Have you been reading any romantic relationship psychology in a bid to discover why you and your partner don’t appear to be getting on very well? If so I would suggest you stop before you end up driving yourself nuts.
There are a huge number of relationship philosophy and psychology books out on the market but every one you read appears to contradict the others. In a recent interview, even Dr Phil, the relationship expert,admitted that most therapist and counselors don’t know how to fix a partnership. Sure they will give you the theory and the reasons behind some types of behavior, but whether that sorts out your particular problem is more a matter of luck than anything else. Often they come from a background of broken relationships, but you won’t know this as your counselor never divulges their personal details to their clients.
Every partnership is different and while some issues between men and women i.e. who wants more sex, who does the most housework, who earns the most money, who minds the kids more often; can be similar. However at the end of the day the issues you are facing are as a direct result of who you and your partner are.
Does that mean you can’t find help? Of course not but you don’t need a relationship psychology course to do it. What you need is a great self help book that will help you to communicate and relate to your partner better. Something for both of you to read and share.
I suggest the Magic of Making Up as it is written by a man which is rather unusual to start with. Mr Jackson is very happily married and committed to helping his clients either become that way or remain that way. You only have to read some of the comments from his readers to see what impact the book had on their lives. Perhaps you have come to the end of your partnership, as I am not going to lie and say every relationship can be saved, but at least wait before making your decision until you read this book. Then you will be armed with the knowledge to make the right decision for you, your partner and if appropriate your kids.
It takes guts to admit that there are issues in your partnership that need working on. It is so much easier to put your head in the sand and hope that they will go away. But the sad fact is that most won’t disappear for good. They may go away for a little while but they will come back and perhaps even worse than before. Problems have a way of developing a life of their own if they are not dealt with quickly and efficiently.
You and your partner have invested a lot in each other and so you should be willing to take one more step to try to prevent a breakup. So forget about studying relationship psychology and instead concentrate on making each other happy once again.
If you are in a bad relationship self help techniques may not work unless you seek the right type of advice. If you walk into any bookstore you will see shelves of books written on relationships. They will cover all topics and be written by men and women; some of whom will have very impressive credentials.
But how do you know they will work? How do you know that these same writers are themselves happily involved with someone? Quite frankly I believe you have to be in a great relationship before you can help other people with theirs. After all you don’t go to a nun for sex help do you? So why ask a single person how a partnership should work?
You need to use self help guides like the M3 System i.e. a created by a real person, who is very happily married and writes to help real people just like you; with similar relationship problems. You want someone who cares whether you and your partner make it or not. Someone who will answer your emails should you wish to ask them a personal question because just sometimes the books don’t always cover everything.
Any relationship can be improved. There is no such thing as a ‘perfect one’ just as no human being is perfect. But you can have a great relationship with your existing partner. They are probably Mr or Ms right for you, just you have hit a couple of hurdles you need some help in getting over.
Self help marriage counseling may be an answer for those of us that don’t want to sit down with a stranger; to discuss the intimate details of our relationship. But unless you know where to start and what to look for, you probably aren’t going to achieve much more than another argument. The problem is that when you are involved in the situation you often can’t see things from the other person’s perspective. It is important that you learn as it takes two to tango as the old saying goes.
You will have to deal with painful issues and discussing these will take patience and practice. For example, sex may be causing an issue between you but it is often very difficult to discuss making love. Both of you may feel embarrassed or ashamed or annoyed that this subject is coming up again.
So before you dive into sorting out your relationship, make sure you have done some reading and thread carefully while you apply what you have learned. Take things slowly and don’t let your discussions turn into an argument. If things get heated, walk away and cool down. You cannot make the other person speak to you, so if they are not into a chat at that time, then leave it, and wait for a couple of days. Usually you will find that your partner is just as eager as you are to sort things out. Pick your moment before applying the relationship self help approach.
How often have you heard someone say I lost my spouse? How did you feel when they said that? Perhaps you are saying it yourself? It is relatively easy to lose love. Why? Men and women are very different creatures and often they have problems communicating with each other. Add to that the unrealistic expectations that Hollywood or TV productions nurture via their films and you can see why couples often split as soon as the going gets a little tough.
But the fact is that all relationships even the ones others consider to be successful will go through difficult patches. Ask any couple who have lasted the distance and they will tell you that it isn’t all moonlight and roses. You can be living with someone, married to them even and have kids together yet feel that you hate them with a passion you never knew you had. You don’t really, well most people don’t! Life has just got in the way and over time you two have forgotten that you need to nurture your love much as a plant needs watering to survive.
It is too easy to take someone else for granted and assume that they are happy with the way things are between you. It is also easier to leave things be than to try and deal with any painful issues that may have developed between you. Sometimes there is an embarrassment factor as well. For example it is not uncommon for couples to start to experience sexual difficulties when they have been together for a while. This could be something simple like one partner has a higher sex drive than the other or it could be a medical reason such as the menopause causing problems or the man having difficulties maintaining an erection. Instead of dealing with these issues together, some couples let them come between then until such a time as the communication gap is so wide you believe you have lost love.
Other couples let their job, their kids or their friends take priority over their partners and this can cause anger and resentment. You should never let anyone not even your children come before your partner, at least not on a consistent basis. Kids grow up and leave home, friends come and go but your partner is the one person you want to remain by your side forever. The key is to remind them of this fact on a regular basis.
The good news is that most relationship issues can be sorted out with a little bit of guidance. If you have already split up by the time you read this, don’t despair. It doesn’t mean you have to give up on your ex partner forever. You can get them back if you know the right way to achieve it. So stop thinking I lost love and start thinking about all the ways and means at your disposal to rekindle love and passion.
If you are wondering what the Bible says about marriage, it really depends on which book you read. Obviously the views of the Old Testament are rather stricter than those expressed in the New Testament. You need to be careful when looking to the Bible for answers. Sure use it as guidance but the contents need to be interpreted in the light of the times those people lived in. Not all of the information contained in this book is relevant to the issues and crisis that can affect marriages today.
For example, the “What God has joined together let no man separate” teaching is wonderful if you are in a successful marriage and both of you are happy. But I don’t believe God would want any woman to stay with an abusive husband or vice versa. And while I believe that marriage is for life, there are always exceptions to the rule. Unfortunately in our society today, the number of marriages breaking down is on the increase. This could be for a number of reasons, not least of which is that divorce is more socially acceptable these days. It could also be the fact that people often enter into marriage contracts without putting enough thought into whether the other person is the right match for them. Just look at any number of celebrities, some of whom appear to believe that a Wedding chapel should be fitted with revolving doors.
It is very easy to walk away when your marriage hits a bad spot and sadly that is the mistake a lot of people make. But the fact is that every relationship will hit the rocks on occasion. What is important is what you do to put it back on the happy track. Men and women are so different that it can lead to communication issues. Then you add in life hassles such as worries over children, money, mortgages, jobs etc and it is easy to see why romance may go a little cold.
But before you head for the divorce lawyer, why not invest a little money into some education. Buy the Magic of Making Up and see if you can apply these theories to your own situation. So many people will separate from their partner and end up living a life of misery on their own. Or they move onto the next marriage and then the next etc. If you once loved your partner, you can rekindle this lost love and it really doesn’t take a huge effort. In fact it usually takes less time and energy than trying to find someone else to love and learning how to handle their faults. Better stick to the devil you know and usually love on some level!
So pay less attention to wondering what does the Bible say about marriage and start concentrating on getting those romantic feelings back into your own. You will be very glad you did.
I don’t think women deserved to get off the Titanic first than men. Children should have been sent first ( both boys and girls ), then young men and women, then older men and women, and so forth.
And women say they were oppressed….. ‘privileged’ would be a better term……
Have you been reading any romantic relationship psychology in a bid to discover why you and your partner don’t appear to be getting on very well? If so I would suggest you stop before you end up driving yourself nuts.
