with the kids. I went home that afternoon and washed dishes and done laundry and fed the kids and made their lunches and laid their clothes out for the next morning. I then called her and brought her a hamburger up to her work because she was hungary. She was just getting off and so we ate and talked a little. She assured me she loved me and that she was working on her "Issues". I told her everything was done at home and I left to go get in my truck. Drove all night thinking about us and got to where I was going at about 5:30a and unloaded at 7a. Still no sleep worrying about us. I called her on the way back and we calmly talked and this is when she told me she loves me more than anything but she’s not "in love" with me, because of all the time I treated her wrong by walking on her. She said she sees that I have changed and she was very happy that we can talk and she felt better about telling me. She also said she wished I had done this a very long time ago and that she was here and willing to get rid of her feelings and move on, but she needs help from a someone. Tonight we talked again and I assured her that I am forever changed and how much I love her, and I would be the best Dad, Husband and Friend she could ask for. I explained how sorry I was for doing her the way I had done over the years and that she was the best wife anyone could ever ask for. We both broke down crying, and after a little while we finished agreeing we would fix this. A little later we ended up making love again from kissing. This time it was very passionate. I don’t want to loose her and she don’t want us to end either she has an appointment with counselor on Monday and I do on the 22nd of December. I know she has anger about the past she needs to deal with and I am doing my very best still. She just don’t know how. I told her tonight that was done kissing up and I was just going to be the old me just an "updated" version. The guy she fell in love with before. I don’t want to drive her away by trying to hard. I am worried sick. Does anyone out there see her and us getting better? What could I do to help her fall in love with me again? I have a company Christmas Party Saturday night, she is very excited about that and so am I. What could I do to on this night to help re-spar

Technorati Tags: 14th wedding anniversary, 6pm, boys ages, clothes, coming home, counseling, dishes, dishwasher, fateful day, last friday, laundry room, leaving this time, love quot, nurse anesthetist

I love my husband. But a few weeks ago i found out he was going out with another girl. I found a picture of him making out with her in his phone and it broke me. He moved out. Now he says it was nothing more than a few kisses and that he has never been intimate with anyone. However, when he is upset he is very cruel and tells me how much he enjoys being with other girls parties and fun. But when he is fine, he tells me it was a lie to get me upset. I love him, but now i’m afriad to show him, or to get close to him. I"m afraid to get hurt. He agrees to counseling sessions, but when it comes down to it, he does not want to.
We have a baby, we are about to turn 6yrs of marriage. I dont know how to deal to with this. Sometimes it seems he is playing wiht my feelings. I’m not sure how to trust him. Im not sure what to believe.
He has been the only man in my life… but what he has done really hurts. I’m afraid to give up now that he wants to "try" and me regret it later. I need help.

Technorati Tags: counseling, feelings, girls, Kisses, love, man in my life, marriage, sessions

My wife and I only dated for a totall of 5-6 months ( I know thats really short but we were with each other like ever spare second of every day during that time) not including the month long break up in which she came back. She used to tell me she loved me all the time and I felt like she really did ( I still love her) She got pregnant on our honeymoon and soon went off of her paxil for anxiety ( i was on it too..) She says she doesn’t think she ever loved me and she started getting really irritated by me for really small things like breathing hard in my sleep, stinky breath, the way I pronounce certain words. I went to counseling with her and to a psychiatrist for a few months and it seemed to help alot but not enough. She asked me to move out and she hasn’t filled out divorce papers but right now I’m just trying to be as supportive as possible and taking care of her by paying bills and getting her groceries and gas etc. even thuogh I live at my parents house 70% of the time. Her family is so upset with her including her kids from a previous 14 yr. mariage, in fact last weekend her son asked her to invite me over because he misses me.. I just am having such a hard time, this is my first time to be a father and he’s due in like 2-3 weeks.. Did she ever love me? If so, can she love me again? Is it likely she will have feelings for me after? Sorry if you’ve read my other posts I’m just really concerned and interested in your opinions…

Technorati Tags: anxiety, counseling, divorce papers, feelings, groceries, having such a hard time, honeymoon, love, mariage, parents, paxil, Pregnant Wife, psychiatrist, sleep, stinky breath, totall

My wife seems determined to divorce me. I realize, it’s better if we’re together. Best for the baby. I love my baby. It came to the point where she called the cops to kick me out. If I request counseling, what is the chance that couseling can save our marriage? What is the chance she will go to counseling with me?

Technorati Tags: cops, counseling, divorce, Help Marriage, House Wife, marriage

was cheating on you 5 years before during separation, then shes moves back in, 3 months of counseling, she moves out again…says she will get into counseling for 9 months and doesn’t, pushes for a divorce but kept up the relationship for with me for 2 years after the divorce (I know it sounds crazy) all during while I was trying to reconcile, us being together with our son the whole time in two different homes, leading me to think that there was a possibility of reconciling, then cuts it all off abruptlty swearing there is no one else…then I find out the whole time she was with me she was seeing another guy and now she is marrying him this summer…and trying to move my son 2 hours away from me…also finding out that a dear friend of 20 years knew about it the other guy and never said anything to me during the affair…how am I supposed to be supportive of my son – getting to know this guy – he doesn’t like him and he was instrumental in tearing our family apart? all this truth…
comes out now…I end up paying attorneys after she tried for custody twice last year…hiding the guy…after the second attempt he comes out of the woodwork..and in the last few weeks I find out she was covertly being with this guy on a regular basis claiming confusion, and we can get remarried, annouces it publicly one year after the divorce…knowing how I felt about her and family, knowing she had no intention and I kept her alive going through almost K…stopping her from gettinf evicted…not knowing she was seeing this guy at the same time…helping her…and then she lieds in court to try to take my son away from me becasue she knew the marriage was coming down the pipe…how does one NOT get angry…how does one keep cool about all of this…fgor the best interest of my son whom I love very much and care for and now he is being thrown into this den of liars and home wreckers…low morals…and this new guy has alot of money…on top…she abducted our son 6 years ago.
Being mental as it was stated was an attempt to keep our family together with a woman who experienced 911 personally and went off the deep end…missed her home country and her family and ran with our son…I always believed that this affected her very deeply…but then I find out I was wrong and 911 had nothing to do with the abduction…she lept me believing alot of things that I had no idea was going on…I was trying to get her help…so does one just give up on a family in shreads or try to find a way to keep it togehter…and if so…how long does it take to put a family back into balance (Just a Thought)
For over two years on many weekends she would drop my son off with me gladly to take care of him and then go off to "be with our friend" and all along meeting up with this other guy…then would come stay with me for 3 or 4 days…then create a fight…two days later…back to me..me at her place…her at my place…all three of us together…that was my focus…my therapist told me "she is zig zagging…trying to find her way back to you…she will sned you through heL& but you will have to take what ever she throws at you if you really want to win her back…ALL along…her knowing she was never coming back but using me to stay alive.
and now she is taking my son to all the things that we used to go…all the fun spots we all visitied…restaurants, game plexes…movie theatres…parks…and he lives 2 hours away…staying over at her place duruing the weekends while my son is there…my son cant stand the guy…so he says repeatedly…but now every week for 3 months she hits me with something new about my son…accusing me of alienating him from her and her future husband…and my son says I don’t say anything bad about her or him…I have asked to meet him…she denied ot for weeks…then agreed…the day before the meeting…she calls it off…I want to meet his guy…my son wants to live with me…he doesn’t want to move away from me or his friends…she doesn’t have to move…nothing about a job…so he should have to cimmute if he cares for my son not taking him away from me…I live 5 minutes away from him and we spoend alot of time together…I am in the 5% category who sees their kids alot…why must she do

Technorati Tags: 6 years, 9 months, abducted, attorneys, best interest, confusion, counseling, Dear Friend, divorce, Ex Wife, home wreckers, intention, liars, marriage, money, morals, relationship, truth, whole time, Wife Cheating, woodwork

i divorced my husband 10 mos ago, had a boyfriend while married, just moved out of husbands house, currently renting a home with boyfriend not too far from ex’s place…i miss my ex and want my broken family mended (my ex and I have a child together). my current boyfriend i feel is not what i really wanted. regret NOT going to counseling to repair my marriage.

Technorati Tags: Broken Family, counseling, current boyfriend, marriage, renting a home

10 months later I STILL HAVE CONCERNS
I had read 6 different books including Michele’s d_busting. We never went to counseling. Back in August 9, 2008 I discovered 100’s of phone calls made from my wife cellular to the manager of the PX supermarket were she used to purchase our groceries. Right after I told her about my discover she asked me for divorce.I starting reading and reading and reading desperate to save my marriage . I extracted everything from 6 different books since not everything applied to our case. I did my investigative work with not too good results. I stoped "interrogating" my wife since she was planning to fleet. We had a mix of miserable and wonderful days together.
10 months later I continue with the investigation and guess what…I found out that I was chasing the wrong OM and I called the "wrong" OMW back in Octuber last year…(sh#!@). I was close but it wasn’t enough.
Today. I know exactly who is the OM. I know the name of the OMW. They have apparently have a "happy" family. Both of them are going thru a second marriage. I told my wife from the begining that she was dealing with a married man. She didn’t believed me. She said the OM told her he was divorced and that he lived alone in an apartment. Guess what…they live in a house 7 miles from our house and the guy is the manager of a local PX supermarket.

My concern: I haven’t prove it yet but I believed they started the telephone convertations after this guy was promoted and transfered from the px supermarket close to our house to a supermarket 20 miles from us in June 2007. I tracked (gps) her once in Octuber last year after the Discovery day and I was able to confirm this. Now, yesterday I confirmed that this guy was transfered to a PX supermarket closer to our house. My wife is totally unaware of this situation. I entered the supermarket and I saw his picture hanging on the wall "store manager". My concern is: my wife sometimes goes to this supermarket. If she discover the guy is there something may happen. So far she hasn’t promise me she will not see this guy again. I’m confuse. Everything in our marriage looks so far so good but I feel unconfortable with this asshole now to close to us. I don’t know if should go to his work place and warn this guy about what could happens if I discover another phone call in my wife cell, or maybe I should treat him to let his wife know everything about his affair with my wife. That could start another problem that I can not afford at this point. I feel like I want "revenge". All the miserable days this guy made me go through but at the same time I realize that if my wife knows that I’m following this guy she may be not too happy. I also discovered that this guy launch his boat at the same marina we launch our boat.
After 10 months of hard work to get to were we are, to a point that it looks like a "permanent" honeymoon. I’m still affraid to blow it. Please somebody help me. I need feedback. For the last 2 days I haven’t been able to sleep well again. I’m having dreams about fighting with this guy. Even when I’m awake I feel like going to his place and tell what a piece a Jerk he is. Even I’m thinking about telling his wife. I know that even tho 10 months has passed it isn’t enough to cool down. I think if I ever get close this guy I will kick his ass or it could even be worse. I still don’t know. I feel unconfortable now that I know the OM is around. Need feedback
After 29 years married it’s difficult to think about divorce. My wife and me dicided not to talk about this anymore an continue we our lives. Actually we are having a better time together, thanks God. I admitted I had some problems and believe me I’m working hard to solve them. We dicided not to divorce. There is only one proble and thatis that my wife does want to answer all my questions. I pray to God every day and I believe he will change her heart and surprisily she will come to me and ask for an appology. Only after that I will be in peace. But I can’t ask for an appology. I think it will take time. I did emotionally abandon her to engage in internet chating. I confesed to her that I wasted a year in this f*&king Internet.

Technorati Tags: 10 months, apartment, begining, Books, Cellular, counseling, discovery day, divorce, emotional affair, fleet, groceries, Guess, hanging on the wall, interrogating, investigative work, marriage, married man, michele, om, omw, px, second marriage, supermarket, wonderful days

But after an affair? Did you think that w/o the counseling, the marriage would for sure ended, did it end even with counseling? Did you work it out on your own, or just walk away? Just trying to get ideas of how others either saved their marriage or if they left it and try to figure out whats best for me and maybe someone will throw an idea out that there will get my own wheels spinning. Oh, and I am not saying who the cheater is, him or me, because thats when all the judgemental answers start coming…if only people could answer the question being asked and save the judgement.

Technorati Tags: cheater, counseling, Credit Counseling, judgement, Many Marriages, marriage, marriage counseling, wheels

What do i need to do to get my wife to want me again?

We’ve been together for almost 20 years now and we’re both in our mid to late 30’s. for the last 4 or 5 years shes kind of shyed away from me (even though she says she doesnt think so). we have kids and everything, but it never used to be a problem before. she says she loves me more than ever all the time, but i can never get her to instigate sex between us and im getting tired and bored of being the one who always does instigate it. ive talked about it with her til i cant even say it anymore because its like “beating a dead horse”. im lost as to what to do about this anymore… i love her to death, but i dont want to have a dead sex life at this point in my life already…
thanks everyone… alot of good answers! believe me, the sex isnt the only thing. we are both very much “into” one another, but we’ve tried almost everything that you all have written — about the only thing we havent isnt counseling. maybe that will have to be the next route. we’ve always been very open with each other about everything, so im a little leary about telling someone else our problems — we’ve always felt we could work any problem ourselves — and we pretty much have, but this one seems to be the biggest one we’ve had and neither one of us can figure out an answer… thanks everyone.

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my husband and I have had some problems. he wants to work things out, i’m not sure what i what we are planning to get counseling but what steps should i take to fall in love with him again

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My husband finally said he wants us to try again after 2 months of being separated. Although, he says hes not in love… do you think its possible for him to fall back in love? I’m still completely in love with him… but is it possible for people to fall back in love? What am I supposed to do?
The issues that I had are pretty much cleared up. I’ve been going to counseling and he sees that.

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Tried everything with this guy I was married to for 8 years. We had 3 of our own children and one from a prior marriage. After our divorce, he tried to get back together with me, but I was happy with things the way they were and wasn’t ready. I would spend nights over at his house because he wanted me to and I was lonely too. And then, boom ,he met someone, and now when I thought we were working things out, all has beenspoiled because of this other person. What do you do in a situation like this? What can I say to him now? I feel betrayed, and am concerned that he is thinking the grass is greener on the other side. He is so infatuated with this woman. Any advise? I would like to be a family again. My kids are confused, and counseling would have saved our marriage. I can not talk to him… Is it true that love is blind. I keep telling him that this woman is not going to work out for him.To top it all off, the weekend that he doesn’t want the kids,he is taking vacation with her

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Any insight would be SO appreciated!

Last night my husband and I finally had a heart-to-heart until 4 in the morning. The truth came out and I am so relieved that it did, because at least theres some honesty on the table.

We both came to the mutual agreement that we have not been "in love" for about 7 months now (right after the birth of our daughter) but that we love eachother and do want to work things out. We are going to go to marraige counseling and we both decided individual counseling would be best for both of us as well, as we both have things we need to work on.

I guess I just want to know if it is possible to fall back in love after so long and how?

Also, when is it time to say "enough is enough" and maybe we just arent right for eachother?

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Is it possible to win my husband back from "the other woman"? He seems to have found another girl… says he isn’t in love… they’re just dating, but I want so badly to save my marriage. Is it possible to win him back? I mean we’ve been separated for 4 months, but for a month he wanted to get back together but then just changed his mind. I mean if he wanted me again one time, couldn’t he again?

The issues that made us separate in the first place have been solved and he knows this, I think at this point hes just scared to put himself out there to maybe be hurt by me again. I just want him back, I want to prove that I’ve worked through my anger and lying issues. Which I have and he notices that. I’ve been going to counseling. I just don’t know what to do… Help?

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My wife has decided we are done and wants a divorce we still live together but there is no intimacy she treats me indifferently or ignores me, i have tried to just carry on and to change all the things that bothered her before. i have used the 180 techniques doing totally different things instead of my usual response but she is in complete lock down and will not discuss anything with me. she says she is not interested in counseling at all and will not even consider it, i have no money to spare so the tempting marriage coaches i see online for 0 for 5 sessions are way out of reach i cannot even afford the divorce busting books. we still sleep in the same bed but in separate blankets she also keeps telling me she has not felt the same about me since our first son was born now aged 3 1/2 we have another boy on the way due in a few months i do not want to loose my kids they mean everything to me not to mention i love this woman with my entire being.

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We have been married for over a decade have children together. We met in high school. We had a rough marraige, I did everything you could think of to stay together. I have been a good wife and mother. About 1 year ago I met a man and we became friends it has been 2 years now, friendship lead to an affair. I now have feelings for this man. I don’t love him. I think I just like the sex. I now have a hard time having sex with my husband. I know I messed up. I just wish I could fall in love with my husband again. ( For the record I have been to counseling and all.. but I refuse to admit to infedelity. Anyone’s advise will help.. Thanks

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My wife and I have just celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary on Nov-18th. we have been married since she was 18 and I was 22. We are now 34 and 38. We have 2 boys ages 7 and 12. She is a Nurse Anesthetist and is currently doing her residency. I guess it was right around our anniversary that i noticed something just wasn’t right. I asked her about it and she assured me it was nothing could explain and she said she would get over it. I decided to just drop it.Then that fateful day came when I had left the house for a little while and came back to find a letter that she was leaving and we needed to separate for a while. I freaked and immediately started calling her and texting to get her back home. I agreed we would go to counseling and after most of the afternoon she finally returned I helped her unpack and we talked, this is where I did what I always did and just blew her off and never really listened to what was happening. She told me that I never help around the house with laundry and dishes and with kids. While she works 65+ hrs a week. I am a local truck driver and work about 45 to 50 hrs a week. We never went to counseling and I said I would change and start helping and never realized I was still being the same old me and nothing had changed. She noticed and we fought again. I finally ended up leaving this time and realized that night I screwed up bad. I called her and said I was sorry, and I was coming home to make things work. She said thank you for trying. I came home the next day which was a last Friday and I washed all of clothes in the laundry room and put them away, I washed the dishes and put them away, their was also clean dishes in the dishwasher that I put away, I cleaned up the kitchen and had the boys squared away before she got home around 6pm. We talked for several hours when she got home and I assured her I changed and I really listened to her and never raised my voice at her not even once. She told me it’s just something she feels and has felt this way for over a year! She said it was something she needs to work on. I assured her this was the "new" me and I am a changed man and I was sorry it took this long for me to realize what I was doing. I think we made love that night then I went shopping with her on Saturday and we made love again that night. we went to church on sunday (something we hadn’t done in many years). We just talked for a while telling each other that we loved one another and made love again. Monday I went to work and she texted me that afternoon saying that she would be late working, I told her no problem that I had to drive to McAllen Tx that night which was 9 hours away and I would ask my mom to come sit with the kids. I went home that afternoon and washed dishes and done laundry and fed the kids and made their lunches and laid their clothes out for the next morning. I then called her and brought her a hamburger up to her work because she was hungary. She was just getting off and so we ate and talked a little. She assured me she loved me and that she was working on her "Issues". I told her everything was done at home and I left to go get in my truck. Drove all night thinking about us and got to where I was going at about 5:30a and unloaded at 7a. Still no sleep worrying about us. I called her on the way back and we calmly talked and this is when she told me she loves me more than anything but she’s not "in love" with me, because of all the time I treated her wrong by walking on her. She said she sees that I have changed and she was very happy that we can talk and she felt better about telling me. She also said she wished I had done this a very long time ago and that she was here and willing to get rid of her feelings and move on, but she needs help from a someone. Tonight we talked again and I assured her that I am forever changed and how much I love her, and I would be the best Dad, Husband and Friend she could ask for. I explained how sorry I was for doing her the way I had done over the years and that she was the best wife anyone could ever ask for. We both broke down crying, and after a little while we finished agreeing we would fix this. A little later we ended up making love again from kissing. This time it was very passionate. I don’t want to loose her and she don’t want us to end either she has an appointment with counselor on Monday and I do on the 22nd of December. I know she has anger about the past she needs to deal with and I am doing my very best still. She just don’t know how. I told her tonight that was done kissing up and I was just going to be the old me just an "updated" version. The guy she fell in love with before. I don’t want to drive her away by trying to hard. I am worried sick. Does anyone out there see her and us getting better? What could I do to help her fall in love with me again? I have a company Christmas Party Saturday night, she is very excited about that and so am I. What could I do to on this night to help re-spar

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I’ve been married for 4yrs. About 3 mths ago my husband began to express to me some unhappiness in our marriage. I knew he was unhappy in his job & he was somewhat depressed. We both saw a counselor separately & jointly and things began to improve. Then things begin to revert to where we were before counseling. Then my husband finally comes out & tells me that he is no longer in love with me. He said for the past year of our marriage he had fallen out of love with me. Of course he gives me no reason & says that I’ve done nothing wrong. He swore there is no one else, & I believe him. He told me his dream is to have his own apartment & to be able to come and go as he pleases. I just feel cheated because when he first become unhappy he did not express that to me. I’ve only known 3 months that he wasn’t happy in our marriage. Well, now he has decided to separate. I just feel like we haven’t tried enough to make it work. Is there any way he could fall in love with me again?
FYI : I’m 25 and he’s 31. I believe him when he says there is no one else. Our whole entire marriage we’ve had the same work schedule and worked in the same building but different departments. We also had lunch together at work pretty much every day. So this could have just been too much time together. I just wish he wold have told me when he first became unhappy. I feel like he bottled up those feelings and that just made things worse. I’ve only known a few months about unhappiness and we only saw the counselor together once and at that time things seemed to be getting better and then all of a sudden he dropped the I’m not in love with you anymore I think we should separate. I know he cares about me and I just don’t understand why he did this to our marriage. I will agree he is a little immature but I still love him and I’m having a hard time dealing with the fact it could be over. I just wish he would give me the reasons he fell out of love.

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