I am having an extremely hard time letting go of a long relationship of ups/downs with a cocaine/alcohol abuser. He broke it off with me twice for no reason. (this being the second time) but i was told he had a girlfriend. he was coming off a 3 day bender when this happened.
He has done this before but we ended up back together after a month. He would often get mad or bug me about not being able to drink a lot or refusing drugs when we were together. I tried to convince him he doesnt need these things and has so much going for him. He cant see what he could be and it hurts so bad.. hes being troubled since he was 10yrs old and been through alot of bad things since then. Is their hope he will change or seek help even though now he doesnt want it?
He says its who he is and everyone knows he’ll die doing this. He makes things up and actually beleives them which has caused fights between us before… I know i may need to seek counselling i am a sucsessfull loving girl, and i have a great family/friend group who all hate that i ever got into this relationship. Its been a week and Im happy then sad & hoping for him to call…
I fear that it was me who wasnt good enough, or that he is happy with some other girl, treating her well & showing her love. I did everything to show him i cared for him so much, nothing was ever enough and didnt seem appreciated at all..he tells me he doesnt deserve me he wants me to hate him, he wont be around long ect, then he can tell me im the one whose f*cked up and annoying ect and he’ll stop talking to me.
This time he told me he has a gf and not to wait around or call him, or book us a trip. (we were planning a summer vacation) it was literally so sudden and things were so good with us.
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classy girl that was interested in me. I did have feelings for her but once my ex and I made up I realized that we were meant to be.
Do you think I’m better off with my ex gf? She said shes changed, she even went through counselling to stop drinking (she cheated on me while drunk)
The sweet, classy girl would never hurt me, really respects her, and would probably make a wonderful mother some day..
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My step children are hideously selfish and don’t listen to a thing I tell them. They won’t even bathe! They’re 14(boy) and 11(girl). My husband has a passive parenting style. He hates to hear any fussing or fighting and likes to avoid confrontations. He knows that they treat me bad, but he says he doesn’t understand why he lets them do it. He says he just doesn’t know how to make them do the right thing. He’s tried punishment, rewards, and a combination of both. Nothing seems to work. I know that he loves me very much and it bothers him that he can’t figure out how to make the children behave and do as they’re told. He also loves his children, but they are tearing our marriage apart. Anyone have any ideas or have you ever been in this same situation??
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We have a two year old daughter together. Mu husband just deployed to Iraq and will be gone 15 months. The mother rarely calls, lives out of state and is schizophrenic . She sees them maybe once every other year. My husband is a good man and a good father to my baby. He carries a lot of guilt about his divorce and the impact it had on his kids. I didn’t mean to make it sound like he was spinelss. I think his passiveness stems more from guilt than anything else.
We’ve been married for about 3 1/2 years.
I tried for the first two years to have some sort of relationship with the two of them. I’ve done things with them/for them, I’m the one who takes them shopping, I’m the one who buys them new clothes, I’m the one who makes their father take them to the library, the park, etc. After two years of doing for them and getting nothing (respect) in return, I stopped doing so much for them. They are just REALLY selfish children who were used to being the bosses and getting what they wanted. I’ve even suggested family counselling, but now that my husband is deployed, it’s too late for that.
Just a little nore in defense of myself: My husband is in the military and he’s not home much. The children are left in my care. I have provided them with structure and activities. It’s easy for a few to point the finger at me and say I’m the one being selfish, but if you any idea how many "talks" the kidsa and I have had about our relationship, you’d understand why, at this point, I’m pulling my hair out. I agree with some of the negative comments. You’re right, I shouldn’t let their behavior bother me, but I don’t know of any way to just "turn off" my emotions when they treat me so badly. Even their father ADMITS that they treat me badly. Again, I have suggested (on several occasions) that we seek family councelling. I work, their father is gone, and I’m taking care of all three children. Is it so much to ask, for them to just follow a few rules? I’ve compromised a lot. I stopped nagging them to bathe, brush teeth, do homework or clean up after themselves!
By the way, Skidoo, my screen name was a joke between my sister and myself. One I’ve had for years. No hidden meaning whatsoever. 
And for any of you who took offense to the term "demonic step children", come on! It was a phrase to show just how frustrated I am with them! I’ve done more for those two chilldren since I’ve known them than either their real mother or their father. I’ve taught them why they shouldn’t lie or steal, how to have compassion for others, how to take care of themselves, and a lot of other real life skills they need to become productive adults. The issues they have were going on a looooong time before I was ever in the picture. I tried to give them what they needed but they rejected me, so don’t point fingers at me for getting tired of trying to help them when they don’t want or appreciate my help. Sometimes, I think the only ones who really understand are the ones who have walked in my shoes. And some called ME judgemental?
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I could not afford psychiatric counselling But perhaps I don’t need one. I’m not a masochist, I think I’m just sentimental. I like bringing back old happy memories and it makes me cry. I broke up a few days ago with my fiance, and I could not describe the pain. He has been treating me bad, verbal abuse, sometimes physical, even in public. I always found ways to forgive him since I love him. I did hope that maybe he could change. But I realize that people don’t change. I’m not going to elaborate on how we broke up. The thing is that I finally found the courage to stand up for my dignity and "fight back". He sent me messages on the phone today that he got so used to me and felt good around me, that he misses me. I answered him sarcastically that he could use other girls, but not me. I added that I am no longer his doormat.
My problem is I try to get myself busy, see friends, but everything I do reminds me of him. We lived together and so I think this makes it even more painful since i spent a lot of time with him. I still love him and he knows that.
I noticed that most people get over relationships much faster than I do. My previous relationship it took me 4 years to recover. During that period I refused to see anyone (guys), not even for tea. I don’t want history to repeat. Please help. Any advice or suggestions are welcome. Only serious answers please.
We were supposed to get married next month. The announcement has been made to all friends, invitations sent, etc.
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I’m looking specifically for a Bible Study that will help me feel my commitment to my husband again. I would prefer if it was an actual book that I could order but I would be willing to do an online Bible study as well. Thanks
I’d lilke to add that it always surprises me that people who don’t consider themselves religious or who don’t read the Bible will even answer a question about this topic and try to tell me that I’m wrong for how I feel. Why does it matter to you that I beleive in God and read the Bible?
another thing…I recently used a Bible study to help me get over the loss of a child. It helped me tremendously, more than any other counselling or books etc.
I already LOVE my husband, and this is my method to make our marriage stronger. We’ve been through something difficult (loss of a baby) and now it’s time to work on the marriage.
thanks to all those who answered my question.
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