I still love my abusive husband…does anyone else understand what Im going through?

Im not looking for people to tell me just to leave him..find someone new..the same thing everyone says…because I know this, and its much easier said then done…..NO ONE UNDERSTANDS unless you have been through it, or are going through it…..

My husband of 4 years is in jail right now because last Oct. he hit me in front of our 2 year old daughter so I put his ass in jail..they gave him 11 months and a felony charge…..I stopped all contact with him, blocked his calls, he would call me at home and work..then he would have strangers call me for him to relay messages or do 3 way calls..then I got emails from strangers with messages from him…he would send letters to my work….for the first time in our relationship, I was able to be strong enough ignore him..(for awhile)…3 months later I couldnt take the guilt anymore from all his letters saying he would kill himself without me and our daughter..how could I put him in there? Telling me he has learned his lesson, promising never to put hands on me again….promises, promises…all words, no action..I need to see actions! I will never allow him to hit me again…he convinced me that it was only a few times and that he never punched me so according to him, it wasnt that bad..according to him, I exaggerated…..

The worst was his jelousy, and controlling EVERYTHING I DID, who i talk to, always accusing me of looking at other men…I actually trained myself to walk around not really looking around, just sort of looking down and using my perifrial (sp?) vision so he wouldnt think I was looking at other men…Sometimes I would walk right past friends in the store because I never looked around..I wasnt allowed to shake men´s hands when introduced…timing me when I went ANYWHERE, I never got back fast enough…I must have been talkin to someone….quizzing my 11 yr old son about what i did when he wasnt around..my son knew what to say and not to say….and that really kills me……..crazy things like this are just a few…I look back and cannot believe I allowed him to have this power over me..I had NEVER been in an abusive relationship before and my father never layed a hand on my mom so I dont understand why I stay with him???

At the beginning he charmed me..then I started getting those gut feelings and red flags..like the first time he threw something in my face..a plastic baggie full of Q-Tips..a silly thing like that but he threw it so hard it when it hit my face it shocked me…then he proceeded to tell me that Im worthless…my stomach was sick after this..but he sweet talked me into forgiving him….the next thing that happened was a month later I found some flirty texts from a girl on his phone..I confronted him. I ended up getting pushed up against the wall and choked….that time he cried and begged for forgiveness..this is when I started to get scared…scared of why I was still with him? do I really hate myself that much?….

The next phase was the pushing…but he always said he was "blocking me", with his arms crossed across his chest he would push up against me so I couldnt leave the room, couldnt leave him..that was the worst, when I threatened to leave…he would lose it..or if I didnt do what he said…

the next phase was when he wanted me to come out to the living room and smoke a cig with him..i didnt want to, I dont know what we had been fighting about but I just wanted to be left alone…he ended up dragging me off the bed by my ankles and dragging me into the livingroom….after that was the first time he slapped me….I cant remember after that, the order of all the fights..or why we fought…

After a year, I started fighting back…I punched him in the mouth knocking his tooth loose and giving him a fat lip..He was so proud of me after that..I remember how he seemed happy after I did it..he kept telling me how proud he was of me…I didnt understand at the time why it made him happy..but now I know it was because then he could justify his violence by saying that I did it too….or maybe he just gets off on violence……maybe I do too….maybe its some sick way to kill myself slowly and painfully…I have slit my wrists once with him and spent many months in a deep depression, we became homeless because I couldnt handle my job anymore..mentally I was too sick and it was making me physically ill..plus I would show up at work crying, or with puffy eyes from crying..he would harrass me at work and if I tried to tell him to leave, he would humilliate me in front of people yelling that I was a slut and a whore..talking about my private parts in public to make me feel dirty and worthless…..after we lost the apartment, we had to stay in motels, bad ones..moving from place to place…I went and took out about 00 in PayDay Loans which I never could pay back…I did it for him…so why do I do this to myself??

I feel so alone!! I feel like no one understands but I know it happens all the time…..One day we were


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I have a boyfriend, but now my ex is coming back into the picture?

I dated a guy for almost 4 years, I loved him very much. He cheated on me a couple of times in the beginning, then we were fine for about two years. Don’t ask why I stayed with him, love does crazy things. Well we were off and on for about 4 months and I found someone else that I’m now dating. He is a great guy, very sweet, and a very good influence in my life (as opposed to the other guy). I really like him a lot and love being with him. Anyway, my old boyfriend has been calling and text messaging me a lot wanting to get together and talk about things. He still says he loves me and I know he’s being sincere, and at first I felt like I didn’t still have feelings for him but now I’m not so sure. I know I’ve made him seem like a jerk but he really is a good guy and has always been here for me. Him and my boyfriend now just come from two totally different backgrounds and are two completely different people. The truth is, I don’t want to lose either one of them.. what should I do?


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This is the story im writing…Scarlett, and Wesley section no Daphne or Dexter?

tell me is it good? this is a section from page 12… its a romance tell me what you think…good bad shity??

Scarlett no! Wesley tried to scream but it didn’t come out nothing came out of his mouth. And he watched as she walked away from him And then as the car came. And some more…as she died.
Wesley woke up in a cold sweat breathing heavily.”God it was just a dream, that’s all man just a dream” He kept whispering to himself, but he knew that the dream was telling him something. That living without Scarlett and watching her believe he is only a friend to her is like watching her die, and she is dying…out of his life. Loss, even temporary loss can do crazy things to people and Wesley knew that now

‘Why would I ever like someone as ugly and stupid as you Scarlett!?’ The words cut her like razors and she began to cry ‘yeah go ahead and cry baby you aren’t worth anything to me you could have had a chance…earlier’ Scarlett looked up through bleary eyes and saw as Wes walked away another girl in his arms and she began to cry
Scarlett jolted herself up to the dark night around her. ”Oh my god. Oh my god. No…NO” She began to cry. She realized if she never told him how she felt he would never know. He would move on like he never cared at all. She knew she wouldn’t be able to live through it. She just knew. And she knew it all along that that was why she wanted most… to push him away. Fear of rejection can do crazy things to people and Scarlett knew that now

After tossing and turning for an hour Wesley finally decided that he had to see her. It didn’t matter if all he could see was a pile of covers over where she slept, he had to see her know she was safe. Wesley got out of bed and pulled a plain white v-neck t-shirt over his bare chest, then a pair of jeans over his boxers. He hurridly put on his favorite torn up black converse…somehow they gave him confidence. The he quickly but quietly ran out the front door. Wesley walked quickly down the mostly silent streets of Solana Beach California, till he finally stood right in front of Scarlett’s house. “This is it buddy” he told himself “you can’t run away now”.
As Wesley looked up to the second floor he saw a light on. He took a deep breathe and decided to take a chance. He bent down and picked up a pebble that was laying by his foot, he weighed it in his hand, then lightly chucked it at the window. It made a light tap on the glass then fell back to the ground. He waited a few minutes then picked up another and lightly chucked it the window. A few minutes later the window creaked open a little. A small voice whispered into the darkness. “Who is it?”
“Scarlett? Its Wes…I uh…umm was just” Wesley knew there was no logical excuse as to why he was throwing rocks at her window at three in the morning so he just told the truth “I was um checking up on you”
Scarlett yawned confused “What?”
“ummm I came to” Wesley ran a hand through his hair. “to…check on you” He answered closing his eyes.
“oh well umm…thank you?” Scarlett said sounding incoherent
“yeah well uh…bye”
“Wait Wes?” Scarlett whispered.
“Yeah?” Wes said turning around quickly. He found himself wanting to give her whatever she wanted.
“Umm meet me by the front door?”
“sure” Wesley walked across the yard and waited till Scarlett came out in her sweats and t-shirt.
“sorry I umm I just wanted to say…thank you…for umm checking on me’
“oh uh yeah sure” Wesley said confused.
Then Scarlett fell into Wesley’s arms and stood there…hugging him. “I missed you”
Wesley, shocked answered “Umm yeah…so did I”
Scarlett pulled away “sorry”
“no no…its fine…” Wesley said pulling her back against his chest. They stood there…till the sun
began to rise and Wesley had to get home.
As Wesley walked down the streets of Solana Beach, he thought of Scarlett and the way her hair had smelled like it was infused with a hint of warm vanilla. God, why can’t I stop thinking about her. Wesley thought, and he couldn’t. Not her smell, or her eyes, or her laugh, and most definetly not the way she made his heart race. The way she looked at him when he confused her. The way her lips pulled up into a beautiful smile. The way her eyes danced like the waves of the ocean. He wanted to be with her and he knew he couldn’t just deny it, because his heart ached whenever she was away, it raced when she was close, it skipped a beat when he touched her. Wesley knew it was all girly, but…it was the way he felt with her. He couldn’t stop it. He didn’t just want her… he needed her. She had become a necessity.

Scarlett sighed. “God he is perfect.” Scarlett whispered to herself. It was 12:00 in the afternoon and she was still in her sweats in bed thinking of him. How he made her heart stutter then pick up again every time he touched her. He made her want to forget about the present and just live for the times they had together. She knew it had gone a lot farther than just wanting to be with him she needed to be with him. He had beco


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long distance relationship… is done )= ? how recover it back?

After almost tree years relationship ( including a year and four months of being engaged) my fiance has decided to take a break, bc hes been stressfull lately. I, gave him the time he wanted. i havent call him or write him, bc i understand he wants to think things, as he told me he wanted to do this. all his family are very united with me; his brother told me hes not like wanting to date girls or do crazy things overthere, he just shut down himself.

I was very confused at the beginning (its been a week it happened) bc i dont even live around him like for him to feel stress. I do believe he loves me alot and dont want to hurt me at all. i cant deny i had cried about this. I gotta say too i had let it gone the fact of being myself as i was when he used to come to visit me the very first times. now i am working into myself for when we get back he would be more than in love with me and we will gonna be ready for marriage (as long as i havent finish college, i asked him to wait till
i get my degree and i could move to the USA with him.

what should i do?


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My friends said I could possibly make this into a letter to my ex to try and get him back..?

READ THIS AND TELL ME IF I CAN POSSIBLY MAKE THIS INTO A LETTER TO GIVE TO MY EX. TO GET HIM BACK POSSIBLY
(I blanked out his middle and last name cuz i dont want ppl to contact him.)

READ PLEASE>>

I keep telling myself I’ll be ok and not to worry and that I’ll eventually get over him. BUT To be honest I know I’m just feeding myself lies and trying to cover up the truth. which is that I’m madly in love with Christopher.K .M He calls me a cling on but you know what thats my way of showing him I still love him and care so so so so much for him. I wish he could understand that. Yet he doesn’t. Yea, I know I fucked up, but everyone fucks up at least once or more times in their life. NO ONE IS PERFECT! I mean it’s not really fair to hold a grudge against anyone for something they did no matter how bad the situation was. You only live life once. People DO learn from their mistakes, it’s wether or not they choose to do it again. Me, pshh, I’m most definitely not perfect. Who ever thinks that is crazy! However I do learn from my mistakes and try to be a better person. For once in my life, this is the first time EVER for me to fall in love with a guy!.When I told him I loved him I truly meant it! I’ve never had such strong feelings for someone like, when they do crazy things and you get that jabbing pain in your heart telling you to warn them to be careful, or how when right after you see that person you already miss him. When he kisses you, it makes your head spin, and when he hugs you you feel like no one can love you more at that very moment than he can, or how he tends to show off to impress you, when you ask him he denies it, makes me giggle, it’s so cute. No guy has ever made me feel comfortable just being myself. I always used to act like a whole new girl when I would be with my ex’s. With Chris I could and still can be myself. I don’t care how my hair looks, (Curly or straight) what I’m wearing, (I have walked to him house in my pj’s) because I know he doesn’t really care he loves me for well, ME! Chris has his lazy moments like making me walk to his house every time I wanted to see him, but it was worth the walk every SINGLE time. Chris is an amazing guy! I truly mea that!! He has the most beautiful blue eyes, sexiest body(Don’t care what people think, I say It’s perfect!!) randomest personality, but cute at the same time. I have lost track now of how many times he has made me laugh so hard that my cheeks hurt and I looked like I was crying. Being with him made everyday fun and put a smile on my face every time I saw him. I remember the first day we met. I was babysitting Hannah and Justin was following me and we were walking to the alpaca farm just for fun and we bumped into Chris on his sisters dirt bike. Justin and Chris talked for ever about the bike, and just random stuff. Then a guy on a motorcycle came over…Logan and he asked Chris if he wanted to go bridge jumping he said nah. Then we decided to all just chill at Chris house and swim in his pool. I agreed. On the walk back to go change Justin was fighting me about it saying you like him don’t you. I denied it at first because i didn’t wanna start an argument with Justin. Justin said we should just not go but Hannah and I both were hot so I was not gonna stay home and sweat to death. Justin decided he was going to go but not go swimming. He quickly changed his mind, I was one of the last people to jump in the pool. But i did eventually get in. The guys were playing pass with random objects..ugh men..lol jk It started to get dark so we decided we would walk around and just chill. I changed at my house then went to meet everyone at the bump at the end of my street. We made prank calls to some people and hid on some guy wanting to hang with us. While making prank calls and just chilling chris and I acted like little kids throwing little tiny pebbles back and forth at each other. I told his sister that night when she came with me to ask my mom if I could stay out later, that I thought Chris was really hot. Her reaction was soo funny. REALLY? Just the way she said it was extremely funny. (Had to be their moment) That night was almost perfect…but the next day was better:P..I had the best summer this year and now look at how much it’s changed since winter.. I wish I could go back to When Chris and I first met and maybe taken things a bit slower because maybe if we did that we would possibly still be together and I’d have my baby back. Maybe not now but maybe some day…some day soon I’m hoping he will realize he still loves me and take me back.


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