Hiya. Um, bit of a long story.
Basically, I met this guy online back in about…March 2008? He owns this forum and we didn’t talk very much until it was his birthday in June, I made him a youtube vid just saying "Happy birthday =D" and stuff, I didn’t really think anything of it until he commented on it and said that I looked nice and thankyou very much. I don’t know what happened but I suddenly found myself blushing like mad. As the days went on, I became more and more attached to him, I don’t know how it happened, but I couldn’t stop thinking about him and suddenly found myself falling in love. I *knew* it was love as I hadn’t felt as strong as this about my previous relationships. I asked him if he would like to meet up at the end of July and he came down here for the day. He lives in London and I live in Peterborough. The train Journey isn’t too bad, it’s just that it costs alot. I’m having my driving test soon so hopefully I can pass that and it would cut down on having to use public transport.
Anyway…When he came down, we just clicked, everything was PERFECT. His kisses were the best and he had such nice hugs. We had a chat about whether to move into a relationship but he sad "I’d love to ask you out but I’m not sure…" He’d previously been in a LDR with a girl who lives in America, they never met but it ended with a bit of a bang because of the distance. I feel that from what he has told me about his previous LDRs has knocked his confidence in them. I have had quite a lot of LDRs myself, except for my last one. I tend to feel quite comfortable with LDRs because it’s really exciting going to see someone after a time.
Anyway, he also wanted to keep what we had secret online. He didn’t want his ex to find out who is also on the forum we talk on, he thought that it would hurt her so I was like "Fair enough" even though it hurt me so much. But, I was happy that I could still act like a couple with him, even if it was secret.
However, this weekend, I went to a convention in London to meet up with him for the second time, and I met with some forum friends aswell. It was really good and I was allowed to stay at his house over night and travel back home on sunday.
When we were at his, we began acting like a couple again and were kissing but then he paused to say something like "I’m not sure whether to go any further" and I replied "Whatever you want, I want". He said he would like to stop and I accepted that (he is a Christian, so, his thoughts on intimacy are slightly different to mine). But then we went into a very detailed and in-depth discussion about us. We started talking about school and what comes after that. We have this year left at school and then he goes off to University, I am not going myself. He said after Uni he has another course in order to get the career he wants. He also said "apparently you find the one at University". And I have to admit, when Uni comes into the picture, most LDRs break apart, it happened to my brother.
Anyway, he said he wasn’t sure about us dating because he will be in education for so long and it would take a while for us to be able to move to the same location together. He went on to explain I was worth everything and I was too good for him but because of Uni and the distance, we should move on. That included stopping the kissing and intimacy when together and also how we act online together. This broke my heart, I was fine hanging onto what we had even though it was secret…he said that we were neither commited nor non commited which I agreed with, but I don’t want to look for anyone else, I want to wait for him…am I sounding too desperate? I truely would do *ANYTHING* to have him. I even went to Church with him and his family in the morning. It actually taught me a good lesson, but I won’t go into that.
I need some advice, please can you help me? It’s tearing me apart. It all feels like a bad dream. When I’m with him, I just feel so happy, we get on so well like we’ve known each other 5 years even though we’ve met twice.
Thanks,
Kat xox
