I was a late bloomer, and new even younger I was inquisitive, adventurous yet cautious and no where near ready to get married, in addition when I was 35 I had the blessed opportunity to have my aging mom come & agree to live with me & became the best friends we had ever been, & I was able to return the help, love and loyalty she gave me as a kid and on. I met a man two years later, after she passed, very laid back but friendly (German) and I am Greek. He was a polite slow starter to our friendship, had been married 25 years and wife left after last kid left the house. Later I found out she also expressed what was wrong, and by the time we met two year after their divorce, she was making attempts to declare interest again..maybe from guilt, maybe from second guessing her decision, conscience, or just making sure she did the right thing. By this time my husband had made a decision as we were progressing that I was the one he wanted to pursue.. So he did and in time after not much responding to her as I said to him her interruptions were unwelcome, either tell her you are seeing someone, it’s too late, and stop or I told him go and try again and be sure. Hence we are married. He really pushed to be married fairly soon. He did everything right that I saw and was responsible. He didn’t want to wait. I lost my head. He wooed me, dined me, called me, couldn’t keep his attentions or (later) stop from kissing and holding me, and even when I asked for us to slow the physical down he did so without hesitation until we married. He is a good man. The day we married HOWEVER and forward he (I believe got suddenly confused) I guess. We just married in a church, two witnesses and that’s it. I was disappointed he wanted no wedding or never considered it would be special and a welcome memory for me to make an effort to have something more special, but he was in such a hurry.. and said he had the "big wedding" and were were both older and it costs money (I agreed), so we didn’t. I would be okay today with this if all had not changed the day we married. We had 5 minute s-x and went to Cracker Barrell for lunch. He was cold. His family was upset, though they and we are fine now, he was unhappy, he would not touch me and I was lucky to see 5 minute s-x once a month, I asked him two weeks into the marriage waht’s going on and that I needed him.. he said absolutely nothing and left for work. Time would lapse and he wouldn’t notice, I had addressed it many times and that one of the things that drew me two him was when I asked what he wanted out of his marriage if done again.. he said someone who likes to have s-x AND communication. To date he rarely does either. Two months into it I told him clearly I noticed and asked if he did, & he clammed up. Later I asked him most difficult questions -
If he was happy; he shook his head no; If he wanted to be married – he shook no; If her wanted to be
married to me – shook no; If he wanted to be married to me the next 30 years – shook no; If he loved or was in love with me – he shook no. It was 2 am when I asked those tough questions – tough for me to ask and tough for me to hear. Since, then he thought I would surely throw him out. I did not. He said he didn’t know why he felt that way but thought of me as a sister and didn’t have s–x—l feeling at that time and asked me to give him time. I did. We are good friends, we joke,I love him, take care of him – one of the things he did though for months early in this short year though, was point out all the things we didn’t have in common. In sort of a poking sarcastic way. Though I asked him later on to stop and he did, the lack of passion that was missing has taken a toll on me. It sunk in after awhile and really hurt me. I kind of had a delayed reaction to how he initially felt. We both believe in Jesus, and am sure that is what glues us at this point. He has never acted like he is in love with me since we dated, and changed "the day of marriage". It feels horrible. I asked him if he was just staying because he didn’t want another failed marriage, or just wants a companion, or why?
He said he loves me was his answer, but I have not seen one passionate romantic gesture or outing where he clearly means physical busniess. I used to have to ask and initiate sex and told him later on I do not want to anymore, but it is hard, and now I have lost so much interest. He doesn’t have his hands on me and want me like he used to during dating, it isn’t like he always was this way. He was respectful but very different. I have mentioned 3 or 4 times this year.. that I need physical affection and to see and hear he wants me and show it, He has become so reserved and mechanical when we are together. He tries. I can tell, but something is stopping him. He has relaxed much and we joke and eat out. I am the same weight I was when we dated and married.
I tell him I love him he tells me, but all the sexy texts and passion left – WHERE DI IT GO? He won’t open up
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