I met this amazing guy back in 2006. It was love at first sight, he was interesting and funny and talented and smart and kind and a million other great things…I could go on forever. Our first date was the coolest, everything he did was different and unusual, he picked a resteraunt that I would never think to go to and it turned out to be amazing. He introduced me to new movies,music, books, places, it felt like a whole new world opened up in front of me, like a fire started burning inside me…i felt life. We "dated" for 3 years, went on trips, watched movies, cooked dinner together, talked about everything, listened to music …I enjoyed his company but never knew for sure how he felt about me. "Talks" made him very uncomfortable which in turn made me uncomfortable so i stopped bringing it up. I got the impression he would rather be skinned alive than have the relationship talk so I just went silent about my feelings. I figured, why ruin a good thing? maybe he’s just not comfortable talking about his feelings. I always told myself that if he didn’t want to be with me all he had to do was tell me, just break up with me, guys do it all the time. We all know when it starts to go down, they start ignoring your calls, breaking dates, coming up with lame excuses, but this guy never did that. So i kept hanging out with him even though I wasn’t happy not knowing what my place was in his life. I was scared to ask him directly if he had any feelings for me because I was afraid the answer was going to be "no", I felt like it would be more painful to be without him than to deal with our "unknown" relationship status. So one fine August day in 2009 I had the bright idea of taking a trip to Keys, I gave him plenty of "outs" in case he didn’t want to go, I didn’t want him to think I was trapping him into something too romantic – especially since he seemed to keep his distance from that word around me. We went and the whole time I kept feeling this weird vibe from him, like he didn’t really want to be there ..idk. Feeling that made me nervous and anxious around him, I wanted him to have fun, I wanted us to have fun, but it seemed that no matter what I did it just wasn’t enough. I am seriously in love with this guy, and to see things slipping away right before my eyes threw me into a panic, so I had a few too many drinks during our little weekend getaway thinking it would help me relax but of course, it just made everything worse. I think it made him see me as weak person and just made him like me even less than before. We drove home the next day and I just wanted to get home and cry to let it all out. The next day I had this terrible feeling like i couldn’t breathe. So I decided to break up with him. I asked to see him but he said he was busy, so I just did it – I broke up with him over aol messenger. I didn’t think he would care since I didn’t think he was in love with me or anything, I would have preferred to do it in person but I felt like I was suffocating, I just had to do it so I typed out the words…I have a feeling you are not into me anymore and I think we should stop seeing each other before you get tired of me. He replied- "Unfortunately I agree with you". he didn’t even pause, didn’t even ask why. Just said agreed,instantly. I cried for a month, almost everyday, he told me he was sad and that i should let him know if i ever wanted to hang out as friends, but whenever i ask him to hang out he always says no. I don’t get it, we hung out for 3 years and he was able to drop it, just like that. No calls, no texts, no desire to see me. He still chats with me online, I stopped asking him to hang but I want to see him, I want to give this whole thing a proper burial. It’s important to me to tell him how I feel and I just need him to give me a chance. Is this weird? Is it weird to need to tell someone how you feel about them even thought they clearly don’t give a dam about you? I never told him I loved him or that I was crazy about him, I didn’t because I didn’t think he felt that for me so i didn’t want to risk making a fool of myself. But now, that’s all I think about, I just want to tell him I love him and that I miss him and that if I could I would do it all differently. The delusional part of me thinks that by doing that he might give me another chance. What do I do??? I really love this guy, help!
