My husband and I have been married for 2 years, together for almost 4. We have a beautiful 2 year old daughter. I sometimes second guess whether he really loves me. He just acts like such an ass sometimes. I feel like he treats me like more of a sister than a wife. Sometimes he makes me feel like Im stupid, and that Im not a good mom, I dont know if he does that knowingly but its just remarks that he makes that make me feel this way. I love him very much but sometimes I wonder if Im holding onto something that is only one sided. We decided to go to counseling a while back but had to stop due to finances, but it seemed like even then he was someone else around the counselor than he is with me. Hes not a bad guy but I just dont know if he loves me. A perfect example is something going on in my life right now. I just found out that I have a rare disease that may cause us to never have kids again and might result in me having diabetes later on down the road, also I found out previous to this a couple days ago that I have to meet with a breast surgeon for a lump in my breast because breast cancer runs in my family, everytime I try to talk with him I feel like he just doesnt say anything then changes the subject. The other night I was talking to him about having another baby and he fell asleep while I was talking to him, then tonight the only thing that mattered was the fact that the poor baby had a bit of a cold, he didnt even care about how I might have been feeling, he’s just so selfish. What am I doing? What should I do???
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This is my second marriage. We have been married a little over a year, and yet I am totally insecure. I’m overweight and so is he, and yes I was overweight when he met me, so it wasn’t like I gained weight once we got married. I also stopped working, (his request) about a month after we got married. And I have not been able to find other work. I have always been a HARD worker and not working has literally destroyed my self esteem.
He was deeply in love with his ex-wife and she really hurt him. It took him a long time to get over her. She has a daughter with another guy, but my husband feels like he is her dad. They talk on the phone often, and he will often talk to the girl’s mother. Although he says the mother disgusts him, and he feels she’s one step above white trash, the fact that he talks to her drives me up the wall. Because I am constantly worried that his old feelings will come back. See, when we first started going together and then got married, he was hardly talking to the daughter or the mom. They were on kind of a "hiatus", I guess because of some kind of difference of opinion. But since we have married he has reconciled with the daughter and they started talking again. And I am constantly worried that he will want to go back with her mom. She was his first serious love, and she works and is much better looking than me. At least I feel she is, my husband disagrees.
He looks at other women a lot. Women that are way better looking than me. But he says looking is all he is doing. Which I believe, but I don’t understand why, because he could literally take his pick. We don’t have sex that often, because he has diabetes and high blood pressure which has caused him to have ED and he is considerably older than me. I’m 39 and he is 50. And for some reason lately, whenever we do have sex, I am worried that he is thinking of her. Or he’s thinking of somebody better looking. Because he couldn’t POSSIBLY be attracted to me. Despite him saying I am the prettiest girl he knows, and that he wouldn’t leave me for her or any other girl I have the hardest time being convinced of this. Why? What can I do to snap out of this?
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My therapist says that it is worthwhile to save abusive 12 year marriage because of the history and we have 2 small kids. I told her that I want to leave and she’s telling me that I am giving up too easily (we’ve only been to her twice). I feel that I can’t take it anymore and it is not worhtwhile to me. I don’t think he’ll really change his core, just his behavior for awhile. I am in so much pain because of his verbal and emotional abuse that I go back and forth from strong to weak like I believe I am a stupid, ignorant, worhtless bitch who should drop dead from diabetes. That my kids are so unlucky to have a mother like me, etc. I have a place to go(my mom’s), until I get on my feet again. He tells me not to say a word about his ‘people’, but they can curse me out and he does nothing and agrees with them . I have to make a decision, but therapist is confusing me. She says he doesn’t really mean what he says he just is acting from his littleness. What do you think? I’m confused!
He has also choked me 3 times in the past(over 5 years ago) and i feel intimidated by him when he’s yelling in my face. Therapist is my individual therapist for 5 months prior and she’s the one who enabled me to grow stronger to be able to leave. noew she’s saying I’m giving up to easy. She has never advised me to leave though.
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