She left me ten months ago. Turns out she had started an affair with a guy in the neighborhood who had just left his wife. All four of us live within 6 blocks of one another.
We have two kids, 2 and 5. She has dumped this guy (confirmed by my in-laws who were in on this all along but that is another story) and wants to start to go to marriage counseling to "put the family back together." She claims to love me and miss me.
I am so angry with her. It was bad enough that she left but she also filed for divorce using all kinds of personal husband-wife type information against me. She has dismissed the divorce action.
She also got involved with someone in the area so everyone knows about it. Wouldn’t I look like a fool? One part of me thinks that it is worth it for the kids and I do love her. But the other part believes that it would be foolish. Any thoughts?
HI Again,
My husband and I have been seperated for a little over a month now. I have hurt him badly and lost his trust. I am doing everything in my power to save my marriage and rebuild his trust in me. I emailed him tonight and gave him full access to my email, phone records and voicemail. I want my life with him to be an open book. Something I wish I had done a year ago. I know I will not earn his trust back over night but I pray everyday for the Lord to guide me in the right direction. I have made enough mistakes. I have found my faith in the Lord and I am praying for him to see my marriage through this troubled time. Anything suggestions as to anything else I may can do? I am being as honest and open as I possibly can. I told him as long as I am his wife, I will live my life as his wife honorably and faithfully. I am going to family and marriage counseling. He is starting to come around to the idea of going with me. Any suggestions from someone who has been where I am?
I have been married for 8 months, been with him for 2 and a half years. Our marriage has turned into a legal friendship. I have had 3 serious relationship talks with him in the past 2 months. Here are the problems. One is that he is on Lexapro, has been for over a year. The side effects are that they lose interest in sex. I excepted that at first, but we haven’t had sex since November. I told him to talk to his doctor about another med and he has seen his doctor twice since I said that and he has done nothing about it. The other thing is that he doesn’t want to do anything together anymore. He does not like my friends for whatever reason, doesn’t even try to get to know them. He does not want to go out with me and my friends even though he is invited every time. Even with out friends, he does not want to do anything. I go out, but I feel like I am married living a celibate singles life. The first talk I had with him, I was nice, trying not to hurt his feelings, I just said we need to do more things together, there are things we can do that don’t cost money, even play a game of cards or something at home. He said he understood and everything was fine, but then he did nothing to change. The second time I talked to him, I was a little more blunt, I told him that I feel that we are friends who kiss once in awhile and he agreed that he thinks we have turned into roommates. I suggested marriage counseling so that our marriage won’t get worse, and he seemed ok with it. Still, he has done nothing to change. The third time I talked to him, I didn’t hold anything back.
I told him how I feel lonely, how I feel like I have one life with him in our house and then another life with me out in the rest of the world. I told him that I feel like we lost it, he doesn’t feel that way. He feels things are fine. I told him that he feels things are ok, me here at the house cleaning and cooking dinner and that he has me to come home to. I feel that something is wrong, that I want to get back the passion we once had. He really had nothing to say to me when I was talking, he felt bad because he started to cry, but that was it. Still, no changes! My mom and my friend say that I might have to be the one to say let’s go do this or that, be the one to hook up with a counselor, basically be the one who carries this marriage. I don’t want to have to do that ALL the time. I want him to show some input, show that he cares. When we were first together, things were great. Then he went on that med and our sex life went to hell, and then after marriage, he just totally changed. I know that he loves me to death, he is never mean to me, but it feels like he is content with what we have now, we don’t even hold each other anymore. What else is there for me to do? Should I mentally have a time frame to give him before I say that’s it?
As of now, I don’t see myself leaving him, but I need to feel wanted, ya know? Any suggestions, thanks so much!
I am not ready to give up on the marriage, as the question is, what else can I do to save it and that I don’t see myself leaving him right now. I am in my late 30’s by the way and I know what marriage is.
me and my husband have been together for 9 years now and he told me the other day he wants to be with someone else that is 9 yearsw younger than him we do have 5 kids total i am only 25 and he is 29 we are staying in the same house still and he stays over at her parents house until 5am every morning and he says it is not about sex he cames home to me every day and that is how he wants it he still wants sex with me every day also i give it to him cause i think he will fall back in love with me he says its not you its me i love you but i am not in love with you i dont want a divorce cause that is 200 per child theses are just the things he says to me he is willing to go to marriage counseling just 1 time and i am willing to go to make my marriage work but is it really worth it if this is how it is going to be i love him so much and it is hurting me so bad cause he comes home and holds me and tells me he loves me and still makes me feel good and i allow that please help i need advice
But after an affair? Did you think that w/o the counseling, the marriage would for sure ended, did it end even with counseling? Did you work it out on your own, or just walk away? Just trying to get ideas of how others either saved their marriage or if they left it and try to figure out whats best for me and maybe someone will throw an idea out that there will get my own wheels spinning. Oh, and I am not saying who the cheater is, him or me, because thats when all the judgemental answers start coming…if only people could answer the question being asked and save the judgement.
I have been married 10 yrs, and have two small children. My husband and I have been having martial problems (fighting a lot) for about 8 yrs. He is a hot head, yells at me a lot, is controlling, we fight a lot, he is lazy, selfish, lacks confidence and is jealous among other things. He is also sweet, a good father, funny, and we share a lot of interests and beliefs. He is also my husband which I vowed to love through good and bad…. but how much bad do I take?
Last year I couldn’t take it any more, I was tired of being a mother to my children and also having to mother him. I was also tired of the fighting and double standards so I said we either separate or seek counseling. He freaked and we started marriage counseling.
Through that it was discovered that he has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. There are thoughts he can not control (like if I am cheating, or if I am out if I got in an accident, or if people are talking about him/making fun of him, etc) which leds to his lack of lack of self confidence and need for reassurance. This also can be the reason he is "lazy" because the thoughts he has are so overwhelming he can not to much of anything else. He agreed to go on medication and that has helped his bahavior some. We have also continued counseling and he is making genuine efforts to change his behavior…. however, there are somethings that have not changed (short fused temper, being bossing, being lazy, needing me to "mother" him, not being an equal partner in parenting, and the double standards), and the things that have improved (jealousy, self confidence) are great but not enough. I also feel that even though he / we have made progress that we slip back into old patterns quickly.
I know a lot of his behavior is because of his OCD – that he can not control. But I am having a hard time getting over these aspects of him and getting back in love with him. I love him as a friend and fellow parent but I do not have romantic or spouse like feelings for him and I am not physicially attracted to him anymore. How do I get those feelings back??? Can I fall back in love with him? How can I love him like I should with this disorder??? I feel horrible that I dont have these feelings for him and I think of leaving him but I dont want to break up the family and I dont want to look back 5 yrs from now and realize what a mistake I have made. I made a vow to love through the bad times but I have found that I cant, no matter how I try. I feel guilt and pain and I’m trying….
Any suggestions on how I can love him again, or do you think I should work on building a new life without him??
Serious and kind suggestions please.
Yes! My children come first! So do I take them away from a loving father? Or do I keep them in a household where there is little love and lots of fighting?? Trust me, my kids are why I am trying so hard. Thanks
Wife and I used to make out for literally hours and cuddle (never had sex b4 we got married) for about 6 months before we got married and she seemed to have alot of reasons why she wanted to marry me, she used to tell me she loved me all the time. I got her pregnant on our honeymoon Feb. 6th 09, and she was so happy and we found out after about 5 weeks that she was allready pregnant. One day she came in to the room and it was like she tried to force herself to kiss me and I could tell she didn’t enjoy it the same as before, she stopped letting me cuddle her, she stopped telling me she loved me, she also went off of her Paxil (anxiety) for the baby. I was on Paxil as well. Pretty soon I was fighting for our marriage and she was thinking about divorce, I got us into marriage counseling and got her onto Zoloft, it helped but not enough. Her only reason for divroce is that she doesn’t love me and that I irritate her and I smell etc. I have been fighting this for months and she has allready asked me to leave and I did just that and have supported her in making sure she has enough food and gas etc. It seems to me that the only reason gives me for wanting divorce is just her not having proper feelings, other than that we have alot in common and we don’t argue much at all, I’ve never yelled at her. She really is set on divorce though…
My wife got pregnant on our honeymoon and we found out about 4-5 weeks later and about a week later she went off of her Paxil medication for anxiety I was taking it as well and went off of it too. Quickly our marriage went down the drain she stopped working and started sleeping like 18 hours a day and she became very critical of me and stopped letting me kiss her and she got very irriatated with me easily, saying my breath was bad and she would get upset because I was breathing too loud in bed, about 2 months into the marriage she stopped telling me she loved me and started sleeping in another bed and would no longer hang out or cuddle and she started asking me to leave and give her a break ect.
I am pretty sure she loved me at one point because after she broke up with me while dating she called me a month later and wanted me back and we got married shortly after. I took my wife to marriage counseling which actually helped alot but eventually she gave up and feels like she’ll never be able to love me. 3 weeks ago she had me move out and she plans to sign papers a month after the baby is born. I’ve done everything I can to keep her, I took her to the psychiatrist and got her on zoloft and it started helping and she started treating me much better but only once in the last month or so she told me that she felt like telling me she loved me but wouldn’t do it because she was worried she might get my hopes up. She let me cuddle with her all night and actually sleep in the same bed 3 times in the last month but now it’s like she’s made her decision to divorce soon. I still pay her rent and get her groceries and I try to support her and give her space but everytime I go back to her I end up in tears when I leave I’ve never loved someone so much and to have it go like this is almost too much for me. Is there any hope that after the baby is born I won’t irritate her so much and she will be able to have feelings for me again?
A few months ago my husband told me he was not in love with me anymore. I have been devastated. 2 weeks ago we have started marriage counseling, but i see no sign of improvement. The problem is that besides the counseling sessions he is completely shut down and does not want to talk about it. I bought the entire store of sexy sleepwear, but it seems like i am invisible…Sometimes it seems like i could take off my skin but he would be completely unaware of my presence. I am trying to be nice, loving and attentive but he ignores me at best. I have been feeling less and less attractive and my self-esteem does not exist. I am like a pet frog – an unsightly, unworthy and repulsive. I feel like every day goes by and this hole in my ches is just getting bigger, swallowing my being. I know he does not love me or believes he does not. What do i do? How should i behave to make him fall in love with me? I appreciate your suggestions.
My husband is an alcoholic. We have been married for seven years. I have tried for nearly four years to get him to get help for himself and lead a more sober life. This including a year of marriage counseling. I am moving out next week. I still love him but know I can no longer live with an alcoholic. Is there anything I can do to get him to get help for himself and hopefully save our marriage???
