If you are in a bad relationship self help techniques may not work unless you seek the right type of advice. If you walk into any bookstore you will see shelves of books written on relationships. They will cover all topics and be written by men and women; some of whom will have very impressive credentials.
But how do you know they will work? How do you know that these same writers are themselves happily involved with someone? Quite frankly I believe you have to be in a great relationship before you can help other people with theirs. After all you don’t go to a nun for sex help do you? So why ask a single person how a partnership should work?
You need to use self help guides like the M3 System i.e. a created by a real person, who is very happily married and writes to help real people just like you; with similar relationship problems. You want someone who cares whether you and your partner make it or not. Someone who will answer your emails should you wish to ask them a personal question because just sometimes the books don’t always cover everything.
Any relationship can be improved. There is no such thing as a ‘perfect one’ just as no human being is perfect. But you can have a great relationship with your existing partner. They are probably Mr or Ms right for you, just you have hit a couple of hurdles you need some help in getting over.
Self help marriage counseling may be an answer for those of us that don’t want to sit down with a stranger; to discuss the intimate details of our relationship. But unless you know where to start and what to look for, you probably aren’t going to achieve much more than another argument. The problem is that when you are involved in the situation you often can’t see things from the other person’s perspective. It is important that you learn as it takes two to tango as the old saying goes.
You will have to deal with painful issues and discussing these will take patience and practice. For example, sex may be causing an issue between you but it is often very difficult to discuss making love. Both of you may feel embarrassed or ashamed or annoyed that this subject is coming up again.
So before you dive into sorting out your relationship, make sure you have done some reading and thread carefully while you apply what you have learned. Take things slowly and don’t let your discussions turn into an argument. If things get heated, walk away and cool down. You cannot make the other person speak to you, so if they are not into a chat at that time, then leave it, and wait for a couple of days. Usually you will find that your partner is just as eager as you are to sort things out. Pick your moment before applying the relationship self help approach.
Are you wondering what to say to save a relationship? This articles gives you some very useful and practical tips on how you can keep being with your heart’s chosen one, even though you have been through a lot of problems together.
Whether you want to save your marriage or are talking about saving a long distance relationship, you need help. You could try marriage counseling or even doing a course like relationship rescue. But for most of us, we don’t want to air our dirty laundry in public; even if it is with someone who has heard it all before or at least something similar.
We want to cure our relationship woes in private. How do I know? Why would there be shelves full of books on dealing with relationship problems if we were all ready to use counselors. There is a billion dollar industry involved in producing books, DVDs and courses on how to fix your own partnership issues.
This would not exist if there weren’t loads of people willing to pay good money for these products. Unfortunately while there are some great books out there some of the material produced will do more harm than good. So you need to be careful what you read and whose advice you listen to.
Men and women are wired differently. It is not just cultural but physical differences in our brain that we are trying to overcome when communicating with members of the opposite sex. On average women have a more developed hearing and language center in their brain which may explain why traditionally they make better communicators.
Men are programmed to fight first and ask questions later. This again is a result of genetics and not a judgment on men. You can perhaps understand why it is difficult to discuss the problems you may be experiencing. But you have to learn how to communicate properly or you will either end up alone or even worse, incredibly lonely while still involved in a relationship.
A great partnership means that you have to share common interests. You have to be able to trust each other and have the facility to discuss how you are feeling without being worried about retribution. You both have to be allowed to be honest even when what you are saying is not what the other person wants to hear. This is not the same as you have the right to hurt one another. Wanting to inflict emotional pain on your partner is not one of the hallmarks of a successful relationship.
Have you heard of Marriage encounters? It is a course run by the Catholic Church and began in the 1960′s. It is advertised as a unique opportunity for couples to spend time together exploring their relationship. It is not specifically aimed at those having marriage problems as the speakers do not offer advice or counseling. Other religious groups will offer a similar program for their members. If you are interested but are not a Catholic speak to your religious adviser about what they offer.
It is more about building up togetherness in the relationship and helping a couple to survive the period in every marriage that happens when the initial love and lust has started to wear off. Is it worth going on one of these weekends? Well that really depends on your view point. Some people find it a wonderful experience while others are not all that impressed.
I would suggest that you don’t pressure your partner into going and only attend one of these events if both of you are keen. Don’t be afraid that it will be a religious event as most couples don’t come away with that impression. It is all about finding the right way and time to speak to your partner. Simply taking time out of your life to concentrate on your relationship is always a good thing. Going away on a weekend where it is just the two of you makes it rather difficult not to spend some time discussing your issues and feelings. Even the best relationships need some attention and love as otherwise they will not last.
If you are having marriage difficulties and want to get some help, there are specific places to look. You can try marriage counseling offered by your Church, religious group or a local charity in your area. You can also try reading some good self help materials such as the Magic Of Making Up. If both partners read this book, you are almost guaranteed to find some improvement in your relationship as it will teach you how to speak to one another in a constructive way.
There are some warning signs that your relationship is in trouble. For example if you never spend time together on your own, you need to address this. If you find that you cannot think of things to talk about other than your kids or your money problems, this may also be a sign that there are issues that need addressing. If you fail to make a connection in bed or outside it, you probably should get some help to avoid any minor problems becoming bigger.
Every relationship is different – what some couples find romantic others find overwhelming but if you have been together for any length of time, your instincts will tell you if there is a problem. Don’t ignore it. Perhaps the marriage encounters weekend may be a good idea if only to force you into each others company for a couple of days.
He’s having his second affair (that I know of), he’s placed online ads on dating sites (but says he hasn’t followed through), he’s bought flowers and taken his girlfriend and her kids on vacation, then takes me and his own daughter on vacation, he’s paying the bills but comes and goes as he pleases. He’s blown off marriage counseling but now says it’s over. He’s blaming me for his cheating but still says he loves me. Just curious what what most people would say. It’s been 18 years and we were happy one year ago.
My Sister just called me telling me her fiance called the wedding off. I just met my sister 2 years ago, she is my father’s (I never met him, he died) daughter, making us half sisters. I don’t know her that well.
But My Sister and him have been together for 6 years (high school sweethearts) and the wedding is in January. They went to pre marriage counseling yesterday and he called the whole thing off. He said he couldn’t deal with her mom and that they fight too much and their are other people out their, he isn’t sure of things. Which I understand, I told her that at least he called it off now, instead of going through a divorce later down the road. I just wish I could comfort her. She lives about an hour drive from me and she is so lost, has no idea where to go from here. Any suggestions on how to comfort her, any ideas on nice things to do, thoughtful things?
Bad Relationships
