I’v posted a few questions about my husband and I being unable to carry a pregnancy (3 miscarriages, 1 stillbirth in 2 years) and my DR wants me to give up because it is playing havoc on my hormones in my body and she’s concerned about my mental health.
I want to give up too. Adoption is still an option and we are signed up for it and on the waiting list. We still do need to raise a few thousand dollars before we can go onto the next step though, but I’m going to be 40 soon and thinking of shutting this whole thing down.
Many people are saying that in order to save my marriage I should do ANYTHING to get a child, whether its surrogacy, in vitro, (woudlnt work, I can’t carry a pregnancy) or asking a family member to have one for me.
I’m not sure how correct this is…if my marriage is going to fail if we don’t have children, then is it really fair to put the whole success of the marriage on to a poor innocent child?
What do you think?
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My ex-girlfriend (25) and I (24) have been through a lot. She had 2 miscarriages and a still birth and all by me (never been preg by anyone else). I haven’t been there for her as much as she needed me to be due to my lack of maturity at the time and also now that I live 2 and 1/2 hours from her. I drove up to see her every weekend and just got my schedule changed so I’m off 4 days a week to make it to her appt’s and be there for her and the baby through the pregnancy. This past Aug she said she didn’t want to be with me anymore but that she still loved me. I asked her if we could try to work it out and after lots of convincing she she said we could try but it was real bumpy.
We were still sleeping together on occasion and she ended up pregnant in Oct. Needless to say because of the history, we were both nervous. Everything was going decent at this point but she was still saying that she doesn’t need to be with me just because she’s having my baby. She is also active duty military and found out right b4 christmas that she got orders 1000 miles away from me (which she had the choice to accept or deny and I know since I was in also). But she says she hates it so much where she is that she is going to leave. When she got the news she said she wanted to talk about it as a family, but yet she was already making decisions for the family, so what was left to talk about? Then when I didn’t tell her right away that I would be willing to go she automatically flipped it on me and said I’m being selfish and not thinking about the baby. I have a decent job and there’s no telling if I would be able to get a job right away where she is going and she’s being unreasonable and uncompromising.
Because of the arguing and her stubborness, I didn’t see her on christmas (that and I had to work the next day) and I worked new year’s eve and new year’s day. I called her new year’s eve and told her I would be willing to go so we could be a family and have a fresh start and that I’ll just start looking for jobs now. I even thought about going back active duty even though I hated being in the military. Pretty much I told her that I would make whatever sacrifice I had to, to be with her and my child. She started screaming at me, "no it’s too late. You had your chance, and now me and the baby are leaving and I don’t want nothing to do with you." We spoke maybe 2 times since then and she doesn’t even want me around to go to appt’s with her. She say’s she doesn’t love me anymore and she’s not even attracted to me now, but she supposedly doesn’t hate me. And if she stays with me our child is going to see how miserable I make her and she doesn’t want negativity around the baby. We haven’t seen each other since the end of Nov and I haven’t spoke to her in a week now and even the last time I called her she answered the phone saying "what!". She doesn’t even want to give the baby my last name anymore and doesn’t care how much I won’t be able to see my child.
What is going through her head right now? Will she ever come around? I love this girl and I really want to be a father to my child. But with her being 1000 miles away, how can I be? And she knows this. I know I made mistakes in our relationship but I never even cheated on her. Just had female friends, which didn’t sit well with her. What can or what should I do? Does she really want to be a single parent like she’s saying? Why shut me out when I want to be there?
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