See, me and this boy lets saay Jayson* dated honestly in 7th & 8th grade, which means I was only 12ish 13ish. But I’ve never been able to get over him :/ He’s been my best friend since, I can tell him everything. The only thing is, he doesnt tell me everything, he KNOWS how I feel, we’ll goof off and I’ll say i hateee him so much(if hes being a jerk) and he’s like NOT UH! YOU KNOW YOU’VE LOVED ME SINCE 7TH GRADE! and hes right, i have. i try to hold it back, but i cry myself to sleep everynight. EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. and this years been the hardest, he moved about 45 minutes away, and goes to a different school, which i thought would be easier, but its not :/ its worse. i text him all the time, and vice versa. i feel like what if this is it, hes my one and only love, what if im never able to get over it. i know is seems a little irrational, but i want him to be my first.. i know that id feel comfortable with him, and honestly it might be the kind of closure i need! i love him with all my heart, ive dated other people but broke it off as soon as they started getting too attatched and wanted more from me. because i never got to the comfort level with them that im at with jayson. for instance i was dating lets say John* and we werent official yet, but on halloween just before jayson moved away, i snuck up to his house and we made out and he did other stuff to me, and i stopped myself because i couldnt do what i wanted to do because i couldnt hurt john. but it would have been perfect :/ i really wish i could have, it was my last chance before he moved, it was his last day in the house, and no one was home, the whole house was packed up, and he just had his mattress in the living room with some sheets and an pillow. i regret not just doing it, because i hate john, he was the biggest jerk ever. but yeah, jayson just ughh, hes not a good guy, hes a BA, gets himself in trouble, drinks smokes, hes been around with a few other girls. i was never jealous of them, or upset with his decisions, ive only ever wanted him to be happy. ive told him how i feel about the drinking and smoking, ive begged him to stop, and he doesnt do it as much, at least if he does he wont tell me, because he knows how i feel about him, and his health. hes only 16 and its awful, honestly i couldnt even teelll you why i feel this way, all i know is i do. its unexplainable, but when you know youre in love.. you just know :/ and it can be awesome, or it can kill you like its killing me. i need help though, i dont know what i should do. ill have my license and a car in just a few months, and i want to see him, and hang out with him and be with him. but idk if itll help anything, or just hurt me more :/ PLEASE HELP ME, and please dont say im too young for any of this, because love has no age. ugh. </3
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