What do you do when ex won't communicate regarding children?

My ex and I split up four years ago after I caught them cheating. We have both moved on, however have a 5-year-old that we have joint custody over, although I’m the primary residence parent. In the past year they’ve threatened to challenge for custody a number of times, however backed down because they wanted to focus on their newborn. Since the birth of their new son they have indicated that they will no longer be accepting emails from me, but will talk about issues via the phone. Months ago I told them that I didn’t want to discuss issues over the phone because we weren’t communicating well, and email would allow us to be clear and straightforward. Also I wanted a record of the discussion and decisions made, so that they couldn’t say they’d said one thing, when they’d really said another, which they have a history of doing. Now we’re at an impasse as talking to them over the phone is stressful as they tend to get argumentative which solves nothing. I’m passive by nature, however want what’s best for my son. I’ve made it clear it was for health reasons I wanted to move to the email forum rather than over the phone, as the stress was aggrivating a medical condition, however they have ignored my concerns … as they have ignored serious issues such as vaccinations, using untested medications on my son against my will, and other health issues. How do I co-parent with someone who’s refers to medical and educational issues as "trivial issues" that cause them "needless stress?"
Actually I’m a guy … it’s the mother who cheated … twice … initially we weren’t sure my son was mine … then again a year after he was born … the new hubby is the second man she cheated with … they’ve decided together they will not accept any emails for the foreseeable future … my girlfriend keeps pushing me to talk to my lawyer … but I’ve put it off because I don’t want to rock the boat and I think it’s important for him to have access to his mom … that said, it’s getting to the point where if we can’t coparent than one of us should have final decision making power … if only for my son’s best interest!
I’m thinking it may be easier to simply buy a recording device and inform her that I will be recording phone conversations from now on to protect my own interests if we go to court. That way she’s informed about it so it’s legally admissible, and she gets her way regarding the email ….



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What would do if forced to live with someone you couldn't stand and moving out was not an option?

About nine months ago, I became my mother’s caregiver. Everything was going fine until January, when my mother announced a foster child she had raised was coming home for a "visit". I begged my mother not to let her come because 1) I am not particularly close to any of my foster siblings 2) I didn’t want my peace and quiet disturbed by a third person in the house 3) I didn’t want anyone getting in my way as I tried to take care of Mom and 4) I didn’t trust that this was just going to be a visit.

Of course, I turned out to be correct. Shortly after she returned, my foster sister announced she was pregnant (which is why she came back for her "visit"), with no job, no education, no money, and, as far as I can tell, a baby "daddy" who really doesn’t give a crap about her (not that I blame him). It is now April, and she has parked herself comfortably in the house. It annoys me every time I have to look at or listen to her. It is real aggravation to know she’s stuck in the house and there isn’t anything I can do about it. My mother claims my sister plans on leaving once the baby is born, but I don’t believe that for a second. Where is she going to go wtith no job, no education, and no money?
I am 38 years old, male, and resent being in this position. I could easily put my mother in a nursing home and move out but I love my mother too much to do that. I could hire a professional caregiver and move out, but I would still feel as if I were abandoning my mother out of anger. My mother has had some health issues over the past few years. There is the possibility she will pass away and I would then be able to kick my foster sister out, but I do love my mother and would rather not anticipate that "resolution". Here are a list of reasons why I can’t stand my foster sister:

I’m 38 years old. About nine months ago I moved back home and became my mother’s caregiver. My parents raised three foster children. In January, my mother moved one of those foster children (now age 25), back into the house. I really, really can’t stand this chick and my mother is constantly arguing with me, trying to get me to explain why I don’t like my foster sister. My premise is that as a grown 38-year-old man, I am entitled to my likes and dislikes without explaining them to my mother. Here are the reasons why I can’t stand my foster sister, whom I will call "C".

1) She’s pregnant with her fourth child and no husband.
2) She is the kind of woman who has different children by different fathers.
3) She’s a major freeloader.
4) When she moved back in, she took over a wing of the house that gave her four rooms to herself.
How many rooms does one non-rent paying person need??
5) She has a loud, ghetto way of talking.
6) She is one of these people who is ALWAYS on the house phone (and of course doesn’t help to pay the phone bill).
7) Everytime my mother calls me, "C" comes running. Doesn’t "C" know what her name is?
8) She is interfering.
9) She walks around acting as if the house belongs for her. For instance, the other day the landscaper was picking avocado off the tree in the back yard. I always let the guy takes as much as he wants, but I heard her loudly telling him not to pick too much. WTF? Who the eff is she? I happen to know I will be the sole heir after my Mom goes, so this chick is setting herself up for a rude shock if she thinks this is "her" house.
10) She has no house key, and whenever she comes home she likes to stand at my bedroom window shouting at the top of her lungs for me to let her in. OMG it will be such a sweet day when I can tell this chick to get out of MY house and never come back.
11) My mother is incontinent and I need to do her laundry daily. My foster sister will take clothes out of the machine, throw them willy nilly, or just meddle with the way I have things organized. If I had my way, I would tell that non-rent paying chick to go to the laundry mat. But then if I had my way, she wouldn’t be living here at all.


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What do we need to do to prepare for parenthood?

How much money do I need to save, what kind of insurance should I have, what health issues do I need to work out, etc. And most importantly, what kinds of questions do we need to talk about first? There’s all kinds of books preparing people for marriage, but for parenthood – there’s so little!
I’m also interested in books of questions for couples preparing for childhood, like approaches to discipline, money, friends, school, religion, etc.


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