LONG STORY…………..
I was in a relationship with my ex for 3 years,he seemed to be everything i wanted in a mate,he was my best friend and my lover,but we went our separate ways because i found out he was interested in someone from a different country,i don’t have solid proof it was anything intimate but i did find clues like voice mail and text messages from the girl saying how much he missed and loved him.We have joint phone plans,record shows that he called her (internationally) everyday,sometimes twice a day,however he claimed he never had money.He said they were only friends,but in my heart i felt that it was more because he lied about her the first time i asked then i later found out more details on her,it had hurt me so much and it still does because he’s an older guy,i am pretty young,no kids,and this girl is older with two. It made me feel as if i wasn’t good enough for him.He tells me he wants me back in his life,he never wants to lose me,that he’s sorry for every causing me pain but i still see that he still talks to this girl,but again he claims..it’s only a friendship.
I really do love him,i knew he made me insecure,i don’t trust him but for some reason i don’t want to let him go.
On the other hand,i think my pain and vulnerability at the time made me jump into a relationship, at the same time my ex had left me to go to the country where the other girl is (i wasn’t sure of her then) i had met this guy that i am with now.I felt as it was a sign to leave my ex,simply because throughout him not being here with me,i had suspected for months something was not right,he had gone on vacation,didn’t call me much.When he finally came back home,the day before he did i found a message sent to our email because he wasn’t in a service area the text message was sent to the email instead..it read "i miss u and love u hon" "please give the girls a kiss for me". at that time i had enough,we talked about it,he admitted but he said he never cheated,as in have sex with her or anyone else. I just couldn’t deal with the fact that i couldn’t trust him and kept pondering over why he lied from the start. I eventually moved out like a month or two after because i just couldn’t take it..the friend that i had met was there for me through the times i needed someone to talk to..now we’re together.. but i can’t stop thinking of my ex..i like my boyfriend now,he’s really a great guy,but he’s also weird when it comes to certain things,he’s not really affectionate like my ex,and that’s what i miss a lot,he’s moody…sometimes i think he over exaggerates over simple things..the point is i like him but don’t think i can fall in love with him.He tells me he would never cheat on me,if he is put in that situation he would rather leave me than cheat. He’s also not like my ex when it comes to going out with friends,he doesn’t go out on the weekends,he’s the type to go from home to work and back. I am confused…that’s the best way to say it.
Your suggestions,advice…please.
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Not quite a year ago, I lied to my mate. It was what I thought was a meaningless lie. I had hoped he had gotten me pregnant, we had discussed this before. I bought a test and the first one was negative. I saved the second in my car to take later. He later asked me if I thought I was pregnant. I told him I wasn’t sure. He asked if I had testeed, and for some reason I said no. He later found the second test, and his impression was that I thought I was pregnant and was hiding it from him. His conclusion was if I was hiding this and lying then it must be because I was sleeping around.
In all honesty, it was a nonsensical lie, and I have never thought of cheating on him.
Time has passed, and I thought we had gotten over it, but he was using my phone and saw a number he did not recognize. I explained that it was an old coworker of mine, who did not have a phone and that number was her fiance’s number.
All the past came back and he is paranoid that I am sleeping around on him. For true feedback- I am not cheating. I want to spend the rest of my life with this guy. I offered to call the number or give him the info, and he said I guess we jst have trust issues. I asked how I can help fix things and he said to just give it time.
Is this really the only solution? And does time really help mend this sort of thing? If there is something I can do to ease his worries, I would do them…
We have a four year old and am terrified that the lack of trust will ultimately be our undoing… I want to save my family.
Any advise?
To clarify, he asked me if I had taken any test and I lied and said no, when in fact I had. I guess in my delusional thinking, I had some thought that if I waited, I might be pregnant and then could surprise him with the exciting news, but my secret really hurt him. And it wasn’t him being over suspicious. It was my shady behavior. I don’t know why it came out of my mouth.
There was also an incident when we first were dating, he asked me if I had been checking on my ex (online) I told him no because I didn’t want him to think I was still "hanging on" but he was over one night and saw on my computer that I was in fact reading my ex’s myspace and he was upset that I didn’t tell him the truth. I think I have always had abandonment issues, and tried to tell him what I thought he wanted to hear. I have been focusing on my reactions and responses and have not lied to him again. I have tried to be very open. The number has been on my phone for years, he just happened to see it and is upset.
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I’m not asking for advice on how to make a man come back or anything, I’m just asking, if you truly love somone, what would cause you to leave them, and then try to come back later? Shouldn’t you have just stayed there to begin with?
(I guess, think of this question and how it pertains to people in their twenties who are in long term/committed relationships with their partners)
Thanks in advance for any feedback 
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Watching all of these shows on TV (Jerry Springer, Maury, Montel, etc…) I see a lot of cases where men OR women cheat on their partners. What are a few signs that your partner could be cheating, and if you have had any experience in this. And do you think a relationship could be saved after cheating? THANKS>>>
And NO, Im not in a relationship.
I was just curious. Since I see this happening so much. How does one notice, before you end up on national TV!!!
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How do I fall in love again after 3 years of not being with anyone?
I was previously engaged to be married from late-2000 to early 2003. She was my first relationship and it was fairly good overall, but I had issues with trust (e.g. I had difficulty trusting her).
Sometimes my gut instinct told me she was cheating, and other times I thought my feelings were not instinct but irrational fears. If a woman is cheating, what are the telltale signs to look for? Also, I am quite shy and don’t usually approach women.
How do I find a girlfriend or wife when I barely speak? I am okay socially when I get to know a person, but I’m very quiet starting out and won’t reveal too much of myself to others until I know them better.
Also, how will a potential mate respond to the knowledge that I will not make love to a woman unless she intends to become my wife? Will this scare a potential wife away?
The above relationship was my first and only relationship thus far. I was 24 when it started and 27 when it ended. I am almost 30 now.
I am 5 foot 4.
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