What do i need to do to get my wife to want me again?

We’ve been together for almost 20 years now and we’re both in our mid to late 30′s. for the last 4 or 5 years shes kind of shyed away from me (even though she says she doesnt think so). we have kids and everything, but it never used to be a problem before. she says she loves me more than ever all the time, but i can never get her to instigate sex between us and im getting tired and bored of being the one who always does instigate it. ive talked about it with her til i cant even say it anymore because its like “beating a dead horse”. im lost as to what to do about this anymore… i love her to death, but i dont want to have a dead sex life at this point in my life already…
thanks everyone… alot of good answers! believe me, the sex isnt the only thing. we are both very much “into” one another, but we’ve tried almost everything that you all have written — about the only thing we havent isnt counseling. maybe that will have to be the next route. we’ve always been very open with each other about everything, so im a little leary about telling someone else our problems — we’ve always felt we could work any problem ourselves — and we pretty much have, but this one seems to be the biggest one we’ve had and neither one of us can figure out an answer… thanks everyone.


Related Information:

I have too many problems of my own! How can I help others if I can’t help myself. Yes, I have been to therapy. I just don’t think I can care about the human race much anymore. All I have to do is go on Y/A and read all of the anger and hate people spew and think, or watch the news or read papers and see how, as a race, we are spiriling out of control with hatered and anger against one another. Will these be my clients? Should I even care? What’s the point if no good can come out of my work? I have too much empathy and compassion for others that it burns right through me and is burning me out! I’d care if I know my work would make a difference. I would really like to help people and the world to be a better place. I just don’t know if I have the strenght or enough compassion left. There is too much ugliness in the world and it gets worse. I feel that I am wasting my energy on trying to beat a dead horse. Thanks for reading. Any comments? Faith and prayers are the only things saving me.


Related Information: