my ex called off our wedding and i want to talk to someone, but don’t know where to look.
My husband wants a divorce, is depressed and doesn’t love me…hmmm?
Basically my husband came to me about 3months ago saying he didn’t know how to feel about me. About 1 to 2 weeks later he began showing major signs of depression. He went to the doctor and is now on anit-depressants. In those weeks he became very distant and then said that he did not love me.
He wanted to try couseling as a last resort. We went and each time he was very confused, got the counselor and I very confused too. The 4th time we went he finally told me he wanted a divorce b/c his feelings haven’t changed and that he didn’t think they ever could. Fast forward, we decided to see couselors individually and last night his couselor told him that “he didn’t know what love is” and that before he can ever love me again he has to be able to forgive and trust me again. In the last year I will completely admit that I have been selfish and not loving enough to him. As a result of it I have become more close with God then I ever have been before. I have also been reading about love and what it is and how it truly can’t just be a feeling.
Anyway I have made personal discoveries about myself and how I need to change. I want to work as hard as I can to help my marriage suceed and I am fully commited. My husband however is so depressed and confused about our marriage and himself that he says he wants to give up and doesn’t even want to live anymore. He says that his mind is telling him to stay but his heart is not in it and he doesn’t want to try. I need to know how I can help him and if anyone out there thinks it is possible to fall in love with the same person again.
These answers are great so far. I am definetly dedicated to saving my marriage! He is still atracted to me and I still turn him on but he says he feels bad when he touches me etc… Should I still try and be intimate with him or back off a little. I don’t want to be clingy… he doesn’t even want kisses from me right now.
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I’ve been married for 4yrs. About 3 mths ago my husband began to express to me some unhappiness in our marriage. I knew he was unhappy in his job & he was somewhat depressed. We both saw a counselor separately & jointly and things began to improve. Then things begin to revert to where we were before counseling. Then my husband finally comes out & tells me that he is no longer in love with me. He said for the past year of our marriage he had fallen out of love with me. Of course he gives me no reason & says that I’ve done nothing wrong. He swore there is no one else, & I believe him. He told me his dream is to have his own apartment & to be able to come and go as he pleases. I just feel cheated because when he first become unhappy he did not express that to me. I’ve only known 3 months that he wasn’t happy in our marriage. Well, now he has decided to separate. I just feel like we haven’t tried enough to make it work. Is there any way he could fall in love with me again?
FYI : I’m 25 and he’s 31. I believe him when he says there is no one else. Our whole entire marriage we’ve had the same work schedule and worked in the same building but different departments. We also had lunch together at work pretty much every day. So this could have just been too much time together. I just wish he wold have told me when he first became unhappy. I feel like he bottled up those feelings and that just made things worse. I’ve only known a few months about unhappiness and we only saw the counselor together once and at that time things seemed to be getting better and then all of a sudden he dropped the I’m not in love with you anymore I think we should separate. I know he cares about me and I just don’t understand why he did this to our marriage. I will agree he is a little immature but I still love him and I’m having a hard time dealing with the fact it could be over. I just wish he would give me the reasons he fell out of love.
He wanted me to stop using credit cards and start paying them off. I stopped using them and have paid off some of them already. He wanted me to get my caps replaced and we agreed that I could save the money since I didn’t have dental insurance and didn’t want another monthly bill. I have saved money and am almost there. I have a 21 year old bipolar son. He has never gotten along with him and they have gotten into fights. He wanted me to get him on his feet. I told him that I would need time to do this because I would have to get my finances in control to be able to help my son out. The counselor told him that with the way my son is he would need financial help from me. My husband agreed. The counselor asked him how long I could have and he said 1 year. The counselor asked him what if it takes 2 years and he said that is okay I love her that much. The counselor said what if it never happens and he said that is okay I love her that much. He wants my son to get a drivers license. I have started letting him drive my car and will be getting him driving lessons. I wanted him to express his feelings to me more often. He is the kind of man that is always there for everyone else but he shuts me out. He came to me a month ago and said that he can’t live with my son and it was either him or my son. (We have 2 small children together.) I got rattled and thought here we go again he is going to leave. So I filed for a divorce to start financial protection for myself and our children. He changed his tune and I haven’t gone ahead with the divorce. Last night he comes to me and says that we are not compatible, we don’t have a marriage, we don’t know how to communicate to each other and nothing has changed. I’ve worked on everything that he wanted done and I still come last to him. I’m so lost. It sounds like he is asking for a divorce but when I come straight out and ask him he says how can I just walk away? Any insight?
I should add that my son does pay rent, has a job, buys his own medicine, pays for his nurses and doctors appointments. And he has psychofrenia affective disorder but I didn’t know how to spell it so I just put bipolar.
