I quit smoking in May 2007, it was the hardest thing I had ever done in my life, but I felt SO GOOD after having done it, I saw so many positives to the experience, life was great and I owed it all to having quit smoking.
In October 2009, I was out with some friends, drinking, and I had one cigarette. I felt bad about it, but was determined to never do it again.
In December 2009, I found a pack of cigarettes on the ground outside of my apartment, containing 5 whole cigarettes. Over the course of a week, I smoked all 5. I again felt guilty, I felt like the last 2 and a half years as a non smoker had been for nothing, and once those 5 were gone, I was determined to never smoke again.
On New Years Day 2010, I smoked one cigarette at a friend’s house. The next day, I bought a pack, and I’ve been smoking about 7 cigarettes a day ever since.
I REALLY want to quit again. The first time I quit in May 2007, I used Nicorette Gum for a week, and then I was okay. But now, again, I’ve bought the gum, and its just not cutting it, I go for maybe a day or two without smoking, and then I find myself buying another pack of cigarettes. I’m now 20 hours into not smoking, and I have to go to work in 2 hours, and I don’t want to smoke anymore, but the urge is so strong that I know I’ll stop and buy another pack before I go to work tonight.
I have two and a half years as a successful non smoker under my belt, there are so many positives to not smoking, but, when your smoking, its just such a powerful addiction that its nearly impossible to stop.
I’m a nurse, I KNOW all the health dangers, I have patients with COPD, emphysema, throat cancer, lung cancer, CHF, heart disease, hypertension, etc, all due to smoking. As a lifelong asthmatic, I know that if I continue to smoke, I WILL get many of the things listed above. When I smoke, I get severe heartburn, shortness of breath, skin rashes, and urinary frequency.
I think that, maybe if I could keep my smoking to one or two cigarettes a day, I’d be okay with that. And thats why I continue to buy packs, I think, "well, I’ll only have one in the morning, and one at night", but that quickly turns back into 6 or 7 a day. I like the "high" that you get after not smoking for 12 or more hours. And, for me, smoking during "adult activities" increases the pleasure I feel.
But I’m sick of the coughing in the morning, I’m sick of my lack of energy, I’m sick of the heartburn, the urinary frequency, the smell on my fingers/clothes, decreased sense of smell, decreased circulation to my limbs, decreased tolerance for exercise, etc, etc.
And then when I have all this willpower to quit, and I have 1,000 good reasons to do so, my mind goes back to my low self esteem, "you’re not good enough to quit smoking, you deserve to get lung cancer, look at all the bad things you’ve done in your life, why quit smoking? Why be healthy?"
HELP!!!!!!
