A few months back I was putting up laundry like i usually do and i was putting up my man’s boxers and I just happend to see something that caught my eyes and I pulled it out and it was some girls panties. My point he gave me 3 different excuses and then i still didn’t get the truth?
Me… this is a tough one to write because of two conflicting parts of me. I am over critical of myself, and I am also to prideful to admit when something really is wrong and I need help dealing with something. Two completely different mindsets colliding inside of my head, making things so hard to comprehend and explain to myself. I am a very compassionate person. I love to let someone I care about know exactly how much I love them numerous times per day. I am a person who needs to be told that they are cared about. I need that affirmation of love in my life in return from those that I love. I thrive on recognition… letting me know that I am appreciated in the things I do and the sacrifices I make on a daily basis. I am a romantic… I like the sweet nothings that can be given throughout the day… little notes in my work bag saying I love you, terms of endearment that are said any random time, in any random place. Quality time spent alone just talking about nothing, or holding one another under a blanket watching TV or a movie. That is who I am. That is who I have always been. I am by no means perfect. I have my share of faults as well. I get jealous very easily. I always assume the worst possible scenario with a situation. I over react to what should be a dead issue. I am too persistent in getting answers. I thought my wife was cheating on me because she was spending more time with another man at his house than she was with me, when all she was doing was playing video games and laundry. All that arises because she is so emotionally separated from me. All my jealousy and accusations come from that one thing that I hate about her. I want to have a wife to talk to. I want to have a wife that will talk to me about problems. Someone who feels so emotionally attached to me that she is comfortable talking to me about everything, whether she is in the mood or not. I do not believe that there is a proper mood for talking about a marriage. I am overprotective. I have found something that I hold more dear to me than life itself, and I do not want to lose it to anything or anyone. When she goes out to this guys house to spend time with him and hang out, and I am neither invited or thought of, I begin to do anything I can to protect what I have fought so hard for so long to retain… a relationship with the one person I love. My first step seems to always be the wrong one. I accuse her of fucking around on me with him. This obviously pisses her off and drives her further away from me emotionally. That is just the first thing that I think of. I just do not understand why I could not even ever be invited over with her to his house. See… here I go again and I am just typing things out here. I have asked her directly, and I pray that she was truthful, because I gave her my trust and believed her when she told me that she has never done anything with this man. I just have to figure out how to get the remaining thought out of my head forever so I do not accuse her again. I remember all too well the pain I felt when I was cheated on one time before. The pain was unbearable, and I contemplated many things that I am glad I never acted upon back then. I was naïve and stupid back then. I could not bear the pain to find out that Trina has cheated on me. I know also that I can not accuse her again, because if I keep thinking that she is doing something, then why not go ahead and do what I am accusing her of. I am creating my own demise here. I am digging my own grave… I have to figure out how to put the dirt back into that hole and seal it off for good. I need her assistance in doing this though. I need that reassurance from her that she truly feels that I am the one man for her, and that she would never do that to me. I need that affirmation and those terms of endearment to help me get over my childish behavior. Problem is that if I ask for it, she will assume that I am again accusing her, when I am not. I have to figure out the exact and perfect way to talk to her. When I have tried to just come straight out and talk, she gets very defensive and begins to assume that I am accusing her again, when I truly am not. I don’t know what to say, or how to say it. I don’t know what to do to try to get her to fall back in love with me. I am willing to do anything at this point. If she asked me to take my own life for her, I would gladly do it… I am just so lost and confused right now without her with me anymore.
How can I help my wife fall back in love?
She says she still deeply loves me. She still Holds my Hand and Kisses me without me doing it first. She says she loves me very very much. She still wants sex from time to time even, and says I turn her on.
We have 2 boys 7 and 12 yrs old. We got married when she was 18 and I was 22. She is now 34 and I 38. She is a CRNA Nurse Anesthesia Resident and is in school or working about 65 hrs a week. I put her through school working as hard as could over the years to help her get her RN and BSN.
We have been married for 14 years and I have not always been easy to talk to, I would always end up blowing up with a temper when she asked me to help clean house or something by saying she was nagging. She got to the point where she bottled feelings (because she felt we couldn’t talk, and I don’t blame her) and let build up to the point where we are where we are at now.
She says it started with her just over year ago. It started about a 2-3 weeks ago when I came home to a letter saying she was at her Moms and we need to separate. We text-ed all day and eventually talked and I talked her into coming back home so we could talk. I thought I was listening but I was still only hearing her, when she told me she needed help around the house.
The next time and last time we fought (which was last Thurs. night) I got mad and threw my clothes in my truck and left for the night. This was a bad move. I called her and told her I loved her very much and I was coming home, that leaving was very wrong and I am going to make this work. She said she loved me too. I came home and we talked for hours and from then on I have been doing all the laundry, washing dishes. making the kids school lunches just what ever I can to help.
We spent last weekend together shopping and tried a new Church on Sunday, holding hands and again assuring her I loved her. We hadn’t been to church in many years. We had sex 3 times over the weekend she even played dress up on Saturday night, She said she enjoyed the weekend. I now stay calm when she has a concern, assuring her she can talk to me.
That’s how I found I was a little late with my change and she is no longer “in love with me”. I CALMLY told her that it was ok and I don’t blame her. I assured her that I am a new man, and I love her, and I will not give up. She said she loves me very much too, and it’s just something she needs to work on. We are trying to get into a counselor. I tell all the time I love her, even texting her at work and saying it. (maybe too much?), I told her she was the best thing that ever happened to me and she is the best wife I could ever have and how beautiful she is.
She says she feels like she can move forward easier knowing I know how she feels and I love her. I am very scared and I pray I am not to late. She wants deeply to work it out as much as I do, I just hope she can. I have a company Christmas Party Sat. night that we are going to together. I called her and asked her out and asked her if she would like to go like I would a “girlfriend”. She said she thought that was cute! I hope I can rekindle something on this night (God I hope).
My Questions: How can I help her? Am I trying “too hard”? To the point I could be doing more harm than good by smothering her? I love her so much and I know she loves me. I just want her to be ‘in-love” with me again. What can I do?
My wife and I have been married 4 years and she quit her job a year ago because we wanted to start a family and she got pregnant fairly quick. She did all of the housework and laundry in our home untill she got 5 months pregnant and then she just stoped cooking,cleaning, and would only wash my work clothing. I also noticed she started spending a lot of my money on stuff for the baby without telling me, so I took away her bank card and started giving her a 0 allowance which at the time seemed like a smart idea even though she resisted at first she accepted it. By 6 months our house had not improved so I asked my wife what was wrong and she said she was tired and her feet were swollen so I told her I was going to hire a maid twice a month and have it come out of her allowance. I ended up hiring a maid at that left her with only 0 and we both argued for a week about it and then on a friday I got home and my wife had packed her stuff and left. She left me a note telling me how much I hurt her by making what was supposed to be the most amazing time of her life into something she wanted to forget she also reminded me of how she took care of me after my accident and never took my bank card away or put me on an allowance. When I read that it really hit home and I drove to Georgia to bring her back home and she didn’t want to come back with me and then I really knew I messed up big time. My wife and I are still legally married but she said she wants a divorce once our son is born and that she doesn’t want to see me till after she has the baby, so I won’t even get to see my first son be born. I feel awful about how I treated her is ther any way I could try to save our marriage or Am I just hurting her by trying to save it? I already send her flowers daily and call her daily but her mom says she doesn’t want to speak with me. Her mom did tell me she cries a lot and says that she thinks my wife still loves me. What else can I do?
My wife and I have been together for 8 1/2 years. The first couple years sex was great. We have 2 kids now and as time’s past, her interest in sex has vanished. For a while she would say that she just got tired early and asked me to help out with stuff around the house. Over the years, I’ve started taking on more and more to help around the house. I do laundry, grocery shop, manage the finances, cook great dinners, help with the kids, clean up around the house, do the dishes… I try to help with everything. Now that she doesn’t have such a huge workload at home, nothing has changed. She says she just doesn’t want it. She is a beautiful woman. I tell her all the time. I compliment her eyes, smile, hair, body, everything. I stay home so she can have girls nights out. I’m romantic. I buy her flowers and candy. I surprise her with little things with special meaning. I put a lot of thought into what I do for her to make it special, just because. I stay in great shape. I workout often an make sure I dress well for her and smell nice. Sometimes I even wait until she’s on her way home to shower just to make sure I smell a good as possible. I don’t get it. I don’t ask much of her. Not anymore. I help her with everything or just do it myself so she doesn’t have to. All I ask of her is love and affection and intimacy. I believe sex is a strong bond and is needed in a healthy marriage. I can’t just ask her to lay down and take it either. I can’t do it if she doesn’t want it. I feel bad. I want the moment to be shared. What can I do? I love my wife. I know I’m a good husband. I’m not going to look for it somewhere else. I would never cheat on my wife and "taking it into my own hands" doesn’t do it for me. It may help with the urge at the moment, but doesn’t hold me over long. I want to make love to my wife. We’ve had great times in bed. I try to make sure she enjoys it. Help please. I don’t know what to do. This has been my issue with our relationship for years. I’ve corrected a lot of the issues she’s had with me. Any suggestions/input?
We are both 27 years old. I still act like a man. I just added more to my daily list. I still have a man’s humor. Still watch sports all the time. Still have a strong testosterone. I still act like a man. I just have a sensative side and like to make the people around me happy. I don’t act like a woman. I just respect them and don’t pull the "that’s women’s work" card. Men should help out. She works late (until around 6:30, so I make dinner because the kids need to eat at a reasonable hour). I don’t come up "short" by any means. I know I’m above average in size.
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