I’m a black male 35 y/o who got divorced seven years ago. I married a woman with two children and had a daughter with her. I worked hard and we moved from federal housing projects into our own home. She never worked more than part time during the marriage. We divorced as a result of her infidelity, multiple times during the marriage with the last one being with a close family member of mine. She got to live in the house rent free for three years afterwards and she got child child support for my daughter also during this time. I had to live with my mother. But I’ve managed to get the house back and now I have custody of my daughter. But what bothers me is because of all the financial stuff and the living situation, I have been unable to date or find a significant other. I’ve been alone for seven years and women have told me that I’m not marriage material because of my finances and the fact that I can’t provide for another family. So as women on this forum, how am I suppose to feel or react? Women’s rights or empowerment has done nothing for me and men like myself. Women who are financially stable or well off say that I’m a downgrade for them. So how am I suppose to feel about this? My ex-wife gets to date and sleep with whomever and here I am lonely night after night. Where’s the fairness and equality in that?
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what is the best way to heal a broken heart? It’s not broken by a guy but by the most important family member who had to leave this country.
So, any good suggestions?
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…and they break up…Do you think that you need to stop talking to them?
My sister in law was going out with my husband and I’s friend (who was our friend before they got together) for a few mths.only a few mths. They move in together and they broke up after a few weeks of living together..seriously less than a month. …yeah I know. They’ve been broken up for about 3 weeks now.
Anyway….our friend has a little girl a little younger than ours. And he invited us up to his house (she moved out since he paid for the whole place) so the girls could play,we could see his new puppy and so my husband and him could pay some new video game..lol. I took pictures of the girls playing and the puppy and posted them to my myspace. I figured our friend could save the pics of his little girl and his dog and have them too. My sister in law posts a myspace status saying "you never know who will stab you in the back,especially family" then her mood said " betrayed" I can only assume she means her brother and I have "betrayed’ her by visiting our friend.
Now we have tried to remain neutral on this thing. really. How can we tell out friend " No…we can’t hang out with you…because of a break up that has nothing to do with us"
She expects "loyalty" from us when she would always send my husband’s ex g/f messages and saying they were going to hang out and stuff. Did I get pissed? No. Because they were friends before I got on the scene…regardless of my feelings for my husband’s ex!!
Now this has only just happened…but I guarantee you it will snowball into something huge. My mother in law who already hates me will take her side and since that’s where my sister in law lives..we will not be able to go over there.
I said to myself "maybe I shouldn’t post these pictures"..but I thought she would mature enough to understand that my husband and I and our friend have a right to hang out with whoever we want and its not OUR fault things didn’t work out between them….
I’m not taking the pics down…that would show that I thought I did something wrong…and I don’t think I did.
thoughts on this situation?? advice?
No he didn’t abuse her. It was just a fight .
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I’v posted a few questions about my husband and I being unable to carry a pregnancy (3 miscarriages, 1 stillbirth in 2 years) and my DR wants me to give up because it is playing havoc on my hormones in my body and she’s concerned about my mental health.
I want to give up too. Adoption is still an option and we are signed up for it and on the waiting list. We still do need to raise a few thousand dollars before we can go onto the next step though, but I’m going to be 40 soon and thinking of shutting this whole thing down.
Many people are saying that in order to save my marriage I should do ANYTHING to get a child, whether its surrogacy, in vitro, (woudlnt work, I can’t carry a pregnancy) or asking a family member to have one for me.
I’m not sure how correct this is…if my marriage is going to fail if we don’t have children, then is it really fair to put the whole success of the marriage on to a poor innocent child?
What do you think?
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I have been married to my husband 10 years this past Aug. In Nov. of 2008 we were having troubles. Not talking or doing things together anymore. He spent more time away from home than with me because we really were just roommates. I felt unloved and not appreciated. He felt neglected and that I didn’t want to be with him anymore. A family member told me that he saw my husband out at dinner with another woman. ( I later found out this was made up and he never did cheat on me) I moved out a week before Thanksgiving. I moved in with a man I had been talking to for about 3 weeks. He told me how wonderful I was and how he worshiped the ground I walked on. We went for coffee and spent time talking and those things my husband stopped doing. I after moving in he told me to get a divorce after the holidays. He had big plans to go to Florida and live in a year or two and he said how wonderful I was and how he wanted to be with me and even that he loved me. After I moved in things quickly started to change, he told me I should stay home and not spend so much time with mother. I was not allowed to go to the store or off by myself. My cell phone call log and text was to be showed to him every night. All the sudden we were not going out every night. He got home at 4pm I got home at 6pm. I was to cook dinner and then clean up the house. Then was to be in bed by 9pm. We became intimate about 2 weeks after I moved in and while it was new and and a little exciting at first, his constant every night wanting it was not the affectionate loving man he said he was, now it was more of a chore. Luckily I stayed kind of sick for a while so that kept him away. I found out he was a heavy drinker too. This is not what he told me. He began working later and getting called in to work at odd times around middle of Jan. Found out later he was starting to hit on another woman. So in Feb. I came home one night and he was drunk and ended up shoving me.Told him my husband never laid a hand on me and he wasn’t going to start. I left the house and called my husband to pick me up a few blocks from the house. We talked things over and he took me back. He apologized and said we would need to see a councilor and work on us if I wanted to come back, which we did. It has been almost a year now and things are going wonderful. We are talking more, we open up easier and its like we are new friends again. But when we were separated I told him things, Like how I was having a great time over there, this new man was so fun and exciting and we had amazing sex every day 2 or 3 times a day. They were not true but I just wanted to hurt him at the time. In counseling he brought them up and I honestly forgot I really said so much, but he felt hurt. I told him it was not true but he said he still thinks about it. He has never asked me for DETAILS about what happened or what we did. I did tell him about the accident though. While over there one night the condom broke on us and I had to go get the morning after pill. ( I was not using anything because my husband had gotten a vasectomy the year before). I felt he had a right to know about that. And now I wonder if I should ask him if he wants me to disclose everything else that happened or not? I think it may bother him, but I didn’t want to hurt him and we have come so far already I would hate open up old wounds. But I dont want him to think I am hiding anything, which I am not. I know what I did was wrong. We should have gone for counseling before I left. I should not have assumed he had cheated on me. I should not have moved in with another man and had sex with while I was still married. But I wish I could help him know how bad I feel. He loves me more than he should and it scares me how much he cares for me. He never once said a bad word or did anything to me after I left. I just feel so much guilt and hope we finally move past this. Our life is wonderful now and we are both working hard, I just wonder if there is anything more I could do to help?
My husband appoligised for his part of our original problems. We always had communication problems both of us. And they eventually caught up with us. The last few months before I left we either didnt talk or when we did it was a fight. So he would come home, get on the computer or watch tv, or go out to his buddies house for 2 and 3 hours. Our not talking caused me to feel unloved, so when we did not make love he was getting more upset as well. It was a cycle of hurt that never ended. I did not intend to move in with the other man right away, he lived next to my brother and I was suppose to stay with him, but when I left my brother said to go ahead and stay next store. I did not have unprotected sex the condom broke. I could not risk having a baby because of my diabetes, thats why my husband had his vasectomy. I know I was wrong. My husband said everyone deserves a second chance, if they are truelly sorry. He is so wonderful and I just want to help him any way possible.
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