Im writing a story and i want to know what everyone thinks?

Im writing a story called "The Life Of A Girl". Its about a 13 year old girl going into the 9th grade, but shes not a normal teenage girl. Shes half demon. *for all you who watch anime*. She falls in love w/ a guy names Matt. The girls name is Akaisha. It’s romance, mystery, and i guess you could call it suspense all rolled into one. Tell me what you think whether be good or bad and i want to know how to make it better. so here goes:

The Life Of A Girl
Chapter 1
How my life began

Hi my name is Akaisha Williams and I am a thirteen year old girl going into the 9th grade. Yea, I know most kids don’t go to High School until their 14, but I am not a normal teenage girl. In fact I’m not even a normal human being. Let’s go back in time just a little bit. My mom was a normal teenager who just got out of college. She was looking for love and she found my dad, who was what my mom thought was a normal guy who also just got out of college. They were both studying Law at A&M and UT. When Jezzabelle (my mom) found out that Nethaniel (my dad) was half demon she freaked a little bit, but before she had anytime to take all this in she found out she was pregnant with me Akaisha Lynn Williams. I am half demon. Which is kind of cool at times, but a lot of the time I wish I could be just a normal teenage girl. My mom died while giving birth to me so my dad has been raising me to become a demon slayer. Even though he’s a demon, he’s good. His father was one of the most evil and deadly demons on earth. But when his dad got married that all changed, he wanted to be good to his wife and his family so he had 2 choices either give up his life so that his kids who will be full demon are good or stay alive, stay evil and have his kids become like he did. To save the pain and misery from his kids the night he found out his wife was pregnant with their second child he decided to give up his life for his kids. That’s how my father now Nethaniel is a good demon. He’s also one of the most powerful ones out there. Since I’m just now learning how to use my powers I have a hard time controlling them. Oh yea, back to the reason why I’m in 9th grade instead of 8th. Well my Dad, principal, and my teachers thought the curriculum was too easy to they put me in pre-AP classes, which were still too easy. I’m still in 7th grade and I’m now in all AP classes, which turned out to be perfect. So instead of making me go through a whole bunch of classes everyone already knew were to easy, they let me skip a grade and I’m now in high school. Which to tell you the truth is a whole lot more fun than middle. The reason I’m so smart is because my mother was one of the smartest women in the world and apparently I received her smart genes and my father’s demon genes.

Chapter 2
Love
I met this really hot guy named Matt. He’s not only the most popular guy in school; he’s the only one who ever talks to me. I’m not really in a certain group, but I guess people would put me in the Emo/Goth group. I wear a lot of red and black. Matt asked me out to lunch one day and I was really excited, but he’s a sophomore and I’m a freshmen. That didn’t happen too often, so I didn’t know what I had just gotten myself into. After lunch he walks me home and asks to meet my dad. I hesitate for a second then I think ‘What’s the worst that can happen’ not really thinking of the worst that could happen. So he comes inside and sits on the couch, while I go get him a glass of water. Then I hear my dad’s truck pull up, so I rush back into the living room where I see Matt and my Dad talking calmly. This was very unusual for my dad after meeting one of my future boyfriends. Then my dad pulls me into the kitchen and asks if he’s my boyfriend I say “No Dad, he’s just a friend who took me to lunch and he wanted to come meet you”. So he agrees to sit and chat with him for a few minutes. After that I walk him to his car and when he saw that my dad wasn’t looking out the window anymore he leaned in and kissed me. I was so surprised I never thought that a sophomore would kiss me; I never thought anyone would kiss me.
When I got back inside my dad asked me how much I liked him and I said a lot but I also said that there’s no chance in the world that he could like me. After me and my dad talked about Matt for a few minutes, I realized I was late for work. I worked at a little restaurant for teens. On my way home I run into Matt and Mark (Matt’s twin brother) and I ask if they’d like to come and stay for dinner they agree. When we get home I noticed that my dad wasn’t home, he would usually leave a note telling me where he went and when I didn’t find one I started to freak out a little. So I go to the kitchen and try to call his cell phone but he doesn’t pick up so I leave a message “Hey dad, umm…you didn’t leave a note so I’m wondering where you are, I’m also a little worried about you. So call me ASAP when you get this. Thanks love ya.” Matt asks me what’s wrong I say “My dad’s not home and he didn’t leave a note.” The reason this isn’t good is because ever since his dad died and he became good there’s been a whole bunch of evil demons after his power who think that no good demon should have such power.
While Akaisha was making dinner she could over hear Matt and Mark talking and didn’t know what they were talking about until Mark said “Her father has no right to live. He has way to much power.” Then Matt says “Leave the guy alone. He’s done nothing to you. Leave him and his daughter alone.” That’s when she comes out of the kitchen and says “What were you planning to do to me Mark. The same thing your father did to my mother.” When Akaisha was born everything was going great until this man named Octavious volunteered to get my mom a glass of water, and when she took a sip of it she died instantly. Nobody knew she was poisoned until he came and confessed, and nobody knows why he did it either. Octavious was a normal guy who always wished to be demon. His mother was full demon, but his father was a mortal. His brother inherited all the demon genes while he’s stuck being a stupid mortal. Mark had no idea that Akaisha knew what his father had done, but she had a clear idea. “Why should your father have to suffer but you get to live?” He retorted “How do you know where my father is? What have you done to him? Where is he?!?” Matt breaks in “EVERYONE SHUT UP AND CALM DOWN!” “Mark has no idea where your dad is. He’s just mad because, well I don’t know why he’s mad.”
Once everyone was calm and as collected as they were going to get they all sat down for dinner. During dinner Akaisha got a threatening phone call about her father. The voice on the other end seemed vaguely familiar, but she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. Then the voice handed the phone over to a woman who asked “Is this Akaisha Williams? If so we have your father.” And then she hung up. Akaisha didn’t even know her father had any female “friends”. She tells this to the guys and they try to track the call on the computer but she called from a payphone. And there were thousands of payphones on the city, so there was a 10 out of 100% chance that they were going to find the phone that the girl used. They decided to sleep on it and figure out what to do in the morning. The guys spent the night at Akaisha’s because Matt didn’t want anything to happen to her. Akaisha felt so loved.


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Please read and rate my story.?

Please read it and provide CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM. It’s the prologue, in the point of view of the main antagonist bad guy, and it’s a rough draft.

Sammuel stared into the demon’s black and shining eyes. Neither said anything, simply watching each other in the dark clearing, the trees stopping the sun from touching the ground. Finally it broke the silence, its a voice deep grating rasp. “Why do you summon me, man-sorcerer?”
“I only wish to learn of your kind, demon.”
It studied him, the expression on its grotesque and twisted face unreadable.
“You will release me then?”
He nodded. “Back to the Deep.”
“Very well.”
The demon spoke, and Sammuel listened in interest, occasionally writing down something it said.
This was his secret life, his dark side. Sammuel had traveled the world in his younger days, gathering knowledge of demons, and ancient evil rituals, and Darkness. Had a fascination with the morbid, and demons certainly fell into that category. He had summoned demons, but always kept them securely trapped. He would learn from them, his knowledge and power would grow, then he would send them back to their world, The Deep. It wasn’t hurting anyone, but still Sammuel kept it a secret from his wife. If she knew, she could get into trouble if he was caught. He worked hard to keep it a secret. If the Disciples of the Light ever found out, he would be burned. A horrible death, to be certain. The Disciples were a powerful religious group that praised the Light, fanatical in their devotion. If anyone was suspected of having anything to do with the Dark, they would be executed without a second thought, whether they had proof or not.
He finished speaking with the demon and sent it back to the Deep. He stretched, muscles sore from sitting on the hard ground. He took the notes had taken inside a small cabin on the edge of the clearing. Samuel locked the door and headed back to Haven where Kathryn would be waiting for him. They had been married for near ten years, but he still loved her as much as the day they had wed. She wasn’t perfect, by any means, though.
He smiled at the thought. That woman could butcher any food she set her hands on, no matter how simple it was to cook, but she always tried her hardest. He loved her for that.
As he entered the town, however, he realized something was wrong. The narrow streets were unusually empty, with none of the usual bustle of Haven. He could hear the buzz of a crowd nearby, and followed the noise. Smoke rose up in a column into the sky, high above the crowd gathered around the chapel. A large fire was burning, a person suspended above the flames that were steadily leaping higher. A Disciple stood preaching on a small platform beside the fire. He could just hear her words, faint strains drifting to him on the summer breeze. “and she will be punished for her corruptness, burned in the fires of the Light and judged before the Revered Creator himself.” Sammuel slowly made his way forward through the crowd. The preaching Disciple motioned to another, who stood by. He added more wood to the fires, making them leap higher, licking the suspended woman’s feet. She began to scream. Sammuel’s heart clenched as he got close enough to see the one being burned. Her red hair glinted, looking like the fire that was below her. Kathryn. He summoned his magic, trying to send water to the fires, to quench the flames that were killing his beloved.
Some of the Disciple Knights rushed to him, stopping him. He killed them with his magic, not noticing the weariness that coursed through him from using so much of his power. He pushed through the crowd to get to Kathryn, to save her. She had noticed him through her pain and had begun to scream for him. “Sammuel, please save me! Please Sammuel, make them stop!”
The Disciples hurriedly added more wood to the fire, making it flare up. The flames steadily made their way up her body, her screams getting worse and worse. She had stopped yelling for him to help her, now it was just a long, drawn-out cry of pain and terror.
Sammuel knew he could not save her now, he tried to send lightning at her, to end it quickly. Anything to spare her more of this horrible torment. More of the Disciples rushed at him, overpowering him. He fought them off, still moving toward the fire. The square was filled with noise, the shouts of the Disciples, the noise of the crowd, the dying moans of the Disciples who tried to stop him, the crackle of the flames, and above it all, the harsh screams of his wife.
Time seemed to end when her screams died down, then stopped. The fire still crackled, the crowd was still in a panic, and the Disciples went on with their noise, but all he heard was silence once Kathryn stopped screaming. He lost it then, sending out a massive shockwave, killing all around him, Disciples and townsfolk alike. Suddenly the square went into a panic, the citizens of Haven all trying to get out, escape. He didn’t let them. When
When the families tried to run from the square, he sent up walls of flame to bar their way. They had let this happen, had sat and watched as his Kathryn had been tied up and burned to death for something she was innocent of. Many died that day in the square, young and old, man woman and child, fat, thin, poor, wealthy, kind and cruel alike. Sammuel did not feel a thing. Nothing mattered now except vengeance for his poor Kathryn. Sammuel left one alive, however. As all the others lie dead, he stepped up to the platform where the Head Disciple lay.
She stared at him, hatred in her eyes.
“Why did you kill her? She was innocent. She did nothing!”
“The woman had it coming. She was worshipping the Dark in secret. We heard it true, straight from the mouth of a neighbor of yours.
“Why did you not look for proof before burning an innocent woman?”
She glared at him. “I will not justify my actions to a Shadow-worshipper. Kill me and be done with it.”
He dragged her to her feet and pushed
her into the fire. He closed his eyes as she died screaming. Vengeance, but a small one. To avenge his wife, he would destroy all the Disciples. He would destroy the Light itself. This world would go to the Dark, not the Light.
He managed to quench the fires, though it took quite awhile. He got his wife’s charred body down, her beautiful red hair burned off. He retrieved a blanket from their home and wrapped her in it, then carried her to the clearing by his cabin in the woods. He dug a hole for her beside the cabin, then placed her carefully in it.
Sammuel searched in the woods until he found a suitable stone, large, white and smooth, and carried it back to her grave. He used magic to inscribe upon the headstone:

Kathryn Annalee Carneston
A beloved wife

The morning sun drifting over the ocean tide,
Seems less beautiful without you by my side,
And the warmth of a hearth fire on a chilly winter day
Seems colder without you by my side to stay
You are gone from this world, taken before your time,
I shall not rest till I recompense this crime.
And when it is done, when your killers have paid
I will join you in death, my fair red-haired maid.

He shoveled dirt over her body in the grave and placed the stone atop it. He sat by her for hours, reliving their short time together. He fell asleep, weary after all the magic he had used. It would have killed anyone else, but for years Sammuel had been harnessing Dark magic, making him more powerful than most other mages in all of
Tenere. When he woke, it was night. The moon and stars were covered by a thick layer of clouds, making it pitch black in the clearing. Sammuel pulled himself up from the ground and unlocked the cabin. He headed for the bookshelf, fingers brushing over the spines, searching for a certain book. He found it, the oldest book on his shelf, it’s black leather cover almost falling apart. The pages were super thin, the writing on them blood red. He flicked open the pages, eyes scanning each one. He stopped when he saw the words “to Breach the Barrier”. He read the ritual method and gathered up jars and a long knife with a curved blade. He walked to the middle of the clearing again, depositing the stuff on the ground. The jars clinked against each other, one filled with pitch black powder, one filled with some sticky substance that smoked slightly. Another was filled with demon blood, the thick dark red liquid sloshing as he sat it down. He took the black sand and made a large triangle with a
circle in the center. Sammuel poured the blood in strange symbols that seemed to give off an air of malice. He opened the jar of the smoking stuff and dumped it into the middle of the whole thing. After looking back at the book, he picked up the knife and laid his hand in it. Sammuel spread his fingers wide and brought the knife down, hacking off three of his fingers, leaving only his pinky and ring finger. He stepped out of the circle and began to chant, ignoring the pain and the blood running down his hands. As he chanted from the book, it seemed to get darker. The sand seemed to glow, and slowly, faint whispering sounds came into his hearing.
Just before he finished, he paused. Should he go on? This would allow demons to run rampant in this world. He looked over to Kathryn’s grave, and that strengthened his resolve. He read the last word and watched the runes he had made. The sand glowed, the whisperings continued, louder now. The smoking stuff began to radiate a light, which
grew. It flashed outward, a cold rush of wind that stunk of death and shadow that blew his black hair back. Then all the glowing and whispering stopped, and the world was still. Sammuel wrapped his bloody hand in a rag and walked to the cabin. He placed the book back on his shelf and sat at his desk.
“I have unleashed the Dark on this world. I have breached the barrier.” he said aloud to himself, his voice sounding odd and out of place, still in doubt. How could he be sure?
As if in answer to his thoughts, a demon materialized. He bowed when he saw Sammuel. His hair was stringy and lank, face twisted and grotesque, features decaying, but still recognizably human.
“Master.”
“What are you doing here?”
“You breached the barrier, now we can travel to this world freely. You must command us, Master. You have given us our freedom, we will war under your command as we come to power in Tenere.”
Sammuel thought over the demon’s words. He stood.
“Begin building an army. We will control this world under the name of Darkness. I will destroy the Light as they have destroyed me.”


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Who wrote this poem? Truthfully?

THE SUPERFICAL
The mind sees only that which it longs to see. That is why whispers fade so quickly and settle as a beautified memory, but then we realize that reality is merely perception. Clearly reality is nowhere.

Here at the entrance of this place,
Hangs a large marquee.
Its lights flash
As if to welcome you
With dancing stars
And the lights of Vegas.
Nobody can truly understand
The unwelcoming blindness
That penetrates into our eyes.

You have arrived to nowhere
We nothing here for you it says;
Flourished and vibrant
Like a circus advertisement.
The boundaries end here like
Barbed wire marked by this sign.
This sign of opportunity and glamour,
Of riches and bohemia…

Yet clear as crystal the message remains
“We have nothing here for you.”
And you know
There is never a way out of here;
For there isn’t an exit from this place.

Though we see child prodigies,
Freak shows, and alcoholics—
Though we see the Barbie dolls,
The demons and the junkies.
The mind is full of all
That’s indefinite and unknown.
People don’t care
They don’t care to know about such things.

So soul search
And see only what you wish to see
Many minds fall for trickery;
Ruining the last
Of humanity’s intuitive essence.
The mind is self destructive…isn’t it?

Perhaps we are too
Too artistic of a human race.
We have become pseudo
Superstars and billionaires.
We don’t care
About the emotions we’ve lost
Everyone is living life
Numbly and contently.

Painting their scenery with acrylics
We create a circus world
Of beautiful things and magic.
We line the outskirts of our universe
With smoke and mirrors;
To hide the dreary skies which surround us.
Some decide to breathe in the air
Which has been polluted forever.
No one tries to hold their breath.
Instead we buy cigarettes
And Karma beads…

Dropping sadness down a sewer
For the rats to feed on;
We loose all desperation
And our sad hearts become vengefully fake.
To admit you are alone is virtually suicide.
Nobody belongs in a world like this.

We tread on along down
The never ending roads in circles;
Never getting anywhere;
But never admitting we have been corrupted.

We wear feathered masks covered in glitter.
We dye our hair fluorescent pink and vibrant indigo.
Together every sullen heart
Silently wonders just
How many colors it will take
For the pain to vanish for good;
How much makeup and codeine it will take
To turn us to a race of fiction; a film.

Reality is merely perception
And we all perceive different things
Clearly reality is a matter of trust and faith
Something extinct and unnatural.
So we starve ourselves just as to disappear
Deep behind our painted on smiles.
We lie to ourselves every day.
We are tie-dyed with aesthetic virtue,
With glamorous pride and perfection
As we waste away in this place.

The glass is always half full of emptiness.

Nowhere can provide you with a decent lie,
A true secret for riches and fame of course.
But what is left once your dream;
Your ambitions of lies, is stripped away?
The answer remains; absolutely nothing.
Once all your riches and make-up—
Your masks and fame weaken away,
You notice…you were never anything

You were nothing to begin with.
We wonder to ourselves…
Nothing is left, but how
How will we ever make nothing leave?
You can’t kill your shadow
Or the gleam in your eyes…or the mirror…
And it wouldn’t make a difference if we tried to.

Nothing is something
We experience with every breath
Of our non-existence
Here in nowhere.
Can you imagine the hunger…?
The adaptation we make to find
Nourishment in emptiness?
Can you imagine
How we have to make pain,
In order to make the numbness go away?

Sickened
I can tell you my story.


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Is this a good synopsis for my book?

This is for my book The Dark Mysterians: Gathering of the Horsemen

Fourteen-year-old Joseph Whitman, suffering from amnesia and not able to remember his own mother’s name, struggles with a new city, new school, and new life. Upon the arrival to his second chance in life, Joseph befriends three other teenagers with extraordinary capabilities. But when Joseph learns of his destiny, to fulfill a position as one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse and aid in the destruction of Earth, his life starts spiraling out of control.

Filled with angels, demons, half breeds, witches, werewolves, vampires and more, this epic novel will put Joseph at his wit’s end and the edge of breaking point, leading up to the final climatic scene where he either realizes that the Apocalypse is an inevitable end, or commences himself into a full-fledge mental shutdown.

It’s kind of rough and misses the comedy, romance, and horror scenes that takes place in the book, but this is what I used to query for literary agents to consider my novel. Only one agency (WritersHouse) accepted it, and I think that’s kind of bad but also normal since their so busy and since I’m only 14. Is there any advice I can take?


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Please help! can someone suggest some anime programs?

hiya, i really love anime, i have watched the following:
•Mew mew power
•Card captors
•Inuyasha
•Pretear
•Full moon wo sagashite
•Kaze no stigma
•Fruits basket
•Ouran host club
•Kaleido star
•DN angel

I really enjoyed all of them so please can you suggest me some more to watch, i am very picky (sorry)
Please can you make sure the programs have these qualities:
english dub (no subs, hate them drives me crazy)
romantic- like teen love when they don’t like each other at first but they slowly fall in love
comedy- anything that i will laugh out loud at
magic,fantasy- i am rubbish at describing stuff. all i really want is for it to be like mew mew power-power ups or magic- sort of like cardcaptors or demons- inuyahsa

sorry for being so picky

i don’t mind where i can watch it but no downloading

thanks


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