Ive been broken up with my ex for years, to the point when the last time we were officially together we were just kids. I threw out everything that had to do with him, all the pictures, all the notes, all the songs. Now I just feel crazy. I thought all that was the steps you needed to take to make someone go away, to not think about them anymore. It’s like some weird drug, I get this desire to call him up, to go see where he is or what he’s doing. If I ever do get a hold of him, I have this strange happiness for weeks on end.
Alright, so that much I could see someone saying, so go for it. But I have, and it just hasn’t worked out. Sometimes he tells me he feels the same way, sometimes he tells me he’s completely over it and I’m thinking about things long gone. It just sucks. I don’t know anyone in this kinda situation.
We broke up because basically I moved out of town for college. He wasn’t getting a job or doing much with his life. I kinda needed to focus and keep going and was getting brought down. But I mean were older now and he’s got a job and tells me he’s changed a lot,
So anyways here the deal. I tried to get him back, but the fact that I lived so far away was still a problem. He would talk to me for a day, then I’d go out of town and we’d never really get anywhere because either it left off on he loves me or he loves me not. Also, there was an episode about a year or so after the break up where he was doing something similar to me, trying to get me to come back and even break up with a current boyfriend.
It’s really been a mess. I’ve ruined a lot of his relationships and he’s ruined a lot of mine. This has been going on a really long time, and this whole time I’ve been wishing it would just go away. How the hell do you make these feelings go away?
Now, it’s a really big problem for me. After trying to get him back the last time and getting frustrated that it was going nowhere, I finally tried to just accept that it looked like I was alone on this and I needed to move on.
I’m dating this perfect guy who is the best thing ever for me. I’m pretty much always happy, progressive, and feel like I can work really well with the guy. My friends love him, my family loves him, and I love him. But for some really dumb reason I can’t figure out because of the internal WAR going on in my head, I feel the urge to call my ex. It’s probably about once a month at least. Sometimes more or less. But umm…thats KINDA a problem! How can I really, REALLY forget about this guy if nothing works? I tried talking to him about it and accepting it, and still felt the same, throwing all the stuff out, still felt the same, living in a different state, and "time healing" all didn’t work. What the hell? I need someone to exorcise him from my life. Is THAT a possibility?
What this really comes down to for me is logic vs emotion. Logic tells me that I have a damn good thing going, and I’m going to really screw it up and loose someone important to me if I even THINK about my stupid ex. Emotions tell me that I talk to this guy one day and I am glowing for the next two weeks. I get angry when I hear his name, when I hear about love and all that. I get angry and then I call him because I can’t stand it. I seriously blush a little if his shoulder touches mine. But you can’t trust emotions, emotions change. Logic doesn’t change. Somone who is always there for you, always supports you no matter what and WILL tell you how they feel about you is way more important than an old flame who burns away all happiness.
If I weren’t with my boyfriend, I would still be trying to get him back for sure. If I never met him however, I would be the happiest person in the world for sure. I wrote a list of pros and cons to both and it was literally equal. Btw, he has a girlfriend, and what he HAS said to me is basically almost exactly the same as what I’m saying. He loves her and can see marrying her, but he can’t watch love movies with her without getting angry or thinking its stupid.
This is, surprisingly, the short version of this story.
