Why do people insist that I have low self esteem and that something must be wrong with me? I admit I’ve made some mistakes, and that maybe I’m a little slutty. I’ve done things other girls wouldn’t do, and maybe that makes me stupid too. But I admit it, and I’m honest.
I broke up with my ex-bf even though I still love him because I finally figured out he wasn’t good for me and was using me after I stupidly agreed to a gangbang. I thought it would make him love me more, but he just got meaner. He says he cares but I couldn’t take it anymore and broke up with him even though it hurts and maybe that makes me a bad person too. I tried dating a lot of different guys after that, but I always seem to attract guys just like him, and it just made my slutty reputation worse. Add that I can’t have kids of my own and I know that no decent guy will ever want me. It’s not low self esteem, it’s just honesty. I’m the kind of girl guys will only ever see as someone to have fun with.
I know I’m broken and I’m trying to accept who and what I am and what my life has become. Why do people insist I have no self respect? What do they want, me to say cheer about my stupid mistakes? To be proud and smile that everyday someone calls me a whore, a slut or worthless?
It hurt when people called me those names back when I was in highschool and it wasn’t true. Somehow now that it is, it hurts more. I’m trying to be good, and I’m trying to embrace who I am, but people insisting I’m broken inside and hate myself just makes it even harder to like who I am. Why can’t people see that?
I posted this earlier in the wrong forum. I hope this is where it’s supposed to go.
. But I’m the kind of girl that needs new things to be going on in her life to feel content which is not always a good thing because sometimes it hides things that are true and genuine. So after about a 2 weeks of deciding I needed something new I broke up with him because I wanted to be single or so I thought. We promised each other that we would stay best friends but that didn’t work out because he still wanted to be with me, so we stopped talking for a couple of months. After a while I started to think back on how terrible the thing I did to him was and realized that I had to make things right. So one sunday I called him up and asked him if we could talk in person, he agreed and things went well, I talked to him about the reasons why I broke up with him and how he felt and how it sucked for the both of us. But how we both were over it (LIE, I thought I was, but trust me I’m NOT). Now I’m talking to him on a semi regular basis and every time I talk to him I just want more of him and every time we stop texting or leave each other I feel my heart get stabbed again. It really is killing me. There is no other girl in his life and sometimes he makes me think that he really is totally over me and other times I see it in his eyes that he’s not. I have no problem telling him that I still like him the only thing is I don’t want him to think that I’m some crazy person that breaks up with people and then wants them back. Another thing is, what if the same thing happens, what if we get back together and I go out on another one of my whims and decided that it’s time to break up again. I’m a firm believer that if things aren’t right, don’t stick around, but I don’t think I waited long enough last time to make sure they weren’t right. I don’t know if I just really miss him or because I love him or if I just miss having someone there. Like my brains on hyper-speed and I can’t think about anything else and haven’t been able to since we started talking again. I don’t know what to do. Please someone just give me some good advice.
