My husband is 41 years old, works as an EMT and just recently started back to school to become a Paramedic and refers to this single 20 yr. old girl as his "school buddy". I have never met her but have seen her profile on FB and she is a very attractive girl. My hubby is very outgoing, friendly and yes at times flirty and loves to meet new people and make new friends. I suggested that he introduce her to our 18 year old son and he refused basically saying our son, he has had some problems, needed to grow up first and more or less wasn’t good enough for any of his female friends and he didn’t want it to come back and bite him in the ass if it didn’t work out. He says that their texting and calls are harmless. I had looked at his texts once before a few months ago and saw what I considered to be a suspicious text to a single female co-worker, also in her 20′s, that I do not know. It was a message that read, "Hope you get well soon" with a heart and XOXOXOXO. When I confronted him about it he flipped out and told me it was a joke towards her ’cause she is always whining about no one caring and I was reading something into it that wasn’t there and he thought it was a sweet and considerate gesture on his part and that I had no business going through HIS phone and told me if I didn’t change my attitude it was only going to lead to divorce because he is sick of me being suspicious. When this new girl started texting and I questioned it he told me I might misread something into the messages if I didn’t know what the message was all about and I told him it wouldn’t be hard to find out what they were about if the outgoing and incoming texts were checked, I know stupid on my part. A couple of days ago he told me he had no problem with me going through his phone but when I did he has been deleting all sent and received messages by these other women. We have been together for 14 years, married for 2 1/2, and as far as I know he has never cheated on me. He tells me how much he loves me and I am the only one for him but then when I bring up how much the texting other women, especially young single ones that I do not know, upsets and offends me he tells me I am being ridiculous and I’m just going to have to get over it or I’ll drive myself crazy. He has been my best friend for so long and I am always afraid of someone else taking that away from me. I hate feeling this way and don’t know how to get past it.
He tried to point out that he has just as many male friends that he texts as females. I told him it wasn’t the males I was concerened about and that he spends enough time with these "friends" at work and school and I wouldn’t have a problem with the texting if it was just school or work related but he does not agree. He says he has nothing to hide but the fact that I would even need to check his phone, etc…. proves to him that I don’t trust him. To him it is an invasion of trust and privacy. Just to clarify, I do not have a cell phone, even if I did I would not sit around and text men other than my husband, brother or sons.
Okay, so we got into a heated discussion about this situation last night and I was told that he isn’t screwing around with any of these women so he sees nothing wrong with the texting and calls. I tried to explain to him that I never said he shouldn’t have female friends, he always has and I know that and I can’t control the texting when he is away from home but I hardly get to see him as it is and he is around these other women all of the time whether it be at school or work and I would just appreciate it if the texting would stop when he is at home spending time with me. He says he can’t stop them texting when he’s at home. I told him yes you can, ignore it when they do. Told him that I wasn’t accussing him of screwing around but I know that an emotional relationship between a man & woman can turn into more. He is unwilling to do this. I have basically been told I have turned a molehill into a mountain and my insecurity issues are the problem and I need to learn how to deal with them
