My husband and I have been married for 18 years and just recently I felt a distance and I confronted him about it, come to find out he says he loves me doesn’t want anything to happen to me kind of love wants to still be in the same house for the kids sake tells me he has felt this way for probably 3 years now but is tired of lying to himself and to me he cries says he doesn’t want to hurt me and that he doesn’t want to feel this way but he don’t know how to get it back he says he crings when I touch him and that the only time he feels close to me is when he is horney and we make love but once were through its back to disgust I have noticed that the nights we make love he wakes me up in the middle of night talking to me being intimate telling me he wants and needs me but then when I talk to him about what he did he doesn’t remember it and were back to the distance again he tells me I need to make him fall in love with me all over again. Can anyone help? Its killing me
everyone has to know the reason I say 3 years it was about that time that I cheated on him which I horribly terribly regret because it was a huge mistake he told me he thinks that that is what this is steming from feeling he was 2nd best he took me back and we went on with our lifes he really is sincere in his words when he tells me he doesn’t want to feel this way he wants to love me he wants to be loved he just don’t know how to get back and he don’t know if it will ever come back he wants me to find myself, be happy, don’t push and maybe it will bring the feeling back
and what I don’t understand is the middle of the night intimacy thing, where is that coming from I mean I swear he truly talks to me likes he is awake. Example: This happened last night he told me how badly he wanted me and needed me and that he didn’t want anyone else to ever feel this. I truly believe there is no one else because it seems this is tearing him apart as well and no he doesn’t want to go to counseling he said how is talking to someone going to make him love me again
and just so everyone knows he says its definately not me as far as the way I look actually I have lost so much weight because of this he tells me he can tell me he loves me act like nothing has happened but he says I’m beautiful but he doesn’t want to get me false hope
Now this should sound like a soap opera:
I picked up a telephone call at home and a lady said "did you know that your wife has been cheating on you for years?" She gave me the name + phone of the guy and said the rest is up to you to find out. I was in shock, so I broke the rules of confidentiality at home and installed a Keylogger in our Computer. My wifes mails confirmed that she had an affair that lasted for 2 years (she 36, he 25), but was over for a year or so since she found out that she was just one of several girls he dated.
The funny thing is, she seems to be obsessed with this guy, looking every day at his pictures in hi5, trying to interfere with his love affaires and even buying a book "how to get back with your ex".
Well, I confronted her, told her all I knew and that I had also spoken to the guy and guess what she answered:" Cheating would have been if I had been with both of you at the same time." True, she broke intimacy with me 3 years ago … but I feel very bad now
My therapist diagosed my ex boyfriend with narcasstic personality disorder. That explains why he could abruptly leave the relationship with no remorse. (I had began to assert myself- I am tired of doing your housework, I want to watch 1/2 of tv of what I want after 6 hours of your stuff, I want intimacy and to be respected) I know that I am better off with him out of my life but I feel betrayed hurt and like I lost myself. (He had me ignoring my life that I had before i met him)
By the way – he broke up with me in the most humilating of ways but still wants to be friends so he can do things with me. He expresses no remorse over the relationship- not even mentioning good times. he only wants to talk if I am praising him (about a lie) but never wants to address what went wrong
I’ve been dating someone for 4 months, everything has been smooth, easy and wonderful. A lot in common. Same morals, blah.. blah.. blah. He’s recently divorced (I know, my 1st mistake) and has a child with her. This is the 2nd time she had left him, filed for divorce this time. Told him that she felt no compassion for him on their honeymoon that he went through a lot to plan out and make special. No intimacy between the 2 before she left the 1st time and certainly not the 2nd. She now tells him she wants another chance, he has since told me that he isn’t considering her, that I’m everything he’s ever wanted and have made him happier than he’s ever been, I’ve done nothing wrong and I’m a wonderful person, BUT… he needs some space. He feels lost and empty. Doesn’t know if he can love again. Wants time alone to work on himself, get his head back on straight. Hasn’t called me since. Is he contemplating her? Or did he get scared? Will he be back or do I need to move on?
My wife and I have been together for 8 1/2 years. The first couple years sex was great. We have 2 kids now and as time’s past, her interest in sex has vanished. For a while she would say that she just got tired early and asked me to help out with stuff around the house. Over the years, I’ve started taking on more and more to help around the house. I do laundry, grocery shop, manage the finances, cook great dinners, help with the kids, clean up around the house, do the dishes… I try to help with everything. Now that she doesn’t have such a huge workload at home, nothing has changed. She says she just doesn’t want it. She is a beautiful woman. I tell her all the time. I compliment her eyes, smile, hair, body, everything. I stay home so she can have girls nights out. I’m romantic. I buy her flowers and candy. I surprise her with little things with special meaning. I put a lot of thought into what I do for her to make it special, just because. I stay in great shape. I workout often an make sure I dress well for her and smell nice. Sometimes I even wait until she’s on her way home to shower just to make sure I smell a good as possible. I don’t get it. I don’t ask much of her. Not anymore. I help her with everything or just do it myself so she doesn’t have to. All I ask of her is love and affection and intimacy. I believe sex is a strong bond and is needed in a healthy marriage. I can’t just ask her to lay down and take it either. I can’t do it if she doesn’t want it. I feel bad. I want the moment to be shared. What can I do? I love my wife. I know I’m a good husband. I’m not going to look for it somewhere else. I would never cheat on my wife and "taking it into my own hands" doesn’t do it for me. It may help with the urge at the moment, but doesn’t hold me over long. I want to make love to my wife. We’ve had great times in bed. I try to make sure she enjoys it. Help please. I don’t know what to do. This has been my issue with our relationship for years. I’ve corrected a lot of the issues she’s had with me. Any suggestions/input?
We are both 27 years old. I still act like a man. I just added more to my daily list. I still have a man’s humor. Still watch sports all the time. Still have a strong testosterone. I still act like a man. I just have a sensative side and like to make the people around me happy. I don’t act like a woman. I just respect them and don’t pull the "that’s women’s work" card. Men should help out. She works late (until around 6:30, so I make dinner because the kids need to eat at a reasonable hour). I don’t come up "short" by any means. I know I’m above average in size.
He won’t divorce me. I filed out of frustration and never followed up with courts. He is a great father, great provider for me and kids. He won’t answer my questions about why this happened to us. He say’s if he wanted to file for divorce he would. He is really respectful to me without having any sex or intimacy. He shows up for family gatherings then leaves and spend his nights with her!
FYI: married 9yrs his affair has been going on over 2yrs
Me and my ex still act as a couple, just without that level of intimacy. And to be honest I miss that. I miss being able to hold her hand and feel her arms wrapped around my chest. im willing to do anything to get her back. she truly is my first love.
My wife has decided we are done and wants a divorce we still live together but there is no intimacy she treats me indifferently or ignores me, i have tried to just carry on and to change all the things that bothered her before. i have used the 180 techniques doing totally different things instead of my usual response but she is in complete lock down and will not discuss anything with me. she says she is not interested in counseling at all and will not even consider it, i have no money to spare so the tempting marriage coaches i see online for 0 for 5 sessions are way out of reach i cannot even afford the divorce busting books. we still sleep in the same bed but in separate blankets she also keeps telling me she has not felt the same about me since our first son was born now aged 3 1/2 we have another boy on the way due in a few months i do not want to loose my kids they mean everything to me not to mention i love this woman with my entire being.
There are plenty of relationship problem advice and techniques you can use when it comes to fixing a broken relationship and bring the intimacy back. Many people begin to feel that the intimacy levels in their relationships begin to fade over time. They mistakenly believe this means the love is gone, but the truth is that all relationships develop into a pattern of habits and rituals that can often make people feel more like roommates than lovers.
Instead of giving up on your relationship, try using some relationship self help techniques to bring the intimacy levels back to where they were when you first met.
1. Small Talk
Research has shown that couples who engage in regular small talk will experience less arguments and fights throughout their relationship. Connective small talk doesn’t mean bombarding your partner with an hour-long diatribe about every single thing you did during the day.
Small talk is simply sharing opinions or observations from things you did through your day. It also means learning to avoid mono-syllable responses and actually showing a bit of interest in what each other is saying. Ask questions and respond to your partner with positivity.
2. Eye Contact
How many times do you really look your partner in the eye when you talk together? As relationships progress, many people tend to look in the direction of their partner’s eyes, but they don’t make eye contact.
When you first met, eye contact would have been high. Humans react to eye contact as being a positive way to build intimacy. As you become more familiar with each other, this decreases over time, which also leads people to believe the intimacy is dying.
3. Non-sexual Physical Contact
Learning to touch your partner and encouraging them to touch you too in non-sexual ways can help to increase intimacy. Give your partner a hug without expecting it to lead to anything further. Offer your partner a back massage or a foot rub and don’t have an ulterior motive. Hold hands when you’re out together. These simple forms of physical contact re-establish a level of intimacy and trust in each other that can be very effective relationship self help techniques.
4. Appreciation
Instead of focusing on the things that annoy you about your partner, try focusing on the things you appreciate about them instead. There must be things about your partner that attracted you to them originally, so spend some time each day focusing on the positive things and don’t waste time concentrating on the annoying traits that everyone has anyway.
5. Time Out
Far too many couples fall into a pattern of trying to spend all of their time with their partner. They begin to feel as though their partner is somehow deserting them if they want to spend a little time doing something without their significant other. While it’s normal to enjoy each other’s company, it’s also important to remember that everyone needs a little time out occasionally.
This could be something as simple as going out for a meal or a movie with friends or a coffee with the girls. Research shows that many couples improve their relationships when they display trust and encourage each other to spend a little time doing things they enjoy.
married 13 years 4 children stay at home wife I always worked alot. Wife fell out of love and divorced me and we are back together but only as roommates no love or physical contact I am dying and getting tired or trying nothing seems to work or help I am constantly in trouble or pushed away for something or another living on eggshells and breaking them all the time
Literally i check if my partner was with other gf negative.I check if my partners gay negative.When offer partner intimacy asking to come over or i go over partner said no.My partners 36 self mid 20s both work as professionals.We were long distance few years kept in touch online when used to call me names but on phone or in person partners fine.We are together from start of holidays.What reasons can be there if no other gf or not gay.Therapy didnt work.We want to save marriage & love eachother very much.
