Islam – suicidal because of past zina. deep regret, self hatred, regret – hidin from my future husband?

really hope a noble muslim man/woman can help me. i am suffocating in my own guilt and starting to feel suicidal :( :(

i am muslim girl and i have found the man I am going to marry. he is a good muslim man and has brought out a better muslim in me as well..

there is just one BIG problem, i told him i am a virgin, but i have had sex with 3 other men that i was involved with in the past from the ages of 18 -22 years. I was not on the path of islam and strayed badly in my younger years. my guilt is now killing me as i have lied to my future husband, the love of my life – i wish i could turn back time and undo it but i cannot.

i am soo guilty, the thoughts are always in my head, i feel so so low and i always beg allah for forgiveness. now i will never do what i did again, i want to marry, settle down and have a good married life and be a good muslim woman and a muslim wife.

buy i my fiance knows NOTHING – he always says he cannot accept his wife has been with anyone else – he will leave me if i told him about the grave mistakes of my past.

somebody please give me some guidance.. should i leave him?tell him? i do not want to do this as i am fully devoted to him and want to keep my past where it belongs. i dont want it to ruin the right way of life i am about to start.

am i unchaste for him.? i am truely repenting..is this a good enough reason not to tell him anythin and just repent, do tawba and live my future according to the rules of islam

please, please please do reply back to me my muslim brothers and sisters – this feeling inside me just will nto go – i truely know what guilt, regret is, it is eating me up :(
I have always been a muslim from birth, i am not a convert – its just that when i was younger i was doing a lot of gunaah :(


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Does islam permit to the husband to beat his wife? according to this surah or am I wrong?

4:34 Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband’s) absence what Allah would have them guard. As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (Next), refuse to share their beds, (And last) beat them (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them Means (of annoyance): For Allah is Most High, great (above you all).
I took this verse from Quran translated by yusuf ali in english but he added some words in parethesis but my quran in spanish doesn’t have those parethensis and in a book in spanish by dr sharif says it’s there 4 ways of saving marriage is talking with both families,or going with a judge or talking each other and the last source is beating the wife but ligthly? how is that?


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