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We’ve had a pretty roller coaster relationship for about 5 years. I’d even call it emotionally abusive in the sense that he was withholding, jealous, and controlling. During our long distance phase he refused to visit me at all (he’s visited me once in all of our 5 years together) and often yelled at me if i accidentally called him at a bad time or would act annoyed that he had to call me.

At the time I thought that was about as good as it could get for me, so I stayed with him, though we’d break up and get back together constantly.

I broke up with him about 6 months ago because I couldn’t take his crappy treatment anymore. I’m currently dating someone else.

The thing is, my ex and I talked a LOT since we broke up, nearly every day (he’d call me). It wasn’t until I started dating this guy that I kind of stopped picking up his calls or calling him back. Usually my ex wouldn’t care but apparently he suddenly decided he wanted me back (again) and started doing his whole guilt tripping emo thing by telling me he wasn’t going to call me anymore so if i wanted to talk to him i had to call him.

I’d call him periodically every few days but he ended up getting super pissed a week later off about this lack of calling and threw a hissy fit, txting me things like “you aren’t worth my time” and “i’m done with people like you”. I’m not sure what his emotional status is right now but he drove down with some friends to where I’m going to school right now and wanted to “spend the night” at my place, to which i told him to gtfo.

ANYWAYS TLDR:

I’m so sick of this vicious cycle. What’s the best way to tell your ex that you just want to be friends without him going apeshlt? I’d prefer not to tell him about this current guy right now in his current state because a) he’ll be horrible about it and b) i don’t even feel like i have an obligation to tell him because he’s never been honest to me about other girls.

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really hope a noble muslim man/woman can help me. i am suffocating in my own guilt and starting to feel suicidal :( :(

i am muslim girl and i have found the man I am going to marry. he is a good muslim man and has brought out a better muslim in me as well..

there is just one BIG problem, i told him i am a virgin, but i have had sex with 3 other men that i was involved with in the past from the ages of 18 -22 years. I was not on the path of islam and strayed badly in my younger years. my guilt is now killing me as i have lied to my future husband, the love of my life – i wish i could turn back time and undo it but i cannot.

i am soo guilty, the thoughts are always in my head, i feel so so low and i always beg allah for forgiveness. now i will never do what i did again, i want to marry, settle down and have a good married life and be a good muslim woman and a muslim wife.

buy i my fiance knows NOTHING – he always says he cannot accept his wife has been with anyone else – he will leave me if i told him about the grave mistakes of my past.

somebody please give me some guidance.. should i leave him?tell him? i do not want to do this as i am fully devoted to him and want to keep my past where it belongs. i dont want it to ruin the right way of life i am about to start.

am i unchaste for him.? i am truely repenting..is this a good enough reason not to tell him anythin and just repent, do tawba and live my future according to the rules of islam

please, please please do reply back to me my muslim brothers and sisters – this feeling inside me just will nto go – i truely know what guilt, regret is, it is eating me up :(
I have always been a muslim from birth, i am not a convert – its just that when i was younger i was doing a lot of gunaah :(

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My step children are hideously selfish and don’t listen to a thing I tell them. They won’t even bathe! They’re 14(boy) and 11(girl). My husband has a passive parenting style. He hates to hear any fussing or fighting and likes to avoid confrontations. He knows that they treat me bad, but he says he doesn’t understand why he lets them do it. He says he just doesn’t know how to make them do the right thing. He’s tried punishment, rewards, and a combination of both. Nothing seems to work. I know that he loves me very much and it bothers him that he can’t figure out how to make the children behave and do as they’re told. He also loves his children, but they are tearing our marriage apart. Anyone have any ideas or have you ever been in this same situation??
A little more info:
We have a two year old daughter together. Mu husband just deployed to Iraq and will be gone 15 months. The mother rarely calls, lives out of state and is schizophrenic . She sees them maybe once every other year. My husband is a good man and a good father to my baby. He carries a lot of guilt about his divorce and the impact it had on his kids. I didn’t mean to make it sound like he was spinelss. I think his passiveness stems more from guilt than anything else.
We’ve been married for about 3 1/2 years.
I tried for the first two years to have some sort of relationship with the two of them. I’ve done things with them/for them, I’m the one who takes them shopping, I’m the one who buys them new clothes, I’m the one who makes their father take them to the library, the park, etc. After two years of doing for them and getting nothing (respect) in return, I stopped doing so much for them. They are just REALLY selfish children who were used to being the bosses and getting what they wanted. I’ve even suggested family counselling, but now that my husband is deployed, it’s too late for that.
Just a little nore in defense of myself: My husband is in the military and he’s not home much. The children are left in my care. I have provided them with structure and activities. It’s easy for a few to point the finger at me and say I’m the one being selfish, but if you any idea how many "talks" the kidsa and I have had about our relationship, you’d understand why, at this point, I’m pulling my hair out. I agree with some of the negative comments. You’re right, I shouldn’t let their behavior bother me, but I don’t know of any way to just "turn off" my emotions when they treat me so badly. Even their father ADMITS that they treat me badly. Again, I have suggested (on several occasions) that we seek family councelling. I work, their father is gone, and I’m taking care of all three children. Is it so much to ask, for them to just follow a few rules? I’ve compromised a lot. I stopped nagging them to bathe, brush teeth, do homework or clean up after themselves!
By the way, Skidoo, my screen name was a joke between my sister and myself. One I’ve had for years. No hidden meaning whatsoever. :)

And for any of you who took offense to the term "demonic step children", come on! It was a phrase to show just how frustrated I am with them! I’ve done more for those two chilldren since I’ve known them than either their real mother or their father. I’ve taught them why they shouldn’t lie or steal, how to have compassion for others, how to take care of themselves, and a lot of other real life skills they need to become productive adults. The issues they have were going on a looooong time before I was ever in the picture. I tried to give them what they needed but they rejected me, so don’t point fingers at me for getting tired of trying to help them when they don’t want or appreciate my help. Sometimes, I think the only ones who really understand are the ones who have walked in my shoes. And some called ME judgemental?

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Walk in the rain, jump in mud puddles, collect rocks, rainbows and roses, smell flowers, blow bubbles, stop along the way, build sandcastles, say hello to everyone, go barefoot, go on adventures, act silly, fly kites, have a merry heart, talk with animals, sing in the shower, read childrens’ books, take bubble baths, get new sneakers, hold hands and hug and kiss, dance, laugh and cry for the health of it, wonder and wander around, feel happy and precious and innocent, feel scared, feel sad, feel mad, give up worry and guilt and shame, say yes, say no, say the magic words, ask lots of questions, ride bicycles, draw and paint, see things differently, fall down and get up again, look at the sky, watch the sun rise and sun set, watch clouds and name their shapes, watch the moon and stars come out, trust the universe, stay up late, climb trees, daydream, do nothing and do it very well, learn new stuff, be excited about everything, be a clown, enjoy having a body, listen to music, find out how things work, make up new rules, tell stories, save the world, make friends with the other kids on the block, and do anything else that brings more happiness, celebration, health, love, joy, creativity, pleasure, abundance, grace, self-esteem, courage, balance, spontaneity, passion, beauty, peace, relaxation, communication and life energy to…all living beings on this planet.
-Bruce Williamson, It’s Never Too Late To Have A Happy Childhood, 1987

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My wife recently found out that I was having an emotional affair with another woman via my blackberry and we are thinking of divorce after 14 years of seemingly a normal up/down marriage.

When she confronted me with this I initially lied but confessed 5 mins later after a wave guilt

Poor decision making on my part as I met the younger woman through my job. We went to lunch three times and shared "how doing" and "whats going with you?" type of text messages over a 3/4 month period. The lunches were 1 group lunch and two lunches by ourselves.

My wife asked why.. and I gave her a very honest response of the different type of attention that I received from this other woman was something new and unexpected. I just liked the attention from this pretty woman and purposely hid this from my wife as I knew it was somewhat wrong.

I was never physical with this other woman but it doesn’t seem to matter to my wife much.. I feel like a total scumbag..

My wife questions my true intentions and doubts that we were not physical..I would doubt the same. .. I’ve lost her trust and friendship an want to try get it back..

Thoughts or ideas would be appreciated from today’s biggest Loser.

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My fiance’ told me last night that he still misses his ex-wife sometimes. This really hurt me due to how difficult our relationship has been from the start. He has pushed me away and pulled me back so many times I thought I was losing my mind. When we first got together all he could do was talk about how horrible she was to him and how happy he was to be away from her. He would always tell me how much better he felt with me. After almost 3 years he no longer feels anything but guilt and sorrow about leaving his old life. I was with someone before him and had a child with the man but I don’t miss him AT ALL. He said he misses her at times when she takes their daughter on a trip somewhere and he isn’t with them like before. I couldn’t believe it. I don’t think he should miss her at all…yes he should miss the time he spent with his child but that is where it should end. I don’t know what to do. He is so insensitive to my feeling and simply can’t understand why this news would hurt me so deeply. Yes, I understand he has a past. Yes, I understand that it can’t be erased but that doesn’t mean he has to miss his past. This whole situation has made me have second thoughts about even going through with marrying him. The mean side of me wants to leave him and say, “GO back to your ex since you miss her so much.” I realize that’s immature but in a way, that’s what he should do instead of hurting me. Right?

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My wife and I used to be very sexually active, and very much "into" each other. About 15 years ago an accident at work hurt her back, and she has had to have several back surgeries. Not much helps the pain, and she is getting worse day by day. We just found out she will need another surgery in a couple months.

I try to help her, god knows I try every day. I feed her, bathe her, rub her back, and adjust her pillows and TV. I cook and take care of the kids. The more pills she takes, though, the witchier, and bitchier she gets. We haven’t been intimate for over 10 years now…

I find myself looking at escort ads online. I even tried one once, the gal just took my money and left when I came out of the bathroom. A barrel of laughs. I understand I took wedding vows, but this isn’t the person I signed up to be with – I’m trying my hardest to be loyal. Please don’t respond with religious guilt, I need no more of that.

I just want to be touched, and loved, so badly…what to do?

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What should I say to get my Girlfriend back?

Very Complexed situation Lots of help please

Where to start. , Well i will explain the details first, I am a 16 year old male turning 17 years old in 9 days, I have fallen in love with a girl named brettney who is 15 turning 16 In may, We Have been dating for 5 months and 3 days, She cut it off due to us not telling each other things anymore but I still want her back, Where things get complexed is that when we stopped fighting She asked me for my facebook password,

And I Gave it to her knowing she is kind of snoopy and she should read some things i dont have the balls to say my self, Me and her broke up after 3 months of dating because i cut it off, I Had guilt the day before ( November 22nd ) was due to me cheating on her, The day before i was bored and on the computer when one of my friends called me and asked me if I wanted to try ecstacy with him,( he had already done it before), The thing is i always wanted to try it, My whole life i had curiousty wanting to know what it feels like, What it does to your body, And how of course how sex would feel,

I met my friend about an hour and a half after we met, He gave me a “Pink PlayBoy” to take and i took it, I was expecting results instalntly but i told him i wasnt feeling anything about 30 minutes later, He gave me anouther one, It took about 20 minutes after to kick in, I was with a bunch of people at the time, Close friends, Friends, And girls i have never met before, When i started to feel the high It seemed like the most amazing feeling in my life, I couldnt even speak properly due to my mouth was clenching. I was becoming so Horney that I really needed to Do something to satisfy what i was feeling at the moment so I started paying more attention to one girl, Asked her for a kiss on the cheak, Held her hand,And Made out with her. It ended up to Where i realized i could not go home because my parents would catch me so i asked to stay at her place, She then Gave me head when we reached to her house and I spent that night there, When i woke up I broke up with my girlfriend because I felt so bad, And after breaking up with her i spent a week trying to get back with her,

Time passed and passed until she read those messages which was exactly 4 days ago, I wish i had never done ecstacy because first of all, I used to live in edmonton alberta, now im living in Chile in south america, I moved because after that first time i got a mental addiction to ecstacy, espcially since i got it so cheap i could manage to do it every day, In that past while, Ive been hiding to my Ex girlfriend that i was doing ecstacy and i cheated on her, For the first time in her life she cried over me, I really need help because i know alot of people are going to be saying, ” You dont love her ” and **** like that but i really do, She is the one that got me out of alot of my problems with my parents, she never influenced me for anything, She was i must say the only person that isnt family related i can say that really loved me, If it wherent for my “friends” Influencing me to do that **** it would never have happened, I have never cheated on her Sober, And i dont know what to do, I know who to blame and that is ME+FRIENDS, If it wherent for me being so Acceptave of that Crap non of this would have happened i would still have friends and live in the same country and have my girlfriend,

I need a way to Get her back, I really do miss her, I have quit all my drugs and drinking, I just really need help on what to say to get her back, If anyone knows how to or what to say please Try, And Write it as a first person message or soemthing please, I really do not wanna lose her,

Please, Thank you

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A wonderful guy and I were going out for a little while, but then for some reason I just sort of freaked out and dumped him abruptly. Even I’m not sure why. Now every time I bump into him (which is several times a day, ugh) I feel so horrible for treating him like that, and I can’t believe I gave up on the great thing we had. I am definitely starting to have second thoughts.

The problem is, well, I have several problems. First, I’m not entirely sure whether I really want him back, or whether it’s just guilt hitting me like a ton of bricks. How do I tell?

Second, is it even within my rights to ask him to take me back? I feel like I don’t even deserve to ask anything of him after how nicely he’s treated me through all this and how much of a ***** I’ve been to him.

Third, if I do decide to ask him to give me another chance, how do I go about it? What on earth can I say??

I would love some advice from people who have been on either side of this situation before — Dumpers, how did you get your loved one back? Dumpees, can you give me perspective on how he might react?

Thanks a ton! ^_^

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There is love between us, but their is also hurt and anger. We care about each other deeply but I do not know the best way to get him back. I have said enough, he knows how I feel and I have changed I am sure he can see that, I do need to work on a few more things as does he. Neither of us cheated on one another we do have a young child together. Just need some kind and appropriate, mature advice please.

We are going through a divorce it has been almost 2 months since the papers were served (by him). We have not stopped communicating and are now talking about reconciling. He is being open to it, but needs time. We spend 2 -3 days together a week having dinner doing family things but are not being physical and are staying at different homes. He has suggested spending time together again this would be the fourth day together. Just not sure what to do from here.
I would love to go to couple counseling and I have suggested going to church. I have been going with our child consistently since this happened and it has helped tremendously. He has told me he is not ready for either one yet, I know he is worried about how it will make him feel or what they will say. I am starting to believe he may have some feeling of guilt and is worried counseling or church may add to those feelings. I have asked, and have asked him to go to church last weekend and tomorrow. He has said he will think about it and may go each time, who knows maybe he will go tomorrow morning with us. But all I can do is ask and do not want to force it and make him feel cornered.
The seven answers I have received so far are wonderful, thank you. I hope someone else can read these answers and benefit from them as well.

Thanks Again.

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My ex and I broke up a little over 3 months ago in September. We were together for 1 yr and 3 months. We have been through a lot in that time though. We technically traveled the world together as she studied in France while I studied in Spain. Our split was mainly because there was a lot of pressure from our relationship because it progressed faster than we had planned and felt like we were very involved in each others lives. I guess you can say to a point where the appreciation and excitement of one another was losing its spark. Also the distance wasn’t helping when we were away from each other during our school semesters. Anyways when we broke up she studied one more semester abroad in Italy and I was here in the U.S. I stopped contact with her during the three months because I didn’t want to push her away by possibly making her feel any guilt from the separation and which I also thought was the best move for me regardless. During the 3 months I have not thought about her that much really and have been going out and enjoying the single life as you may say. Been able to move on from this instead of moping and feeling depressed from it, which I know I should of been doing anyways. So I have been fine and I know she had been fine especially being away from home.

Now she had come back home a couple weeks ago and I have seen her for the first time. I was very very happy to just see her and I had missed her very much. We got together a couple times just to catch up a little bit. One of the last times we had spoke, we kind of just spoke about how our relationship was before and how things may have been the cause of our separation. However I had asked the question of her possibly dating me again sometime in the future and she said maybe but that she wasn’t sure and that she has been happy being single. But our conversation got cut off after that cause we both had places to be at. A few days later I was invited by one of her best friends to her best friends Birthday Party. I had attended with a couple of my friends that they knew and we hung out with them and had a good time for the most part. For me it was the first time I had really felt the feeling again of really missing being her Man/ boyfriend and it was starting to kill me. I didn’t really interact with her too much that night but my friends had more than me. At the end of the night when I said goodbye I told her that she looked great and that it was nice seeing her. And she then informed me that she was wearing the dress that I had bought her before. Then we had a big hug and then an unexpected almost near kiss goodbye. Really wanted too but didn’t think it was right to. But my friends were all saying that they saw something that night. Maybe little indications of interests still there.

The next day I tried seeing if she wanted to hang out later that night. First she wasn’t able to do anything cause she had things to finish up and wasn’t sure if she felt like going out. Then I had mentioned that she should let me take her out once. After that she had said that our conversation that we had before the other day had gotten cutoff and that maybe we should get together and talk about it. So I said sure and then she asked to meet her at like a starbucks. Then before I was on my way she had mentioned that she didn’t want to leave the house and if I wanted to just go over her house instead. So I did. We spoke about what was going on between us and I guess you can say that she has been happy being single and isn’t quite looking to be in a relationship, however we had agreed to "Date" each other though. She admitted that being back home, that it is weird not hanging out with me when she is home or getting back from work and what not. Now she said she was afraid to go through with just dating because she thought that I wouldn’t be able to just date. However I felt like there was more to it than just being worried about me. But I’m unsure. So I guess you can say that we are technically dating now. We have hung out only a couple times now but when we do it feels just like how it used to be before when we were together. And I feel she tries to hold herself back at times but then she can’t at times as well and just goes with it. However we still now kiss each other at times and it seems cool for the most part. But for me I’m starting to feel the feelings that I once had for this girl. I loved her very much and I still do love her. Now I feel stuck in my head and what to think. I want to be back with her but at the same time I have no clue on how she feels because its like mixed signs.

My friends have told me that I am in a good spot and that I shouldn’t be worrying because they feel that she might be having similar feelings as well but she may be afraid from it as well. I just don’t know what to do and how I might be able to go about to possibly getting her back. I need some help, advice, something. If some of y’all can help me that would be great. It’s just tha

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just had a 2 yr relationship breakup, she cheated on me and i found out, i love her so much but i dont want her back as hard it is, im trying my best to accept it but its soo hard…she wants me back but i thnk its all out of guilt becuz i caught her. its an ongoing thing they had and not just a one niter thing..had she had come clean, i wud of forgiven her but it tuk for me to catch her..and she lied to me evertime i asked whether she was hiding anything from me..i didnt know wat else to do.
we’re just playing the blame game atm and ive asked her to gimme time to think whether i want to give it another try, after all 2yrs is along time. deep down inside tho, i know that i cannot be with someone like that depsite how much i miss her, its hurting me real bad. i thnk she knows it too now that its over becuz its been 2 weeks since i told her i needed time.i want to get over this quick, can anyone sugest wat they’vfe done, how to meet other pipol (women), wat sites etc.? what activitie

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I had been in love with my boyfriend for more than 6 years. he had also been my childhood pal, and more then love there was this feeling that i cant describe when i was with him.
then one day he died in an accident, and i was the last person he ever spoke to. Its been nearly 4 years now, and i have shed enough tears that it seems i don have any left to cry anymore.
the pain of that memory lingers on and on, and i have tried my best to put this behind me, but i cant, it raises its head in all depressing situations. I have strange feelings of guilt that may be i could have foreseen it somehow and stopped it..
Now everybody wants me to get married but i really dont know if i can ever love again. how can i put this behind me ?
thanks.
My heartfelt THANK YOU for all who have responded.

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My husband has said he thinks he might have married me out of guilt. We had a child prior to marriage. He doesn’t know if he loves me or wants our marriage to work. How can we rejuviante our marriage and work through his feelings to save our marriage???

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A Parent’s Love

When you cannot change the inevitable, you get desperate. When you know the inevitable was something that could hurt your mommy and daddy, you get scared. When you’ve only lived for five years, you tend to wonder why the inevitable is, in fact, the inevitable.

Her parents were not perfect, and she was okay with that. She was prepared to see her mom cry those wishing tears. Those drops of pain always touched Mollie’s delicate soul. Among those dark, ageless nights, Mollie’s mother would watch her little girl sleep silently, happily. Tension had filled the entire household by now, but when the parents entered Mollie’s room, they entered with a smile; with a glimpse of hope.

Her father was just as to blame as her mother. The way he tortured his wife with his angry words was painful, but the way he exclaimed them was even more haunting. Mollie realized her father was hurting, perhaps more so than her mother. He would not communicate his hurt, his guilt, and his emotions. They were bottled up, waiting to be lashed out.

The pressure to live together did not help the declining turmoil of their relationship. It most likely contributed to it. Should they stay together for the acceptance of family? Should they put aside their own lives for their daughter’s? Everything and anything came up in those late-night disagreements.

“Jim, how could you separate this family? You can never be content with what you have! Our little, precious daughter is the only thing that keeps us together. Our love has died! Gone! Dead!”
Deanna focused on her words, hiding the need of breathing. She then trembled as she gasped for air, trying to satisfy the burning sensation within herself. Of course, like every other night, the air never satisfied. Oxygen could never heal the pain of falling out of love.

“Me!? Me?! You do not have the right to blame all this hell on me! I am the mere product of your insecurities, your manipulative ways of thinking that I am not faithful! That is all I am! This marriage is killing me more than it’s killing you! You are a hy-po-crite!”
The way Jim spoke had hurt far worse than the words itself. His voice spoke hate, fear, and death. His heart was dying, and his life was nothing. He worked everyday, paid the bills, and tried to avoid the existence of his wife. Mollie was all he had, and all that could save him.

The night ended like any other night. They separated, one sleeping upon the couch and one claiming the queen-sized bed. You would have thought Virginia would be a pleasant place to raise a family, but the upcoming divorce ruined all peace and happiness. The setting of this story is at the arrival of autumn season. This season is when the crisp leaves of red and yellow collapse onto the ground, and when the little patches of grass hang onto dear life and existence; not knowing that within nine months life would revive. Autumn was a time of harsh breezes and charming, peaceful nights. Maybe this family could find tranquility amongst the bitterness.

This young couple was, in fact, in love at some point. They had never even thought of themselves to become an arguing pair. Deanna and Jim were pretty typical in the dating scene. They started off as friends, then rapidly falling in love, and soon to get engaged. Marriage came about, and within the first year of matrimony, their lovely Mollie was born to the once happy couple.

I guess you could say that all these fights started when Mollie was two, after Jim came home late one night. No one knows why Deanna did what she did, but it could not be erased. She had thrown numerous accusations at her husband, and most were, soon to be found out, false. Though Jim had never let it go.

After this scandal of lies, Jim had accused Deanna of many things. We could go on all day about these fights and dishonesty, but to be entirely truthful here, the only thing that matters in this particular story is the present. This is how divorce arrived into the mind of little Mollie Lynn.

The remaining weeks of September were rather unchanged. Mollie’s parents have pushed limits beyond compare and began to wonder how much longer each person can survive. Mollie, on the other hand, has begun to construct a new mindset.

“Billy, if my mommy and daddy loved me, would they stop hurting each other?” Mollie asked quite simply, quite honestly. Her pale, fragile face stared longingly at Billy King; her only friend. Billy King was just five years old, like his friend, and he was rather intellectual, or so everyone claimed he was. Mollie had learned to put a lot of trust in Billy- he had never hurt her, unlike her parents.

“Well, I dunno. They should… my mommy and daddy yell but they don’t do what your mommy and daddy does.” Billy nodded, agreeing with himself whole heartedly. He had decided on the idea that if someone loves you, then they would do everything in their power to not hurt you. This was the exact opposite of what his f

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