This is my first time posting like this, but I need to hear unbiased views. I don’t know what to feel, but right now i am hurt. Am I over-reacting?
I’ve been dating a guy for almost a year and we are very much in love. It was a love at first sight thing, we took time to get to know each other, but ultimately knew we were for each other. The problem is he is 9 yrs older then me, I’m 29, and he has been married before. He was divorced for 3 yrs when I met him, and has a 3yr old w/ her. He was always open and honest, and even tells me he is embarrassed to talk about issues with her because he sees that it makes me uncomfortable, and I told him early on I don’t know how I really feel about that. Anyway it was never a problem. She lives in another country, where he is from and his family is there. He lives and works here. I know he sees her when he goes back, and talks to her frequently but briefly when his son calls to talk to him. Again it’s never been an issue and he was so open and honest about it, I am not the jealous type. His son was just here with him for a couple weeks and he just went back to drop the son off to the mother overseas an is returning shortly. The day he left he asked me to go buy his house and do him a favor so I did, he had misplaced a CC the night before and I thought I knew where it was so while I was there I checked for the CC in this box on the kitchen counter that he throws everything in. I immediately saw this receipt from Victoria’s secret for some underwear. I had this bad feeling in my stomach, they were purchased a few days back, and I just knew they weren’t for me since he hadn’t given them to me. When he landed that night he called me and I asked about it, first he told me that they were for me and he seemed weird and then told me he would call me when he got to his house because his father was with him picking him up at the airport as usual. When he got home he called me and told me he was going to be honest and it was weird before because his dad and son were with him. He said they were for his ex wife. He didn’t even know what was bought, he had went shopping here with another couple (that are from the same country so they know the ex wife), I couldn’t make it, and while they were they’re the ex called and asked if he could pick up a few things for her from here and some of the requests were underwear from VS and he actually had the female from the couple he was with talk to her and go pick up the stuff with his CC. Did you catch that. Somehow I believe him, but it still doesn’t make me feel good. He has never done anything like this before. When I told him it was the fact that why was everyone so comfortable with her request for underwear and his getting it, even if he didn’t pick it out/up himself. He says he is sorry for hurting and agrees it was stupid and says he will never do something like that again. But i feel like I can’t trust him…he says it was completely innocent, why do I feel like it’s not? Even though I really don’t think he would do that. When we talked about it he was really sad, then a spurt of him feeling like I was looking through his stuff and feeling like this incident will taint the relationship, his last relationship was like that (after and the reason for the divorce) and she kinda stalked him, but he did give her reason too. To a point of him being like I don’t know what else to say, I would never do that to you, i didn’t do anything wrong, it was innocent but inappropriate. Overall, He wants me to stay with him and forgive him, and he is open to working on it. But now I feel weird, I feel uncomfortable (its only been 2 days), and I don’t think I can handle the ex-wife thing. She has never been an issue, but I really allowed him the freedom believing that he was doing the appropriate thing because he didn’t prove otherwise. I am sure his feelings are real for me, he wants to be married, we discussed it, he is the one that brings up marriage, I feel like I am not ready yet.
Am I over-reacting, or am I being naive? Anyone gone through something like this?
he is the one that brings up marriage, I feel like I am not ready yet.
Thanks for your comments, let me clarify somethings:
1.) The couple does exist, because they were watching his son while he was working, during the son’s visit. He has offered to have me call the female from the couple, I declined
2.) The divorce certificate is real
3.) his point is if he did want to be with her, he would because it would be much easier and he can live in his home country, where his son is. But that is not what either wants
He admits what he did is inappropriate, and he is apologetic, and he wasn’t trying to hide anything. He states that he will never do something like this again…..but I just don’t feel the same anymore….. I don’t know if I’m cut out for dating a divorcee..
