How to rid my mind of an unhealthy sexual fantasy?

I think this fantasy may have started back when I was with my first real love and girlfriend. She ended up cheating on me after almost 2 years together, and I think thats when I started fantasizing about her with him. After I got over the anger and depression we resolved things and were together for another year. But all the while I couldnt stop thinking about her being with someone else, even when we made love, I got turned on like never before. I told her about it and she would try to play along in helping me fantasize but I think it made her uncomfortable. She ended up leaving me later on for another guy she had fallen in love with, behind my back.

SO I think thats when this started, I was emotionally scared, but for some sick reason I couldnt stop thinking about her being with another guy when I fantasized.

So since then, which was about 7 years ago, I’ve dated and have had a few more serious girlfriends in between. And with every girl I get serious with, I start fantasizing about it all over again, but with my current girlfriend. A couple of them I felt comfortable enough to tell them and one was again uncomfortable with it, and I think it put a damper on both relationships. Its not just that fantasy, but i’ve had other recurring fantasies, even some bicurious ones, and swinging. I know I’m not gay, and I dont believe that the bi-curiosity really has too much to do with this, if it does its just a tiny bit. But overall I think its the rush I get from the jealousy, and some sort of sick idea of how hot it would be to watch her with somine else while I was there holding her hand, but always in the end of the fantasy she would still go home with me, and still be in love with me. Maybe its like, I’m thinking I cant please her, and I her getting pleasure, so thats why I want this so bad. I dont know.

But with out trying to figure out why I keep having these fantasies, I want to know how I can stop having them. My last girlfriend, who I was totally in love with, we were having amazing sex and I wasnt thinking about this particular fantasy for the first month we dated (possibly because I had stopped masturbating until we started having sex). But then it crept back into my mind, and the sex although still good wasnt quite what it was in the beginning. And this really bothered me, because I kept growing closer and closer to her, and I thought she could have been the one, and here I was thinking about her having sex with other guys. It made me sick, despite the fact that it turned me on.

One part of me would like to think that somehow I could make a relationship like that work, where I let a girl be with someone else and I just watch, but I’ve read a lot of forums and have heard testimonials from people who have tried this, and the end result is usually a break up 8 times out of 10 it seems.

Needless to say, the last girl I fell in love with so deeply, left me for her ex boyfriend who she had been with for 5 yrs prior to me. So now once again, all I can think of now is her and this guy, every time I get off.

Yeah, I know this is all kind of messed up, usually after I’m done fantasizing and I can think clearly, it worries me as to why I like it soo much, and I wish I didnt.

The main reason I want it to go away, is because I dont want to find the girl of my dreams, and then mess it up because I either let her do this and it ruins everything we have, or I let it eat me up inside and it keeps me from fully enjoying the sex life that we have at that point.

When I think clearly, yeah, i’m like, why in the world would I want another dude getting with my gf??

So obviously, I’m probably not in the correct mental state where I could actually handle such a proposition becoming reality. Yet, almost every time I fantasize, it ALWAYS pops into my mind. Its my biggest turn on, and I dont like it , lol :P

So does anyone have any advice, aside from seeing a psychologist, because I cant really afford that. Also, I’m only 25 and I’m in good shape, I don’t have a super tiny package, and other than trying to find the right career I dont really have any major problems in life that I would think could really make me think I should like to feel sorry for myself, or would cause me to want to have this obsessive fantasy of having someone else have sex with the most important person in my life right in front of me.

Maybe I’m just crazy and therefore doomed.

Anyways, if anyone has and experience or advice on how to get rid of inappropriate sexual fantasies, no matter what they are… I AM ALL EARS! Thanks so much :)



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BF Upset about his bestfriend(also an ex) being pregnant?

*I am pretty sure its not his* I have never seen my bf cry until today when I stopped by his place to visit and we have been together for almost a year. So naturally I asked what was wrong and he told me that his best friend was pregnant. His best friend is a girl who used to be one of his roomates, they all lived together for almost four years. I noticed their chemistry before we dated and questioned him about it and he said they had been romantically involved for a while but that was over and they were just best friends who had been through thick and thin together. They visit each other a bit and we have gone out together, she has now been with someone else for a while and we’ve done double dates and everyone seems to get along great. So i was confused why he was upset that she was pregnant and I asked him, this made him angry and he asked me to leave but I stood my ground because I was scared maybe something had happened between them. He then told me that he had gotten her pregnant, unplanned and that they decided they were going to keep the baby because apparently they used protection and figured it was meant to be when that failed. Two months before the baby was due they were in a car accident and she lost the baby and went into a bit of depression, they stopped their physical relationship and have still been best friends since even though they both date other people. I felt horrible, I had no idea but also I think maybe he should have told this to me before now. The worst part is that he said It was so unfair he screwed up his chance for a family (he was driving and only had a few scratches) and that he doesn’t know if he can watch her be so happy and pregnant because it brings back so much to him. He said sorry and asked me to leave for a bit because he is so emotional right now . I can’t imagine going through that but I feel like he should move on from it, she seems to have especially now that he’s with me. What would you do?
** I know this is almost a repeat but it is more clarified now that I am not as emotional as I was when I intially posted ** Also this forum seems to have a more mature audience then the relationships



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i want to win my (ex) boyfriend back. need help!?

we broke up new years eve….almost exactly a week ago. we were together 8months and generally happy, but he suffers from depression and was in a nasty mood the week of new years eve. we had an argument and broke up….. shortly after i told him i didn’t mean it and it wasn’t what i really wanted, but he said he feels like he needs to work on himself as an individual and can’t do that when he’s so involved with someone. he said he really didn’t want to lose me as a friend though, so we’ve been ‘friends’ so far. we hung out for the first time last night with a friend, when we were alone he admitted it was the first time all week he was awake and happy and he asked me if id please stay his friend. im hoping if im patient and play it cool, he’ll start wanting me back.

but how long should i wait to try to make the jump? i don’t want to move to quick before he has time to miss me(and maybe appreciate the ‘single’ me), but i don’t want to wait so long that he adjusts to being without me.

and how should i make the move: while it’s generally my style to be verbal, he seems to be MORE resistant to emotional moments, he kind of shuts down sometimes. i was thinking maybe i can just wait till the right moment and kiss him, he wouldn’t over think and maybe it would be the fun spontaneous kind of thing that would make him fall for me again.

what do you guys think? any advice for me?



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he chose to be with his cheating ex girlfriend?

over me. im a sweet, classy girl. he says he doesnt understand me.and i do agree that i am difficult to understand sometimes because i have a history of depression and bulimia and have lived a hard life. he said the only reason he got involved with me before going back to his ex g/f was to show me what not to look for in a guy.

he claims he did have feelings for me though.
do you think there is any future for us?
would you give me a chance if you were a guy?


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Possible to save relationship after abuse?

My boyfriend has suffered some severe emotional abuse from me, at first things were great but then after about a year of us being together I started having extreme mental health and emotional issues like rage and depression and I’m so messed up on the inside, and because of me my guy has be drug down low. (I’m not making an excuse, I’m just explaining how I am). There have been some messed up things that have happened in the past. Things aren’t even half as bad right now as they were like a year ago, and I know he’s an adult and he chose to stay but I but now he is so messed up because of me and I just never owned up to getting myself to change until these past couple of months. I don’t deserve him, I hurt him so much. I just want to know if it’s possible to save a relationship after so much damage, because we both love eachother very much, he’s so messed up about it beacuse he wants to be with me but not how it is while I’m in this messed up state hurting him all the time
We aren’t together right now, we have been not really together for a while now but it’s been a back and forth kind of thing and because both of us now are emotionally unstable it seems there’s always some kind of a fight, whether because of my insecurity. We know we shouldn’t be together now and we aren’t but is it possible to even save after having experienced such things.
the time during this has happened he stayed with me because it wasn’t like me because it was like I was I was someone else , I think I possibly have a disorder like borderline disorder but i’m not sure, I need to go to a doctor. I’m hopeful maybe because it was like I was some other person and not being malicious on purpose or something maybe we have hope to move on if we both go seperate ways and reconnect after healing? :’(
I’m sorry some of my writing is gibberish, I’m crying right now.
Dina K, did you not read what I wrote? I said we are not and have not been together in a typical relationship, and have not been for a while, and I wanted to know if it was possible to eventually save it AFTER the fact of us both healing. And other things you have said show me you haven’t truly read what I wrote. You really ought to read things before you respond.
*oops I meant, we have been together yes, but not together in a typical way in a while


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